Do you ever try to convince your wife/girlfriend/whatever, that she actually BENEFITS

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by James Zos, Feb 5, 2002.

  1. James Zos

    James Zos Supporting Actor

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    ...from your hobby/neurotic obsessive disorder?

    Here's what I'm getting at. Let's say - just by way of example - that my girlfriend and I are arguing about our contributions toward the household.

    What's wrong with my saying, say, "Okay, honey. You do most of the cleaning, cooking, keeping track of the bills, etc. But I HAVE provided us with this TOTALLY BITCHEN SOUND SYSTEM?"

    Why isn't that a factor? Why does she only see the cables, the wires, the chaos - instead of bathing in the pure, beautiful sound that results? She has, from time to time, acknowledged an improvement when I have replaced something, but I swear I could switch our 27-inch TV with a 13-inch black and white portable, and run the sound through an old boombox, and she MIGHT NOT NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE...

    I'm exaggerating, slightly. She probably would notice the difference (although I once upgraded my monitor--going from a 12 inch to a 17 inch--and deliberately chose the same make and brand, which looked identical, only bigger, hoping she wouldn't notice--and she didn't...)

    I guess what I'm getting at, is, were we to break up, and she started going out with some guy running his DVD player through his TV speakers...THEN she'd realize what she had lost...

    Right?

    (And yes, this IS a "hardware-related" question.)
     
  2. Bob Christensen

    Bob Christensen Stunt Coordinator

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    James: You are right, it IS a hardware problem. Or at least it WILL be when she hits you up-side your head with a fry pan!

    As for your last sentence, just keep telling yourself that, over and over.
     
  3. James Zos

    James Zos Supporting Actor

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    Ouch. Okay, maybe I "overstated" my case a little. I was trying for a humorous touch. I'm not QUITE as bad as I presented myself (I do, for instance, help out with some of the chores, and I do cook, even if it is mostly just to stick a frozen pizza in the oven).

    I don't want to get hit over the head with a frying pan, unless it doesn't really hurt and my face flattens out and then goes back to normal, just like in the cartoons...

    Seriously though. I DO think my obsession over my audio/video setup brings some MUTUAL benefits. My girlfriend actually watches more television than I do (I'm too busy tweaking my system to actually listen to it). Why can't that count as a contribution to the household, just like my painting the house or building a new deck would?
     
  4. Bob Christensen

    Bob Christensen Stunt Coordinator

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    I'm a single father with 2 kids. My girlfreind also has 2 kids. When we go OUT for a movie, it costs about $75 a pop. Nuff said. When it is just the 2 of us, it is hard to snuggle in the movie theater ;D (you just gotta remember what is important to HER, and then frame everything in reference to THAT).
     
  5. KevinW

    KevinW Stunt Coordinator

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    James, you have either forgotten or never realized the most important factor in a relationship with a woman. And that is the fact that you will NEVER! contribute as much to the relationship as the woman. No amount of cooking, cleaning, yard-work, or general maintenance on your part will ever equal the amount of work that a woman puts into running a household. Even with the contribution of a kick-ass home theater system, you'll still fall behind! [​IMG]
    Sorry, that's just the way it is...........
     
  6. Mike__D

    Mike__D Supporting Actor

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    I have to agree with Kevin. Although my GF doesn't live with me, I have to keep my place very clean for when she comes over. Before I met her, I was a slob [​IMG] (I can thank my years in college for that)
    But, since then, I've been doing a lot to keep my place clean, but it still isn't good enough for her. While I look at it as making GREAT strides towards being cleaner, she looks at it as barely scratching the surface... it's a losing battle for me.
     
  7. Bob Christensen

    Bob Christensen Stunt Coordinator

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    Mike__D: Have you considered a maid [​IMG]
     
  8. Hank_P

    Hank_P Second Unit

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    uh.. Bob... are you trying to get Mike_D killed [​IMG] ..suggesting another girl go to his place and clean it... ohhhhhh!! ..and when the girlfriend finds out there is another "woman" in his place ..she's going to kill him [​IMG]
    ...but the thought of a gorgeous woman with one of those little maid outfits dusting my 5.1 .... :b
    my suggestion.. keep buying movies that SHE likes!!!
     
  9. Mike__D

    Mike__D Supporting Actor

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    Bob, if I had a maid I'd have to give her about 6 month's of my salary just to think about cleaning my place :b
     
  10. Mike LS

    Mike LS Supporting Actor

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  11. Steve_Ma

    Steve_Ma Second Unit

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    James,

    It's only of value in that type of debate if SHE sees some benefit there. Otherwise, don't even bring it into the fight or it will become cannon fodder.

    My solutions:

    * Get plenty of software (music and DVDs) that SHE and her friends will like. Then get out of the house once and awhile and let her have control of it all with her friends. I know, it's tough.

    * Make it simple to use, so she doesn't need a degree in engineering to play a CD.

    * Go out of your way to compliment her on some of her music and force yourself to sit through some of her movies. I know, "The Incredible Lightness of Being" or "How Stella Got Her groove Back" are not the rumbling, toe tappers, you might preferr, but it'll pay off.

    You might ask how this works for me???? We'll, our system has been used mostly for music and although I wanted a TV very badly, it wasn't in the budget, so I wasn't even bringing it up. Yesterday my wife came home and suggested we get a new TV as she was sick and tired of that crappy 25". I packed up her and the baby and took off shopping before she had a chance to change her mind. Hello Wega! She's already telling her friends about it.

    Anyway, just my $.02

    --Steve
     
  12. Legairre

    Legairre Supporting Actor

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    My dad used to say: in relationships you can either be happy or you can be right, but you'll never be both at the same time. It took me years to figure it out but what he meant was. If you choose to be happy it's, because you gave in to her(even thought you might be right).[​IMG]. If you choose to be right(she'll make sure your not happy for it).[​IMG].
    I guess he's saying you can't win. Just accept you fate and stick to your guns on the things that really matter in life and give in on the little things.:b
     
  13. Mike LS

    Mike LS Supporting Actor

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    [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  14. Ashley Burt

    Ashley Burt Extra

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    I have a CC that gets airlines miles. I'm about 8000 miles away from having a free flight to Hawaii. I tried to convince my fiance that if we bought a front projector we would basically get a free flight to Hawaii with it for our Honeymoon. Of course she is an engineer and pointed out how much cheapier it is to buy the tickets outright. Worth a shot at least [​IMG]
    She has already promised when we get a home that I get a home theater room (as long as she can have hardwood floors in the rest of the house).
    Man I was THIS close to having a REALLY big movie screen.:p)
     
  15. Brian Kleinke

    Brian Kleinke Supporting Actor

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    My fiance isn't crazy about how much $ I've spent on this crazy addiction... but she loves the big screen tv and good sound system. Since she's going for a Music PHd she at least understands what sounds good [​IMG]
     
  16. Vlad D

    Vlad D Screenwriter

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    Real Name:
    Vladimir Derenoncourt
     
  17. MarkMaestas

    MarkMaestas Agent

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    James,
    You don't want to run the risk of damaging or ending a relationship because of your home theater hobby so try this instead. First, open up an account that she knows nothing about and start saving money for purchases. Whenever you get a new piece of equipment, tell her a rich guy on the forum gave it to you for helping him with his theater. You could say that he lives in the area and you are going to his house to help with setup. Since you aren't really helping him, you could go have some beers with your buddies. Also, try to train her like the stunt animals in the movies by using "treats". Whenever you finish watching a movie, give her a kiss and a piece of chocolate. Soon, whenever she sees you lying on the couch watching a movie she will start getting excited and not even know why.
    Good Luck
    Mark[​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  18. James Zos

    James Zos Supporting Actor

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    I want to thank everyone for all the advice, serious or not (Mark, your "stunt animal" gave me a chuckle--it's more like she's training ME) but I want to say again, as I did in my second post, that the situation is not as bad as I made it out to be, and that I am not quite as thick-headed as I made myself out to be. I was exaggerating slightly in what I hoped would be a humorous way. My girlfriend and I are not about to break up over my home theater (though if she knew how much everything actually cost--THEN she might leave me!)

    I hope I would never let material things really get in the way of my relationship: they are, of course, for all the pleasure they may bring us, still only OBJECTS, and living things should always trump objects when it comes to what's closest to our hearts...

    I DO however, feel that, of all the hobbies or interests one could have, this IS one that is more likely to bring pleasure to those who do not quite share it as intensely as we do. We are talking about SOUND here, and everyone, to greater or lesser degree, likes things they think sound good, vs. things they think sound bad.

    Contrast this to other hobbies: say I was a gun collector or something (I don't want to get fired on by you NRA members out there--this is only an EXAMPLE); gun collecting is not something everybody will naturally share: a collection of guns is not something everybody else, particularly my girlfriend, will be able to enjoy. Stamp collecting is another obvious example.

    It just so happens that many interests are, of course, not quite as EXPENSIVE as this one, but some are more expensive.

    As I said before, it is probably good for my relationship that my girlfriend has no idea how much I've spent (I'm talking about my own money here, naturally, not our non-existent kid's college fund, or something like that). Be that as it may, she DOES appreciate good sound, in her, uh, limited way.
     
  19. Mike LS

    Mike LS Supporting Actor

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  20. James Zos

    James Zos Supporting Actor

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    Yes, I hear you. Point taken. I think the biggest problem my obsession with home theater has caused, is not on the financial end of things (though maybe it would be if I talked about how much I spent) but on the amount of time I spend thinking about it or working on it. If I have to change anything, that is it. I have to learn to forget I even HAVE a home theater on a regular basis, and spend more time with my girlfriend. This I have learned after a discussion this morning which has made my thread--which I had considered something of a joke--into more of a reality. Gotta work on the relationship more than the home theater. Obvious, huh? Well, I guess I needed a wakeup call.

    Okay, I'll stop bothering you all with this, and, as one poster suggested, call Dr. Laura. The only problem is, I HATE Dr. Laura, so maybe I shouldn't call her. I'll call that other, nicer radio shrink lady.

    Adios, and thanks for all good advice everyone.
     

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