Contacted an old friend, turns out he's schizophrenic. Advice? (1 Viewer)

[MickeS]

Chris, my question was not rhetorical, I asked in all honesty. I have no idea if schizophrenics are dangerous or not, but after the responses from the other people in the thread, I was curious to see what experience you had since you didn't agree with them.

Interesting discussion, but I still think you shouldn't be so sarcastic and put down those who don't agree with you.

/Mike

 

[Brian-W]

Cancer doesn't leave people subject to paranoia and delusions and potentially violent. Schizophrenia (which isn't really a single "disease" but a name given to a whole range of problems) does.

Schizophrenia is a single disease, but the general public lumps a lot of other diseases or issues into Schizophrenia. And it is a disease pure and simple. It's like Cancer in that it is not a contagious disease, but a life altering one.

Like Cancer, Schizophrenia has MANY stages in the disease. Where your friend was stopped is unknown. The delusions he's having about the "feds" (paranoid activity) is normal for a schizo, but unless treated with good meds, could be walking a fine line between recovery (yes, possible with good meds), and point of no return. If at the point of no return, meds can try to allow your friend a somewhat stable life (open to definition) allowing one to care for himself, but likely needing supervision.

First and foremost, it's not your responsibility to care for your friend. His family and close friends should take care of his medical needs. A good psychiatrist with good meds (there are a variety of different meds based on the stage he's in, and no prozac isn't one of them). They need to look out for him plain and simple.

Second, if you wish to resume contact, then do so. But you best brush up on schizophrenia so that when you talk with him, you can separate "your friend" from the schizophrenic talk. If he's been on good meds for a while, he should act and talk normally. If he's still doing weird things like paranoid talk, rhyming words (this is a very bad mental sign), then either he's not taking his meds or he needs stronger meds. Drugs WILL NOT "cure" (i.e. for him to act 'normally') someone quickly. It takes time, and every person is different.

But take up this friendship because you want to and not because you feel the need to. Don't go in feeling like you have to be his friend because he's sick, or that you want to be the one that helps him through this disease. Being there is one thing...being the person that is solely helping him is not advised. If you have a family as someone else pointed out, that is your responsibility and leave it as such. If he calls you back, take it for what it's worth (follow through or don't). If he doesn't call you back, it's likely that he doesn't want to continue the friendship. People do grow apart, it happens.

However, I'm not going to tell you to run away from someone like this.

And lastly, the mass majority of schizo patients don't want to talk about their disease (especially to others) and many will not acknowledge that they even have it.

 

[Chris Souders]

MickeS

And I answered in all honesty. I think the thread has largely fulfilled its purpose, of getting a general consensus to Brett about what the average person would do given that circumstance. I'd wonder what people would do if it was their brother or sister who turned schizophrenic? Drop them too, or do family ties mean more? What if it is your boyfriend/girlfriend? Best friend? My point is at what level of relationship do you retreat (selfishly I think) to self-preservation and/or family preservation at the expense of writing off another human being who you had a relationship of some sort with. Didn't Newt Gingrich divorce his wife when she had cancer or some such thing? Is that morally acceptable? And would it be if she had developed mental illness? Nevertheless, it is a bunch to think about. It's also why mental illness is so stigmatized in society today. At this point, I'd rather have HIV than mental illness (except for maybe depression)...

Brian W.

Good advice. And though you likely know it, I've never heard of a cured schizphrenic. Drugs can stabilize them to hopefully lead a normal life, but it is not curable in the technical sense.

I saw this quote from the link below...

"Schizophrenia is a cruel disease. The lives of those affected are often chronicles of constricted experiences, muted emotions, missed opportunities, unfulfilled expectations. It leads to a twilight existence, a twentieth-century underground man... It is in fact the single biggest blemish on the face of contemporary American medicine and social services; when the social history of our era is written, the plight of persons with schizophrenia will be recorded as having been a national scandal."
- E. Fuller Torrey, M.D., Surviving Schizophrenia


Chris Souders

 

[Brian-W]

http://www.schizophrenia.com/newslet...ets/intro.html

Found this, might help you out

 

[Josh Lowe]

What if he knew his friend had terminal cancer and a year to live. His friend didn't mention it in the phone call and this bothered him. Would you still tell him to stay clear? Ignore the guy? Forget it? The heartlessness displayed by the majority of you is disturbing.

Well, this conversation is just full of topics I have (unfortunate) experience with.

Spending time with someone with terminal cancer is nothing like spending time with someone who has a mental illness like schizophrenia. I can't possibly understand where this analogy comes from. Dealing with a person who is schizophrenic can be frustrating and stressful to say the least. Remember, I've done it for nearly 30 years and watched my grandparents and mom deal with it on a much more involved level. Restarting a friendship where the friend is probably not even the same person anymore (and I don't mean in the 'people change' way) when you have little to no experience with the kind of illness that person has.. that's daunting as hell. I didn't say he should not seek his friend out any further.. but I sure as hell don't blame those who have said that, they have totally valid points. And remember, that's coming from someone with experience in this subject.

 

[Max Leung]

Chris, I understand your frustration. You'd wish schizophrenia would have the same happy outcomes as some recent Hollywood movies dealing with the subject. Too bad it doesn't happen that way. Taking care of a schizophrenic outside of a hospital environment is a non-trivial matter. The family has to give up nearly everything to care for this one person. Even in this age of modern technology and medications, it is still a daunting task.

If I found that I was to come down with a debilitating disease such as Alzheimer's or some other devastating mental illness, I would consider assisted suicide. Seriously. I refuse to be a burden on my family or my friends. I'd rather that they get on with their lives, and not waste away their best years caring for me. I am not so selfish as to expect a friend to drop everything to keep tabs on me.

What if it is your boyfriend/girlfriend?

In my case, she never called me back. Her mother called me to ask if I could return her things, which I did when her mother came by. I tried calling her a few times, but she never called back. Ever. No explanation was given, even by her family (probably at her request). I did not know it was her first serious schizophrenic episode. In fact, I thought it was one of those "nervous breakdowns" that happens only on TV. Ever had to call the cops at 2 AM in the morning, when a young woman has locked herself in your washroom, thinking her best friends and the government are after her?

My roommates (and best friends to this day) were patient and understanding. It was a terrible night for us. Wisely, my roommate knew something was up, and made sure that she stopped over at our place instead of following through with her delusion, which could have been life-threatening, considering that it was 20 below outside. She had just run away from home in the middle of the night in the middle of winter. A bad time to have an episode.

To this day, I am amazed that I didn't drop out of university. Instead, the next day, I resolved to get on with my life. If I had stuck around "to help" my life would have been ruined. She did not want my help, and indeed she was beyond help. It was not until SEVEN years had passed before she decided to establish contact again.