Friday Jokes...Got Any?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Chu Gai, Jan 24, 2003.

  1. Chu Gai

    Chu Gai Lead Actor

    Jun 29, 2001
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    Q: Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected Child Processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
    resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches
    during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker night 10.3 and Beer bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge Wife1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me?

    A: Dear Mr. Silicon,

    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program from the system once installed.

    You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some men have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

    Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs).

    You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.

    The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
  2. Scott Falkler

    Scott Falkler Second Unit

    Oct 23, 2001
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  3. Anders Englund

    Anders Englund Second Unit

    Jun 29, 1999
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    How To Shower Like a Woman

    1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks

    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.

    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,and pumice stone.

    5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

    9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

    11. Shave armpits and legs

    12. Turn off shower

    13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

    14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

    16. Return to bedroom wearing long bathrobe and towel on head.

    How To Shower Like a Man

    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

    3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

    4. Get in the shower.

    5. Wash your face

    6. Wash your armpits

    7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

    8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

    9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

    11. Shampoo your hair.

    12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

    13. Pee.

    14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

    15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

    16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

    17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

    19. Throw wet towel on bed.
  4. LewB

    LewB Screenwriter

    Feb 11, 2002
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    What hair ? [​IMG]
  5. rodney wiley

    rodney wiley Second Unit

    Nov 23, 2001
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    Funny Stuff!!![​IMG]
  6. Jeff Pryor

    Jeff Pryor Supporting Actor

    Mar 5, 2002
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    Hey, Anders, that was some funny shit! [​IMG]
  7. Chuck C

    Chuck C Cinematographer

    Jan 6, 2001
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    ROTF [​IMG]

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