Curse Of The Commentary Tracks Of The Damned (1 Viewer)

[Richard Kim]

An analysis of DVD commentary tracks of some pretty crappy movies courtesy of The Onion.

Here's an example:

SUSPECT

The Master Of Disguise (2002)

CRIMES
• Being an adventure-comedy without much adventure or comedy
• Using the "Dana Carvey plays dress-up" premise as an excuse for him to do self-indulgent impressions of Peter Sellers, David Niven, and Robert Shaw
• Quickly overusing its one funny bit, in which Carvey repeatedly says "turtle" while dressed in a turtle suit

DEFENDERS
Director Perry Blake and writer/star Carvey

TONE OF COMMENTARY
Unashamed/devil-may-care. Carvey starts by promising viewers, "You've clicked on something really fun," but within minutes, he's writing off the rootless craziness by insisting, "It's just a silly comedy."

WHAT WENT WRONG
The studio paid too much attention, while the filmmakers didn't pay enough. Carvey complains, "We had 12 people in the editing room," and at various points he seems genuinely surprised by what's onscreen, saying, "That's the first time I've seen that. It's... funny?" Later, still confused, he explains, "This is where we're going for kinda like syrupy Disney, almost spoofish, but then... madness."

COMMENTS ON THE CAST
When James Brolin's credit in the movie's opening is placed over a picture of a big baby, Carvey says, "I have no comment." When Harold Gould does a little dance, Carvey halfheartedly mentions, "That was kind of a thrill, because Harold's done Broadway."

INEVITABLE DASH OF PRETENSION
Referring to the recurring joke of having villain Brent Spiner punctuate his maniacal rants with muted flatulence, Carvey rhapsodizes, "It's like a musical thing... 'Ha ha ha, fffft!'... And then silence."

THE COMMENTARY IN A NUTSHELL
Blake: "The whole thing about the farts... We went back and forth about 'Big farts? Little farts?' Finally, we just determined, 'One fart, all the time, but different reactions.'... Apparently, there's no limit to the number of farts you can have in a movie and still be funny."

You can read the whole article

at this link.

 

[Michael Qualen]

I sure wish I hadn´t bought this piece of garbage ! MAN this movie sucks big time...What happened to Dana Carvey ?? I just ordered the Wayne´s World set to try to get back the picture of Dana Carvey when he was actually funny...

AVOID at all costs

 

[Jesse Skeen]

It's funny that 2 of the titles on that list are only available in pan and scan. Did ANYONE who bought those (not including those who were given free promo copies) actually listen to the commentaries on them??