Friends with kids (1 Viewer)

[Colton]

Wow, Joe! Thanks for the input! If what you say is true, there is no way in hell that a whole day at Six Flags would work for them. They would get a few hours in the park and then have to go back to the hotel to give the kids their nap. So, it just isn't feasible to spend the money for a day at the amusement park if the kids will tire after four hours. I guess it would be better if my wife and I just took another childless couple.

- Colton

 

[MarkHastings]

and that's what makes friendships tough. I don't have kids, but I can totally see what you're saying. Unfortunately your non-parental friends do not share this same enthusiasm with your kids as you do. As long as you understand that, then the friendship will last, but if you don't (as I know some of my friends are like this), you will totally destroy the friendship.

 

[Colton]

I have to squeeze this in. My wife and I invited them to come see Charlie & The Chocolate Factory with us. He brought his 7-year old kid who couldn't sit still through the whole movie and burped and farted (loudly) several times (stank horribly!). My wife was very irritated, to say the least.

- Colton

 

[Ricky Hustle]

My 2 cents...

I would have no interest at all in going to an amusement park without my kids. If anyone asked me to, I would politefully decline.

I have childless friends, but hardly see them anymore - it's mutual that they don't want to always be around my kids - and we're really not that interested in spending too much time without the kids. A dinner or night out is one thing, but an entire day or weekend is out of the question. My kids are my life, 100x more important to me than any of my friends. My friends understand that.

I suggest you invite some friends who don't have children to your Six Flags getaway!

 

[Bryan X]

Colton,

I have kids and from the way it sounds even I wouldn't want to hang out with the couple/kids you're describing.

 

[Wendy_L]

Colton: I don't know where you live but I love Six Flags and have no kids. I even have another childless friend I could invite along with us.

Being someone who is childless I totally understand exactly what you are going through. I have not seen my best friend in almost 3 months now and it's because I'm tired of going to her house and her laying the parenting at my feet. She has literally said to me, "I've dealt with my kids all day...you can deal with them now. I need a break." The nerve of her doing this never ceases to amaze me. So, I have just stopped going there. Actually, I could go see her on the weekends her Ex has the kids but her house is such an unbelievable mess and stinks to high heaven that even when her kids aren't there I don't want to go. Her and I were so close but her having kids has definitely put a wedge in our friendship.

And I don't believe a parent has to spend 24/7 with their child. I think it's important for parents to get some away time from their child or their child will never learn to be independent. My mom constantly left me at my grandma's for a day or two, even as an infant. It made me more social and independent.

Of course, I will admit that I have no desire whatsoever to ever have children because I am fully aware of the responsibility involved and that's just not for me. I like my life being my own. But that's just me.

 

[Matt^Brown]

Your friend has bad kids if they are doing stuff like that in the movies. I have a 7 and a 3 year old as well so I am not speaking out of place. My 7 year can go to the movies with me and my friends and you would never even know he was there.

 

[MarkHastings]

Yeah, we're obviously not talking about all parents, we're talking about either the parents that don't know how to handle their kids or the ones that expect others to deal with their kids.

Wendy_L, I hear ya! I wouldn't go there either if my visit always turned into a babysitting job. Some parents just don't get it.

 

[Wendy_L]

Mark... it's awful. One time we were all at her parent's summer place having a little get together. She was in the house doing something and her little one was running around outside and ran into the road. She got all mad at us for not "watching her". She said, "I come here because I know there will be other people to pick up the slack and I won't have to do everything myself." I just looked at her like she was insane. She doesn't get it that watching her child is her responsibility and her responsbility alone. I'm not saying I would let her child run in the road just to prove a point. My point is, she can't just assume that we are gonna look out for her child just because we are there. She has to actually ask one of us, "Hey, I'm going in the house, will you watch my child for a little bit?" Because if she doesn't then we are gonna assume she's doing her job as a parent and watching her kid.

I love my friend, as a friend. As a parent, unfortunately, she's the pits. Some people just shouldn't have children.

 

[Philip_G]

hey, don't feel bad. I haven't seen my sister in 2 years because I can't stand her little brat.
and we live like 20 miles apart

 

[Joe Szott]

For a 7 yr old, that is a little too much. My guess is they've never wanted to discipline him in public and now he knows that any threats are empty. I've gave my first boy time outs and spankings in public places before (off to the bathroom and *tap, tap* that bottom), at 4 he is well behaved (as much as is possible for a 4 yr old) when we go out. It's embarassing as hell to do it, but it only needs to happen once or twice and they figure out that a threat from us is a promise, not a suggestion. We walked out on Finding Nemo as he couldn't control himself. Killed me because I was loving it and he cried all the way home, but he was well contained the next time.

We keep our kids behaved in public, but ultimately it's like taking a cheetah or a tiger out to a meal. If you try to reign them in too tight, they will lash out even more and be harder to maintain. So you accept a certain level of 'activity' as long as it isn't too invasive to other folks. Kind of a 'I'm sorry if my kid is looking at you over the booth, but it's better than him throwing spoons over' kind of thing. Some parents just don't give a damn though, it irritates me as much as anyone. Too bad there is no way to nicely explain to someone how to curb that behavior without them going balistic, raising kids is a skill though just like any other. You can't perform a skilled job without some training or learning, why would child rearing be any different?


As far as single and couple friends go, you do what you can. Our best set of friends live close to us in CO, we had a child for 2 years before them. It was a strain on the relationship for sure. Lukily when we had our second they had a first, since then closer than ever. It wasn't anybody's fault, just when they want to head out to a bar on Fri night we were watching Elmo.

You guys will still be friends, but just not bosom buddies anymore. That's life, what can you do? If it's any consolation, by the sound of it their kids are running them so ragged they have no idea any of this is going on. If you wanted to scale back the friendship a notch they wouldn't mind most likely (or be offended.)

 

[Ted Lee]

bah, i don't even buy into that. every parent i know (including myself) wishes for at least some time without the kids. that's only healthy. if you're a slave to your children, you're gonna be in trouble. as the other analogy went, it's no different if it's your wife, mom or whatever.

as for the kid thing goes, the best way i've seen it put is to simply state 'for adults only'. that gives your friend an automatic out if they want to use it. if they really want to hang out, then they'll make other arrangements (whatever that may be) for their kids.

however, the point that the parents may feel guilty is also valid. my wife often thinks like that ... especially if we go somewhere "special" -- she knows that the boys would enjoy it and wants them to experience the joy, etc. but leave that sentiment up to the parent ... it's not your responsibility.

i think h said to talk to your bud man-to-man ... i think that's a good idea as well. if he's a good friend, he'll respect your opinion even if he doesn't agree with it. and that way, everything will be out in the open. of course, you better realize his wife will hear about it as soon as he gets home.

 

[D. Scott MacDonald]

I don't know your friend's situation, but not everybody has an abundant supply of family nearby to watch their children. When my wife and I go out, we spend $6 an hour to leave them with a teenager, and even then they usually have to be home at a certain time or are hard to schedule due to their social lives. While I agree that most parents would like to take a break every now and then, it's simply not practical for my wife and I to do on a regular basis or for long hours at a time (overnight is out of the question). When we are able to break away for a few hours, we usually want to spend it together rather than hanging around with some friends.

That said, some things are just more fun with kids. I certainly couldn't imagine going to Six Flags without them.