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Friends with your ex...? (1 Viewer)

AviTevet

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Apr 11, 2002
Messages
110
I'm still good friends with an ex... she's married now and I'm dating another girl. I'll be visiting her in about 2 months. It's possible to be friends with an ex, but you can't have any expectations of what it'll be like... the whole way you interact has to re-develop mostly from scratch.
 

AllanN

Supporting Actor
Joined
Mar 15, 2002
Messages
950
Wow, that turned nasty real fast.
Yeah I know, but it was how I felt at the time. You should have heard my best friends reaction to her getting married it was x10 worse than mine. I will not repeat it here in fear of being banned.

On a different note. Im actually going to break it off with someone I have been seeing for a few weeks now. I like her as a friend, but we are just incompatible in a relationship. So after the weekend ill have another ex girlfriend/friend story to post about. Hope she does not read this.
 

Mark Schermerhorn

Second Unit
Joined
Sep 24, 2000
Messages
354
I'm friends with an ex I broke up with a little over a year ago now. We stayed friends the whole time. It wasn't easy and realistically wasn't worth it for the first 9 months or so. It's just too emotional when you still have feelings for the other person.
.If you still have feelings for the other person, don't do it. Maybe after several months or however long it takes to get over them, but don't do it before.
At the time it wasn't worth the pain, but nowdays things are fine. We have a lot in common and are both pretty mature, so we work well as friends. I just thank god that I'm through those emotionally turbulent times and know that I won't ever try that again. I can only imagine how much it would have hurt if I had really been in love with her and wanted to get married.
 

Mark Larson

Supporting Actor
Joined
Mar 3, 2002
Messages
537
Must say, i take the cake here... I started going out with a girl in Nov 2000, broke up in Feb 2001, had sex again a week later, got back together some time later, broke up again, got back again, and you get the drift. Now we're apart, but she still claims to love me and wants to be with me. (The reason i don't want her isn't pretty, but i think about our relationship and want to break up, then we get back... Its like a merry-go-round. The reason i keep with her is also not pretty - haven't managed another girl except one since we first broke up, and it is so easy to give in)
 

Jefferson

Supporting Actor
Joined
Apr 23, 2002
Messages
979
I haven't gotten back on that merry go round in a couple of months and don't intend to again, but was nearly there.....so I hear you. Wow, that sounds intense. Get off the ride!!!!
 

Steve Schaffer

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Apr 15, 1999
Messages
3,756
Real Name
Steve Schaffer
My first wife and I divorced in 87 after 2 years of marriage. I have not seen, heard from her since 89 and hope I never do.

I lived with my second wife for a year in 71, broke up a year later and avoided her for almost a year. After that we became very good friends, but drifted apart around the late seventies.

Around 93 or so we got back in touch, both having gone through a number of bad relationships. We decided since we'd both had such bad luck with others, we might try marrying each other. After a couple of years we decided we made better friends than lovers and divorced.
She is still my best friend, and with sex out of the picture we get along much better. We see each other at least once a week for dinner or a movie or dvd shopping trips.

At the age of 52 I've come to realize I'm just not suited to living with anyone else, so I've become somewhat of a noncombatant in the war of the sexes.
 

TheoGB

Screenwriter
Joined
Jun 18, 2001
Messages
1,744
I'm friends with one ex. It's fine but it's fine because neither of us are in love anymore.
The problem is that when you get that intense with someone you forget that you can't be that intense with anyone but a girlfriend/boyfriend - when you're friends its always going to be more 'lukewarm' if either of you have someone else.
That's hard to take at first but it's the way it has to be: the sex thing was there and that's the problem. I have had a lot of ups and downs trying to be mates with my last ex girlfriend, but it has to end. I just can't get over her and she can't handle it...:frowning:
 

KDHM

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
May 9, 2001
Messages
185
Location
BERLIN
Real Name
Kim Donald Houde-Martens
When my partner of 15 years died I lost not only my partner but also my best friend in the whole world. After that I was in a 4 year relationship that was starting to come apart and then he met someone else and we decided it was time to end our relationship, I felt very lucky that this time I could loose the relationship but keep the friendship, at first it was hard and sometimes his new boyfriend did not understand why we sill hung out together, but I am glad we worked it out, Now that I live in Berlin I don't see him as often but we still talk often on the phone and spend time together when I am in NYC. For me all the hard work it took to get thru the breakup and keep the friend was worth it.
kd
 

Lance Nichols

Supporting Actor
Joined
Dec 29, 1998
Messages
726
Reading all of these makes me feel sad. I have managed to remain friends with MOST of my ex girlfriends. Don't ask how, it just is. Not always close friends, but able to talk, and stand being around each other, and enjoying each others company. This includes girlfriends where sex eventually entered the equation, or was the start of the relationship. Occasionally the odd bit of "what's she see in HIM" crosses the old brain wires, and I suspect the same is seen from the other side too.

The only ex I can't get along with was a High school GF I was REALLY serious about, to the point of contemplating asking her to marry me. We had a wonderful friendship before hand, and promised to remain friends no matter what happened. Never swore that to anyone again.

It can take work at the beginning, especially if sex was involved, but for the most part you get a much deeper understanding of the friendship after.
 

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