RobP
Stunt Coordinator
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2001
- Messages
- 185
>Did you see President Bush throw out the first pitch
>of game two of the World Series? The White House said
>it was a strike. The Taliban said it missed and killed
>several innocent people." -David Letterman
>
>"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been
>poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should
>make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll
>taste your food, you check our mail." -Jay Leno
>
>"President Bush has announced twice last week he does
>not have anthrax. Remember the good old days when the
>only thing we worried about the president catching was
>herpes." -Jay Leno
>
>"Today, down in Washington, the FBI stopped a heavyset,
>unemployed bearded guy. Turned out to be Al Gore."
>-David Letterman
>
>"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week
>there's a good chance we'll never get bin Laden. bin
>Laden! We couldn't even get O.J.!" -Jay Leno
>
>"I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin
>Laden calls it - 'Roots.'" -Jay Leno
>
>"Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was
>only unsafe if you were an intern." -David Letterman
>
>"Big sports news today. New world record in the
>100-yard dash. It was set by 435 congressmen running
>from the Capitol." -Jay Leno
>
>"The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan
>once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about
>Al Gore? He's not doing anything, he needs a job, and he's
>already got the beard." -Jay Leno.
>
>"Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun?
>Just sit around and get bombed." -Jay Leno
>
>"Somebody said, 'What good will it do to kill Osama bin
>Laden?' I said, 'I don't know, let's find out.'"
>-Don Imus
>
>"You read about all these terrorists, most of them
>came here legally, but they hung around on these
>expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now,
>compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late
>with a video and these people are all over you. Let's
>put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." -Jay Leno
>
>
>This is a personal favorite of mine:
>
>"People want to say there isn't racial profiling at
>the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is
>Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra
>time." -Jay Leno
>
>"The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or packages
>that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be terrible news
>for the rap industry." -Jay Leno
>
>"Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this
>town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder." -Jay Leno
>
>"More and more news coming out about this Osama bin Laden guy. He's 6'5"
>and has 42 children. Or, as the NBA calls him, a rookie." -Jay Leno
>
>"Now this really annoys me; all these people getting on the Internet and
>saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his
>name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute." -Jay Leno
>
>"People are being much, much nicer to each other in New York. And I have
>to be honest, it's kind of weird. The other night at Shea Stadium, instead
>of yelling 'You suck!' at the Braves, Mets fans were yelling, 'Others are
>better than you!'" -Conan O'Brien
>
>"Clinton and Dole are joining forces to raise $100 million in scholarship
>money for the families of the victims. But you know who also deserves a
>pat on the back, Elizabeth Dole. Her husband is on Viagra and he's gone
>on the road with Bill Clinton - that is one trusting woman." -Jay Leno
>of game two of the World Series? The White House said
>it was a strike. The Taliban said it missed and killed
>several innocent people." -David Letterman
>
>"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been
>poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should
>make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll
>taste your food, you check our mail." -Jay Leno
>
>"President Bush has announced twice last week he does
>not have anthrax. Remember the good old days when the
>only thing we worried about the president catching was
>herpes." -Jay Leno
>
>"Today, down in Washington, the FBI stopped a heavyset,
>unemployed bearded guy. Turned out to be Al Gore."
>-David Letterman
>
>"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week
>there's a good chance we'll never get bin Laden. bin
>Laden! We couldn't even get O.J.!" -Jay Leno
>
>"I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin
>Laden calls it - 'Roots.'" -Jay Leno
>
>"Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was
>only unsafe if you were an intern." -David Letterman
>
>"Big sports news today. New world record in the
>100-yard dash. It was set by 435 congressmen running
>from the Capitol." -Jay Leno
>
>"The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan
>once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about
>Al Gore? He's not doing anything, he needs a job, and he's
>already got the beard." -Jay Leno.
>
>"Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun?
>Just sit around and get bombed." -Jay Leno
>
>"Somebody said, 'What good will it do to kill Osama bin
>Laden?' I said, 'I don't know, let's find out.'"
>-Don Imus
>
>"You read about all these terrorists, most of them
>came here legally, but they hung around on these
>expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now,
>compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late
>with a video and these people are all over you. Let's
>put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." -Jay Leno
>
>
>This is a personal favorite of mine:
>
>"People want to say there isn't racial profiling at
>the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is
>Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra
>time." -Jay Leno
>
>"The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any letters or packages
>that have badly misspelled words. Man, this is going to be terrible news
>for the rap industry." -Jay Leno
>
>"Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this
>town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder." -Jay Leno
>
>"More and more news coming out about this Osama bin Laden guy. He's 6'5"
>and has 42 children. Or, as the NBA calls him, a rookie." -Jay Leno
>
>"Now this really annoys me; all these people getting on the Internet and
>saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his
>name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute." -Jay Leno
>
>"People are being much, much nicer to each other in New York. And I have
>to be honest, it's kind of weird. The other night at Shea Stadium, instead
>of yelling 'You suck!' at the Braves, Mets fans were yelling, 'Others are
>better than you!'" -Conan O'Brien
>
>"Clinton and Dole are joining forces to raise $100 million in scholarship
>money for the families of the victims. But you know who also deserves a
>pat on the back, Elizabeth Dole. Her husband is on Viagra and he's gone
>on the road with Bill Clinton - that is one trusting woman." -Jay Leno
Good stuff!
