Diary Of A Dog and a Cat

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Scott Merryfield, Apr 27, 2002.

  1. Scott Merryfield

    Scott Merryfield Executive Producer

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    A friend sent this to me. I thought it was cute (and pretty accurate).

    Excerpts from a DOG'S diary:

    Day number 180

    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 181

    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 182

    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

    1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling

    objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry

    cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the

    mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

    Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their

    feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top

    of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile

    oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite

    chair...must try this on their bed.

    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in

    attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike

    fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a

    good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

    DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good

    reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included

    a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent

    such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck

    between my teeth.

    DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was

    placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise

    and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More

    importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of

    "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe

    snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to

    return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got

    to be an informant, and speaks with

    them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his

    current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

    But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
     
  2. Mary M S

    Mary M S Screenwriter

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  3. alan halvorson

    alan halvorson Cinematographer

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    I've always like the Elaine Boosler joke: What would a dog say if he could talk? Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Throw it again!
     
  4. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    You have to see the world from a cat's perspective, though. "There greater things in heaven and earth than. ..."
     

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