Do you like your in-laws? (1 Viewer)

[Bruce Berti]

Mine arent bad people, I just have absolutely nothing in common with them. If they stop over I become like a piece of furniture. I love to talk sports and my father in-law doesnt know the difference between a baseball and a football. Professionally, he is a maintenance man(not that there's anything wrong with that) and I'm an Accountant so we cant relate there. Neither one is motivated career wise and are 50ish years old and still live in an apartment. I really try when they stop by, for my wifes sake, but its difficult. They are very nice people but we are so different its incredible. Anyone else have this situation, and how do you cope?

 

[Jason Seaver]

Well, not being married, I don't have quite the same problem. I get along with my brother's wife OK, but I've really got nothing to say to the families of the people my parents married after they divorced. Heck, I don't even use step-words (I was 22 when they married; that's too old to call someone new any kind of mother/father/etc). All too often, my brother(s) and I will try to blow out of family get-togethers as quickly as possible, because there's not getting around the fact that if our families weren't connected by marriage, I'd never know these people.

Most of them are fairly pleasant people, and I can actually talk with some of them. But I'm big on finding something else to do.

 

[Brian Kleinke]

I get along with my wife's parents and sister just fine. I don't have any problems finding things to discuss. So alas I don't have any suggestions for ya :frowning:

 

[Joel Mack]

When I was married, I got along great with my in-laws. Still do, in fact.

 

[Dennis Reno]

Yes I like them. Very nice people, pleasant to be around.

I dated a girl in college for several years. We discussed getting married after graduating. Her mother was an overbearing b!tch. Looking back on it I think that her Mom was the #1 reason we broke up and were never able to patch things up.

It worked out for the best as I ended up marrying my high school sweetheart. I liked her parents from day one and they liked me. Well, except for the time that I dumped her when we were in college, but they got over that in time!

 

[KyleS]

I actually get along pretty well with my in laws when we are together but everyone can only handle so much. Heck on our Christmas vacation we spent almost 3 weeks with them in their apartment and all I have to say is at the end of the 3 weeks we were all ready to kill each other.
My father in law took awhile for me to figure out. He is a surgeon and has a very VERY dry sense of humor so in the beginning I often couldnt tell when he was joking and when he was serious. Now we get along great especially since he is an new electronics FREAK and I am able to get his "Toys" at pretty good discounts through my distributers.
My Mother-in-Law....... Now that is another story all together so can really piss me off every now and again when she opens her mouth
KyleS

 

[Jared_B]

Anyone else have this situation, and how do you cope?

I was, and I got a divorce.

It wasn't the reason for the divorce, but it's an easy way to cope!

Actually, I tend to be one who can carry on conversations with just about anyone because I have a lot of interests. Even if something does not interest me, I usually know enough to make small talk about it. The trick is finding out what the other person is interested in.

Take note of little things like what magazines they might have laying around the house. Even pictures on the walls can give you a clue as to what they're interested in.

 

[Steven K]

I get along great with my in-laws.
Neither I, nor my family, have much in common with them from a lifestyle standpoint (we have always been middle-class, and they are closer to upper-class). As such, my wife has come to expect a little more in life than I have (from a materialistic standpoint), but it doesn't cause any major problems.
I get along great with my sisters-in-law. In fact I was friends with one of them long before I ever met her sister (now my wife )
I've never had a problem getting along with any of my girlfriends' families. To be quite honest, I never really did understand why so many people have problems with their in-laws. I've dated girls from all walks of life, with all different kinds of family lives... and I've always had great relationships with them.
Maybe it's because I'm not a Raiders fan. Oh wait, wrong thread now...

 

[Scott Bourden]

I am not married, but have a girlfriend of 2+ years...
To put it bluntly, I really dislike her family... They honestly make me want to hit myself in the face with a shovel rather then carry on a conversation longer then 30 seconds with them.
They are crude, loud, heavy drinkers and gamblers, and frankly, a bunch of assholes. I'm not quite sure how my girlfriend came out of there without ending up like that. They are so... "stereotypical" low class... I don't know how to describe it. Like the rednecks of the north if you will. (living up north and all, not a bash on northernly residents)
Perhaps that makes me a snob, but I have no time for them, and I've made that quite clear. Hence me spending ZERO time at either of her parents houses, even over the holidays. If she wnats to visit, have fun, and she'll see me in a week when she gets back

 

[Karl_O]

I thought the term applies to low-class whites living in the South?

 

[Scott Bourden]

I thought the term applies to low-class whites living in the South?

They fit into the typical (though not always accurate) stereotypical spot of the southern rednack, but we all live up north, so they are like the "rednecks", but from the north

 

[Mark Brewer]

My wife's family structure is based on guilt and manipulation. You throw someone(me and wife's sisters husbands) into the mix who comes from open and honest families and you get a volitile mix.

I've actually had to sit my mother-in-law down and tell her that her behavior and snide comments were unaccptable.
The sad part is that my wife and I have tried to keep our children out of it but my 8 year old daughter is very perceptive and is starting to catch on.

One thing that I have learned is that you hold people accountable for their behavior and words and not let them get away with it in name of "keeping the peace".

I don't accept that type of behavior (snideness, manipulation, gossiping with extreme exageration) from my children why should it be acceptable from adults.

 

[Luis S]

Whoa Mark,that sounds alot like my in-laws! They try every chance they get to lay guilt on my wife and use it to manipulate her.This was a big problem when we started going out but now six years later shes basicaly told them to F*$k off. Ive had to help her get self esteem that she never had because they were always putting her down and making her feel like shit I cant stand those assholes, they never liked me and I never liked them,they almost didnt even come to the wedding out of spite! Have I ever wronged them? Nope. Im intelligent,good looking (Well to be honest Im not buff like I used to be :b ) and talented. Always came over and showed respect,never acted like some kind of punk around them,but then once they started talking ill of me AND my wife we just stared to write them off. Now we dont even see them on holidays. Good ridance
Luis

 

[Mark Brewer]

Luis
Sounds very Similar. When my wife and I got married almost ten years ago my wife reached out to her mom to involve her in the process of planning but mom-in-law was not really interested. Then years later mom-in-law complaimed to my wife's sister that my wife wouldn't involve her in the wedding.
Before we were married the in-laws told my wife's grandparents that I was a phony and my true colors would shine through and they didn't like me.
Well they were wrong. It was funny to watch my wife's mom squirm about a year ago when I told her I knew what she said. She of course denied it but I said "look you are not going to sit in my house and lie to me, you know what you said, but I forgive you". That floored her, I think she was expecting me to lash out and then she could say she I told you. but I disarmed her. I Always look back at that moment with pleasant memories
I've too had to help my wife with he self esteem and remind her that she is not her mother. We stil go over for holidays and to visit but mom-in-law won't even look me in the eye. I just smile and am very pleasant
My new philosophy: kill them with kindness, It's like fingernails on the chaulkboard to her because it reveals her phony perceptions and how she treats others.

 

[Chris Knox]

Sure, nosey, manipulating, officious-assed-me-monkey-bitch who's daughter is too good for any man on the planet and doesn't mind reminding you of it every chance she gets. A father who is an obnoxious and rude bastard that thinks everything in the world is run by a bunch of jews living underground in some bunker beneath New York, and who has been observed picking his nose and placing his boogers in his ear, as if for safe keeping...

What's not to like?

 

[Charles J P]

I guess I'm lucky, my wife is an only child and her parents treat my like there own son. Her mother is very nice and alway treats me with respect. The ONLY thing we dont see eye to eye on is purchases, especially HT related. This is sometimes a problem with both families since my wife and I make significantly more money than both our parents. Not to dis her mom at all, but her dad is even better. We get along great and he is a cross between a father and a best buddy. We drink together, like the same teams, etc. He's a mechanic and I'm an IT auditor, but that doesnt really cause any problems since we both have similar philosphies. Also, in the end we're both "gear heads" me for tech, him for cars, so our jobs arent that different. She also gets along great with my parents and they like her but I wont try to speak for them since they're not here. Like I said, I guess we're lucky.

 

[Dave Morton]

I must be lucky. I like my mother in-law. She's a little old italian lady from the old country. When my father in-law was alive, a little old italian man from the old country, he was quite fun to be around. Always joking and being a real goof. It was a sad day when he passed away. As for my wife's siblings, I get along with them just fine.

 

[Andrew Pratt]

yikes I am ever glad i picked the in laws i did My father in law and i have similar interests in many regards and build on those but we also have many different interests that I share more closely with my own father so for me I can fit in with both families quite easily. Mother in law is VERY similar to my wife so she's easy to get along with as well....heck I even lived with them for 6 months while my wife was in another city so they can't be that bad

 

[MickeS]

Fortunately I really like my in-laws (well, we were banned from their house and didn't speak with each other for a few months, but other than that, haha ). My father in law loves computers and movies, so it's easy to talk to him. My mother in law is also very nice, and a great cook.
/Mike

 

[Scott Leopold]

Without answering directly, I'll just relate some of the milder experiences I've been through with my wife's family. Soon after we started dating, I got to meet only relatives, aside from her parents, who live locally--her aunt & uncle, two cousins, and grandmother. Her aunt's a professor, her uncle's a lawyer. Her uncle's family has a bit of money, and they like to let you know. They're also much better than you or anyone else they meet, and they like to let you know that as well. I did my best to make a good impression, but they made it clear that nothing I did, or planned on doing, lived up to their expectations. I wasn't overly concerned about this, but it did make holidays stressful since the point of the pre-, during, and post-dinner talk was to show how much better their kids were than my wife & I (they have an older son who would appear at the holidays but didn't live at home).

We've always had problems of some sort with her parents, and her aunt (her dad's sister) has always decided that these problems were somehow her business, and that they were always my fault. Shortly after our wedding, she began calling my wife on a regular basis. I never knew why, but my wife would always end up in tears. One day, I was the one who answered the phone. I told my wife her aunt was on the phone, but instead of hanging up, I put it on mute & listened in. After the call, I found out that for the past 6 weeks, the conversation had been the same--her aunt would call, tell her what a big mistake she had made, remind her that her uncle was a lawyer and could quickly and easily get her a divorce, and that she was stupid if she didn't take her up on it. We didn't see them for 8 or 9 months after that, which just lessened me in their eyes even further.

One Thanksgiving, we went to her aunt & uncle's for dinner. I had been sick for while (long story short, I had a potassium imbalance), and had finally started feeling better. During the 3 weeks or so that I was sick, I had to take a break from my housework duties (at the time, we split things "evenly"--my wife did the laundry and I did everything else). My wife got a little stressed during my illness and had to do a lot more than she was used to. This was relayed to her parents, who then made it a major topic of conversation with her aunt and uncle. Following dinner, while the women were cleaning and talking in the kitchen, the men sat around the table and talked. The topic turned to me, and her uncle immediately asked me if I felt I helped around the house. I explained that I had slacked off a bit while I was sick, but things were finally back to normal. In the next five minutes he harrassed me over the issue and finally called me a "lying son of a bitch", and said I wasn't a real man since I forced my wife to do everything. Not wanting to ruin the holidays with violence, I simply got up, grabbed my wife & son, and left.

Holidays are not quite as confrontational now (actually, we weren't even called this year, which was very nice). The last couple years, I've pretty much been relegated to a non-entity. Two years ago was bad enough that the cousin I was seated next to wouldn't even acknowledge my presence, even when passing the food. The eldest cousin was married a few years ago, and his wife was nice as could be to us at first, but they soon taught her the error of her ways. The last few times we've seen them, they do their best to ignore us, or look down on anything we say or do. This is always amusing, especially knowing their dirty laundry (ie. it's funny to see cousin #2 look down on me for drinking a single beer after his drug arrests and rehab).

This did change a bit after our daughter was born just over a year ago. The aunt & the daughter came to visit us at the hospital, and the aunt said the first nice things she had ever said to me in all the years I've known her, which was quite a shock. The excitement of the new baby was enough to get the aunt acting friendly for a short while, and although my wife was optimistic, I was pretty sure it wouldn't last. Despite several attempts to see them, we only saw the aunt once prior to our daughter's baptism. She was 6 months old at the time, and it was the first time the uncle had ever seen her. And then he only actually saw her up close for about 30 seconds. We took pictures following the ceremony, and despite his protests, he did come up for one picture, looked at her, then walked away. We've not seen or heard from them since, which doesn't bug me in the slightest.

I could go on for pages & pages just on the aunt and uncle. We've had far fewer negative experiences with them than we've had with my wife's parents (probably a 75-1 ratio). Unfortunately, very few people believe the stories (letting our 2-year old son play unsupervised with pruning shears, preaching racism to him at age 5 because they were upset that he didn't realize there was any significant difference between the differntly-colored people on TV (this led to a "fun" meeting with the school principal after my son tried out all the new words his grandfather had taught him)) without actually meeting them in person, so I haven't written out most of it in years. I'll admit that things have been much better with her parents at least the last 3 years or so, but there was an 8 year period where every day I'd tell myself there was no way they could do something worse or more ridiculous than they'd done the day before, and sure enough they'd prove me wrong every time. What's frustrating is that, to this day, they continue to deny every awful thing they've done over the years.