Diary Of A Dog and a Cat

Scott Merryfield

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Dec 16, 1998
Messages
16,161
Location
Michigan
A friend sent this to me. I thought it was cute (and pretty accurate).

Excerpts from a DOG'S diary:

Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!

1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling

objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry

cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the

mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their

feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top

of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile

oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite

chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in

attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike

fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a

good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good

reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included

a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent

such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck

between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was

placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise

and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More

importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of

"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe

snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to

return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got

to be an informant, and speaks with

them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his

current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
 

Mary M S

Screenwriter
Joined
Mar 12, 2002
Messages
1,544
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body,
My miniature tiger brought me a squirrel, and left it under my kitchen table in that condition.
The saran wrap at the grocery store removes us so neatly from the food chain, it is difficult when we see it in action.
PS. Welcome to the forum from another neophyte!
 

alan halvorson

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Oct 2, 1998
Messages
2,009
I've always like the Elaine Boosler joke: What would a dog say if he could talk? Throw the ball! Throw the ball! Throw it again!
 

Jack Briggs

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Jun 3, 1999
Messages
16,805
You have to see the world from a cat's perspective, though. "There greater things in heaven and earth than. ..."
 

Forum Sponsors

Forum statistics

Threads
345,562
Messages
4,745,866
Members
141,485
Latest member
Huzaifa