Did I make a romantic mistake?

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by John Kilduff, Apr 4, 2006.

  1. John Kilduff

    John Kilduff Screenwriter

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    Here's the situation:

    I've been single for more than 5 years now and I'm always looking out for opportunities. I have self-confidence and I think I advertise pretty well, but I also think I made a mistake.

    As I was getting ready to leave, I talked to one of my CSMs (Yes, I work at Wal-Mart) and I found out that she was single. I was going to try and follow that lead, but then I decided that since she had some authority over me, I would be accused of impropriety or gaining special favors.

    Did I make the right decision in deciding not to go through with the idea?

    Sincerely,

    John Kilduff...

    Has anybody else found themselves in a situation like this?
     
  2. Justin Lane

    Justin Lane Cinematographer

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    I wouldn't be too worried. Jobs in retail typically have looser employee fraternization policies than an office type setting. Plus, unless you see Wal Mart as a career (been hearing those radio ads lately about the great opportunities), it is an easy enough job to replace with one similar if things go south.

    J
     
  3. TonyD

    TonyD Who do we think I am?
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    it's agianst the rules at blockbuster.
    you can be fired if a mangment dates a csr.
    but only in the same store.
     
  4. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Be prepared to find another job if you really hit it off with the lady.
     
  5. Mike Graham

    Mike Graham Supporting Actor

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    John, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

    I ask because it seems like the main way people meet other singles when they're in their 20s is through work. While I've only been involved in small office jobs with an older workforce, I know many of my friends have just about fraternized with everyone who worked below and over them, even if it was looked down upon, so yes its a fairly common thing.

    However, like Patrick said, if push comes to shove, don't neglect the possibility that you may have to leave your position if things go well or go bad.
     
  6. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Executive Producer
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    After reviewing "Moonstruck" I must pass along one of the nuggets from the film:

    "Don't shit where you eat."

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Jeff Gatie

    Jeff Gatie Lead Actor

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    Speaking from experience, take this to heart. Then again, Mike Graham makes some good points. In my younger years, the fraternization among co-workers was rampant. Probably 80% of my friends from back then married girls they met through their high school/college job (we all worked in a supermarket). But nowadays, with liability and sexual harassment rules being what they are, I would take care. Be prepared to abandon your "eating" place if things go to "shit". [​IMG]
     
  8. Jeff Ulmer

    Jeff Ulmer Producer

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    I think the other thing to consider is how serious a relationship this is likely to be. If you are simply out for a good time, forget it. Once the relationship is done, you have an ex as a superior. If there appears to be more than just a casual interest, then procede knowing that one of you may need to find a new job down the line.
     
  9. John Kilduff

    John Kilduff Screenwriter

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    Thanks for all the advice and takes on the subject.

    With all this, I don't think it'll be worth it, so I won't go for it. I'll just continue to advertise and see what results I get.

    Sincerely,

    John Kilduff...

    And to answer Mike's question, I'm 23.
     
  10. Chu Gai

    Chu Gai Lead Actor

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    Post a pic of her John. [​IMG]
     
  11. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Not relationship wise, but over the past 8 years, I have become best friends with a female co-worker. It's extremely difficult at times because she is in IT and when I need something done (and she either forgets about it or doesn't do it), it makes it very difficult for me to ask firmly (or go to the supervisor) without her getting very offended and taking it personally (like I am betraying the friendship).
     
  12. Inspector Hammer!

    Inspector Hammer! Executive Producer

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    Here's another option, go for it with this girl and just leave it at home and ask her if she's willing to do the same, just explain your concern to her.

    If managment doesn't know about it, they can't fire you.
     
  13. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    How could you, given that you haven't actually done anything, except a whole lot of thinking leading to a non-decision? [​IMG]

    Nothing in your story qualifies as a "romatic mistake". Whether that is good or bad is another story [​IMG].

    --
    H
     
  14. Steve Schaffer

    Steve Schaffer Producer

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    I think in a situation like this it's preferable to err on the side of caution. Thus if you have made a mistake it was the right one to make.
     
  15. Kirk Gunn

    Kirk Gunn Screenwriter

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    And.... what was that lead ? Did she say "by the way John, did you know I'm single ", then bent over to pick up a pen while her low-cut blouse revealed....

    Or did she say "I'm single and loving it ! My last boyfriend was such a jerk and I'd like to scratch his eyes out !!!!"

    As a general rule I would not advise dating co-workers or supervisors, but there are success stories out there.

    Why don't you try just being her friend first ? Then you can make sure she doesn't have a fondness for deadly snakes, ice picks, etc...

    Good luck !
     
  16. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    When I tried to date a co-worker, instead of asking her out (at the workplace), I made plans to go out as a group (with other co-workers), then when we were out, I'd try to get to know her better and make the call (based on that experience) if she was interested or not.

    This way, it kept things pretty safe. If you're going to even think about asking her out on an actual date, it's best to not do it at work.

    Also, maybe she IS interested, but will still shoot you down because of her position and the possible awkwardness of asking her out while at work. It's definitely best to do these kinds of things in a more 'looser' atmosphere.
     
  17. Lew Crippen

    Lew Crippen Executive Producer

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    First (and most important from a legal (and perhaps moral) perspective:

    It is always questionable to date an employee who is subordinate to you and depending on your company’s HR policies, may be cause for termination. Further, if things go wrong somewhere down the line, you leave yourself open to harassment charges.

    But so long as she does not report to you or is not in your direct line of authority, there is nothing at all to keep you from asking her out. And if you are really interested in her, you could consider a lateral transfer so that she is no longer under you (employment-wise, that is) and you would then be free to ask her out. If I were to take this option, I’d feel her out about the possibility of dating before getting the transfer.
     
  18. RobertR

    RobertR Lead Actor

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    That's exactly what happened to one of my colleagues at work. Her husband was her supervisor, and they both got fired from the aerospace company they worked for.
     
  19. Wendy_L

    Wendy_L Supporting Actor

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    John,

    I used to work at a Wal-Mart and from what I heard everyone was sleeping with everyone else... and it didn't matter what their 'position' in the company was. It's friggin Wal-Mart for goodness sake. I say "go for it".

    I work at a hospital and I was naked with my boss in a hot tub last year and it didn't change our relationship at all. Well, that's not true. We do talk a little bit more but that's about it.

    I think some of the people on this thread are overthinking things a bit. But I have learned that happens with these guys. [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  20. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Right now I'm having problems thinking at all...all this talk about sex at Wal-Mart and naked in a hot tub has got me all worked up [​IMG]
     

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