Getting a little PO'D (1 Viewer)

[Mark Sherman]

While I have no idea what is going on between you and your friend, you were a bit guilty of poking her mom in the eye when you substituted how you thought a steak should be cooked instead of how it was requested. ‘Well done’ means no pink in the middle.




there was about a milimeter of PINK in the middle. I TRIED to tell her that she is missing out of all the flavor KILLING a steak the way she likes it. and that she should at least try it. She sat ther like a 5 year old staring at a plate full vegitables.


Why am I friends with her? When we first met she was great. In the past 6 months it has been a total 180. Maybe its the fact that her dad left and she hates men and she needs to lash out at any male she finds threatning. who knows maybe Dr. Phil can help out.

 

[Citizen87645]

Well, if you value her friendship or even the future dynamic when she is married to your best friend, you should probably have a talk with her. Just remember to use the "I feel" phrases - see, you don't need Dr. Phil.

 

[Mark Sherman]

I do she is a great Kid dont get me wrong. Maybe its the BRIDEZILLA coming out. Who knows. I think we are getting together sunday.

 

[Holadem]

Side rant:

I had an ex who lived by this "I feel" crap and would just plain refuse to talk unless I expressed myself the same unemotional, composed manner. WTF? It drove me fucking nuts. By the time we were done, I was a walking mass of pent-up anger/rage ready to blow at anyone, anything, anytime.

Thanks Dr Phucknut for making life miserable for the rest of us volatile types. What's wrong with a good shouting match?

Rant over sorry.

--
H

 

[MarkHastings]

LOL

Is she a good sport about the 'ribbing' back? When she gives you flack, why not give it back to her (in a joking way)...

Like, if my friend ever said "What, are you too cheap to pay for anyone else?" - I'd say "well, unless I've seen you naked, I ain't shellin' out for ya."

 

[JohnRice]

Mark, there's just a lot of passive/aggressive behavoir going on here, and it's not all by others. Like Lew said. The woman asked for well done. Of course it's a bad way to cook a steak. Think for a moment about how you came off to her for refusing to cook the steak the way she wants it and explaining how she asked for the wrong thing. It doesn't matter how much red there was. The entire situation would have been averted by you cooking it the way she asked.

As far as not seeing the difference in HD. It's not surprising. I recall once when I gave a large builder's brochure I had photographed most of to a graphic designer, I mentioned that the shots on a couple pages weren't mine, but that they were so bad, it should be obvious which ones they were. Now this is someone who does this for a living. She looked at them (I'm telling you, the other shots were taken by someone who had no idea what they were doing and it showed) and made the comment, "It's not like I can recognize your work" and said she couldn't tell the difference. I am far past being surprised by what people are incapable (more likely unwilling) of perceiving when it comes to quality. So, don't sweat it.

You might just lay it on the line and tell her what you think of her comments. If she is a decent person, shhe will think about how she treats you. If not, it should be obvious what you might consider doing. Also, you might consider how you are feeding the situation yourself.

I have had similar experiences in my life. 20 years ago I was graduating from a highly respected university and going into a decent profession. I was traveling and making good money. There were certain people who I had considered friends for years who resented it and rarely passed up the opportunity to take a stab at me for some reason. These people often justified (sometimes literally) stealing from me or at least using me for whatever they wanted. When my fortunes changed and things got difficult, I found these people were even more twofaced than I had realized before. They are gone from my life now, though I should have done it years earlier. Just something to think about.

 

[Christ Reynolds]

what's the matter holadem, don't know how to express yourself emotionally? put down the xbox controller and learn to communicate!

i hate dr. phake too.

CJ

 

[MarkHastings]

I don't know her either, but through my experience as well, I'm agreeing with Christ's predictions.

The problem with someone like that is, they make the comments because they need to feel better about themselves...once cornered, they may act like a wounded animal and attack even more viscously.

Remember, she's probably saying these things because she feels low. Even though she hurt you, you have to approach her with caution and act like she's hurting. Acting like she needs to be taken down a notch will (most likely) end in disaster.

 

[Edwin-S]

Just a few choice quotes that you posted for a fellow that you didn't even know. Now you post a thread about how you are getting P.O'd because a friend of yours is criticizing your choices and tastes. I cannot honestly say that I have sympathy for your position. It just seems like poetic justice to me. A classic case of "what goes around, comes around". Now you know how the fellow you were posting to felt.

 

[MarkHastings]

I'd say things to someone I don't know (even people here) that I'd never say to my friends.

 

[Lew Crippen]

I’m sure that I have as well Mark, but really it ought to be the other way around: our (true) friends will forgive us—strangers likely not.

 

[Edwin-S]

For the most part, I try to weigh my comments based upon a situation or a perception, regardless of whether I'm dealing with a stranger or a friend. In my case, I would tend to be more open and casual, in terms of opinion, with a long term friend than with a total stranger. With a friend, I would have had a long enough relationship to gauge whether comments are going to be taken the wrong way. With a stranger, gauging how they would react to straight forward comments is problematic, because you have a much more limited knowledge of their temperament. Mouthing off to a stranger may result in no action or may result in a stabbing. There is no way to tell.

Its like a buddy of mine. He has, on occassion, remarked that I am not particularly ambitious since I keep putting off a much needed paint job on my house. While saying this, he fails to note that I at least own a house while he does not. I found his comment amusing but, at the same time, I also found it to be somewhat annoying; however, I chalk his attitude up to the fact that we have been friends for a long time, so he feels comfortable enough with our relationship to talk in a candid manner.

I was more annoyed when he told me that he couldn't tell the difference between my Acura TSX and a Honda CIVIC, but I chalk that up to near-sightedness.

My main point with the original post was that the thread starter is complaining about his tastes and choices were being criticized and how it pisses him off. Yet, he had no problem in slagging another person's tastes on this board.

 

[Adam Lenhardt]

It's a good point to make in general. What one person values is very different from what another person values. Just as the girl in question is being petty and cruel by constantly belittling Mark, Mark's "gloves off" approach to Mr. Williamson's choices is also pretty belittling.
John often has that child-like wonder, so obviously the dolls and toys were something he values on a level more closely aligned with his home theater setup. Mark obviously doesn't share his enjoy for such things. Was he wrong to tear John a new one over that difference? Or was he just giving his honest opinion. Would he, if he'd thought about how this woman made him feel, have phrased his opinion differently? Or would he, like Mr. Hastings, feel that the level of emotional investment in a message board is so different that they don't merit an even comparison?

But then, as John Rice brought up, when you wear the kiddie gloves all of the time, you can smile and be polite as the frustration grows and grows until you lash out in small but devestating ways. I played those kind of games my freshman year of college, before realizing that if I don't have the balls to say anything, they don't deserved to be punished for it.

I think in the end, sometimes the cold harsh truth is necessary. But before one tears someone a new one, he should think about the consequences first.

 

[MarkHastings]

As far as the HTF, I respect a lot of posters, so I try not to have a "high and mighty" attitude, yet there are some people that I could care less what they thought about my postings. I mean, internet 'friends' are nice, but I'm not as cautious when it comes to my actual friends.

That's why I would never judge Mark S. by what he posts here. He could very well act the same way to his friends, but we really don't know that.

This reminds me of the "Technology Brings out the worst in us" thread where we discussed how we post things on the internet that would might not say aloud when in the presence of a physical person. I have a lot more fear about hurting someones feelings (in person) than on the internet.

Probably because of the safety of my home, the fact that no physical harm can come out of it (i.e. a fight), or the fact that, without physical interaction, there is no 'human' element to the internet and you often don't consider other peoples emotions or feelings.

 

[Mark Sherman]

Hello all. I had a little chat with my friend this weekend and she was pretty cool about the whole thing. It all started when we were going out sunday. she asked who was driving? I said I will That is, if you dont mind driving in an over priced VW. She laughed and I went from there.



its all cool.

 

[Colton]

... yeah, but is she in love with you?

- Colton

 

[Joe Szott]

No, she's in love with his ride. I figured that out in the first post And his meat, she loves the way Mark serves up the red to the ladies. Hahaha...

 

[Adam Lenhardt]

Just shows a little humor can go a long way

 

[Mark Sherman]

Nah she is in love with her fiance' I know this. we are good friends and thats it. No Touching