Favorite Saturday Night Live Bits?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by David Von Pein, May 17, 2002.

  1. David Von Pein

    David Von Pein Producer

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    Ya gotta love Dan & Jane on "Weekend Update" in the 1970s! My favorite bit goes roughly like this.........
    "Jane, you ignorant slut!! When one talks about the dangers of drugs, one isn't concerned with the casual user -- such as yourself -- who bows to social pressure and takes an occasional toke or snort as a prelude to sexual intercourse with a stranger! My concern is the habitual user, for whom the cumulative effect of the drug has done damage. As for marijuana, all the evidence isn't in. But recent findings point to a long-term loss of short-term memory, hyper-development of the male mamalia, and a general lack of ambition which has destroyed this nation's economy!! Maybe paraquat wasn't such a bad idea! As a colorless, odorless, tasteless substance which caused lung damage, it deterred at least some marijuana consumption. Perhaps a stronger such substance should be added to cocaine .... one that produces the actual visible coughing of blood! Let's make killer-dope killer-dope! Then we can rid the world of all these drug-dependant degenerates, and concentrate our full attention toward all the hagged-out, dried-out ignorant sluts like yourself!!" --- Dan Aykroyd / Weekend Update
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  2. Dennis

    Dennis Second Unit

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    I have a soft spot for "The All Drug Olympics", which was a segment on Weekend Update with Dennis Miller. It showed Kevin Nealon as host and the late, great Phil Hartman as a Russian Powerlifter. I don't want to say what happens but it got one of the biggest laughs I ever heard on the show, including mine.
     
  3. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    My favorite was Dan Aykroyd as then-president Jimmy Carter hosting a call-in radio show and talking somebody down from a bad LSD trip:

    "Carter": What did the acid look like?

    Caller: It was a little orange-colored pill.

    "Carter": It looks like you took some orange sunshine.

    [later in the segment:]

    "Carter": Got a sixpack in the house?

    Caller: Yes.

    "Carter": Well, why don't you put some Allman Brothers on, and ...
     
  4. Dennis

    Dennis Second Unit

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    Good one Jack.
    Dan Aykroyd has actually been in quite a few of my favorites, shouldn't be a surprise though, he was the Phil Hartman-Will Ferrell of the original crew.
    He once did one where he intoduced new letters to the alphabet, too funny for words.
    A couple of years ago on a show hosted by Christopher Walken, he played a producer named Bruce Dickinson on a Behind The Music segment. Will Ferrell was one of the members of Blue Oyster Cult and they were in the studio recording Don't Fear The Reaper. "I need MORE cowbell". A classic.
     
  5. David Von Pein

    David Von Pein Producer

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    "The Bass-o-Matic!! It slices, it dices, ...." -- More classic Aykroyd
     
  6. Alex Spindler

    Alex Spindler Producer

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    I'll chime in with the Celebrity Jeopardy series. It has Will Ferrell as a downtrodden Alex Trebek, killer Sean Connery quotes, and hilariously bad impressions of other celebrities as utter morons.
    "Mr. Connery, why don't you pick."
    "It looks like this is my lucky day. I'll take The Rapists for $200."
    "That's Therapists."
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  7. Garrett Lundy

    Garrett Lundy Producer

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    Love Boat: The Next Generation, with Patrick Stewart
     

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