Ever tease your Monkey?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Chris Dugger, Feb 28, 2002.

  1. Chris Dugger

    Chris Dugger Supporting Actor

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    Mine doesn't like it very much.....

    Dugger
     
  2. Tom Johnson

    Tom Johnson Stunt Coordinator

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    Mine doesn't mind the teasing as long as I spank it afterward. Are we talking about the same thing?
     
  3. John Beavers

    John Beavers Second Unit

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  4. CharlesD

    CharlesD Screenwriter

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    My monkey lives in the trunk of my car and drinks too much.
     
  5. TimDoss

    TimDoss Second Unit

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    I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five

    cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were

    normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift

    horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

    I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one

    drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact,

    none of them were really bright. They kept punching

    themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they

    punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

    I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well

    to their new environment. They would screech, hurl

    themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into

    the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost

    its novelty halfway into its third hour.

    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so

    inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all

    just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a

    goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap

    monkeys.

    I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys

    lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser,

    hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw

    rugs.

    I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got

    stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead,

    dry monkeys.

    I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.

    That worked for a while, that is until they began to

    decompose. It started to smell real bad.

    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet

    and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.

    Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two

    monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30

    seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it

    didn't all go bad.

    I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was

    flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead,

    frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred

    monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my

    monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of

    my monkeys. I felt better.

    I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said

    that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred

    primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't

    take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the

    frozen ones.

    I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as

    Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to

    say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell

    they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the

    genitals.

    I like monkeys.
     
  6. John Spencer

    John Spencer Supporting Actor

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    Sometimes I stroke my weasel. Sometimes I choke my chicken. This one time, at zookeepers' camp...
     
  7. Don Black

    Don Black Screenwriter

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    What's that from Tim?
     
  8. Ashley Seymour

    Ashley Seymour Supporting Actor

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    I had a monkey. His name was Barney.

    We called him Barney Monkey.

    I though it rhymed until my kids told me it didn't.

    What do you call your monkey?

    Does your monkey smell?
     
  9. Stephen L

    Stephen L Second Unit

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    "Hey mister , wanna buy a monkey?"
     
  10. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    Steve Christou
    Sandra is in charge of monkey, loves playing with the bugger, won't leave it alone, gets on my nerves sometimes, give the poor thing a rest I say, but noooooo, come out to play she says to monkey, monkey leaps at girl, monkey bad boy, silly girl spanks monkey, monkey spits at girl, and serves her right![​IMG]
    Hey come on, Chris started this crap! Blame him![​IMG]
    Down monkey down, good boy....
    SIGNATURE PHOTO OF MONKEY SPITTING AT SANDRA REMOVED
     
  11. Don Black

    Don Black Screenwriter

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    Hmmm... I think we passed weird a few posts ago.
     
  12. Alex Spindler

    Alex Spindler Producer

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    We went past wierd a long time ago. We now at ....hjhjdkkdgfdjghfdkgdf.... Monkey! Get off the keyboard! Do I have to "punish" you?
    [​IMG]
     
  13. AaronNWilson

    AaronNWilson Second Unit

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  14. TimDoss

    TimDoss Second Unit

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    Don, I don't know, a friend emailed that to me a while ago.
     
  15. Scott_G

    Scott_G Second Unit

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