Confronting People

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Van Patton, Sep 13, 2004.

  1. Van Patton

    Van Patton Second Unit

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    No, this isn't about Curb your Enthusiasm!! lol.

    Got a question for ya. Would you confront somebody if they haven't texted or called or hung out with you in the past 2 weeks? I mean me and this chick have hung out 5/7 days of the week the whole summer, talked daily, but now since she is with her ex again, would you confront her about it? Her ex (who happens to be my ex best friend) told her he doesnt like her/doesnt want her to hang out with me.

    What would you do?
     
  2. John Alvarez

    John Alvarez Screenwriter

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    Let it go. She has obviously choosen him and his decision. If she can't put the dude in his place and tell him that she will continue to be friends with you then she must not think much of you. Let it go and one day when they break up again , then you can decide if YOU want to be friends.
     
  3. Lew Crippen

    Lew Crippen Executive Producer

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    Let us see.

    Her ex either dumped her (my inference) or she dumped him.

    Her ex is also your ex-best friend—and who does not want her to hang with you.

    She chose him. And by doing so chose not to be friends with you any more.

    If he dumps her again, it won’t have anything to do with you. If she dumps him (having seen the light) and wants to be friends again, I’d consider it, but if she gets dumped, I’d let it pass.

    Get over it and find some people who wants to hang with you. Unless things change (meaning that she dumps him) stay away from both of these ex-friends.

    This a very good rule to follow except when children are involved.
     
  4. Garrett Lundy

    Garrett Lundy Producer

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    From the rest of your story, I would say something is amiss, and let her go as others suggested.

    However your "2 week" timeline is personal. I've been known to go for several months without talking to family/friends. doesn't mean I don't like them.
     
  5. Ted Lee

    Ted Lee Lead Actor

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    well, it's clear that she's listening to him instead of hanging out with you ... so i'd let it go as well. if they're really your friends they'll keep up contact.

    one thing i've never understood (and this is no direct reference to you van patton) is people's desire to hang out with somebody even though the feeling may not be mutual. why try to force yourself upon someone? if they don't wanna hang out .... fuggum and go do something else.

    i had a very close friend during my college days. we were so close everyone referred to us as brothers. we hung out so much people were surprised if we weren't seen together - to the point of asking, "where's dave?" or "where's your shadow?, etc.

    one day he just stopped hanging out. there's more to the story but the point is i just let it go. even though we were so close in the past, it was clear he was ready to do his own thing ... so i just said cool and moved on.
     
  6. Drew Bethel

    Drew Bethel Screenwriter

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    Call a talk show...your love triange story might get some air time!
     
  7. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Now that summer is over, is she in school? Maybe she just doesn't have the time to contact you. Getting back with an ex can take up a lot of her time.

    If she is listening to him and not contacting you, then let it go. Let her decide wether she wants someone else to rule her life like that.
     
  8. Moe Maishlish

    Moe Maishlish Supporting Actor

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    Don't waste your time. If it's come down to those kinds of decisions, and you've been ditched, then don't lower yourself into confronting her. Turn around, and walk away. Give her a good view of your ass on your way out so she can see what she's losing.

    I had a friend who, up until a year ago, I considered very close. She was the kind of person that I'd talk to about anything & everything. Then one day I told her that my mom was sick, and she made herself scarce shortly thereafter.

    Yeah, it bugged me a lot, but you know what? FUCK HER. Friends like that fall off that bandwagon when the road get's a little bumpy... and that's fine, cause you don't want to drag dead weight around during you trip through life.

    Moe.
     
  9. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    I love that saying [​IMG]
     
  10. Van Patton

    Van Patton Second Unit

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    Well....some drama if anyone cares lol.......I called her today to see what was going on.....said she was having some family problems and just "going through somethings".......I ask what those might be....she says just private things. She says life sucks now....I'm completely lost.

    My best guess is that her parents hate that she is talking to/dating my ex best friend again. They hate the guy. I think she is torn between that and just isn't in control of her life.
    I honestly dont think I could just "let it go" and move on without knowing why or what is going on. I definitly forgive and forget but this is rediculous.
     
  11. Ted Lee

    Ted Lee Lead Actor

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    compare that first sentence with the second one. you're setting yourself up for a bunch of heart-ache dude.

    do you have a "thing" for this woman? if so, then i understand your reluctance. otherwise, do as you're told young man! [​IMG]

    just ... let ... it ... go ...

    hey, maybe we have a new antonio show to get into here. [​IMG]
     
  12. Van Patton

    Van Patton Second Unit

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    more drama lol......

    i confronted her (well talked to her online) and she said i was being selfish when I told her that her ex (my ex best friend) was trying to "F*** our friendship up."

    Oh well, you can't win em all.

    On a side note, I would like to point out that this stuff is trivial and meaningless when compared to Brent's thread about his mother and cancer. Please say a prayer for him and his family.

    BTW I'm not 12 as some prob think. I'm 19.
     
  13. Yee-Ming

    Yee-Ming Producer

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    Location:
    "on a little street in Singapore"
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    Yee Ming Lim

    From the perspective of relative old fogeys like me (35), that's not much difference [​IMG]

    Seriously, Lew's summary is IMHO absolutely spot-on. If she's not interested, let it go. I wished someone had knocked some sense into my head when I was 21 in college, hot for some girl, and she was sort-of stringing me along; I wasted 2 prime dating years chasing after her when I could have been seeing other girls, who might have been genuinely interested in a relationship. (Sorry, OT, not quite the same as Van's situation.)

    You haven't indicated if you're interested in her romantically or just as a friend, but either way the effect's the same. A relationship is two-way. If one way is blocked, you gotta let it go.
     
  14. John Alvarez

    John Alvarez Screenwriter

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    I hear that. At 42 now I can see the past very clearly...[​IMG]
    I just wish the young one like my 17 year old son and my 16 year old twin girls would just listen to my wisdom..[​IMG]
     
  15. Robert_Gaither

    Robert_Gaither Screenwriter

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    Great words of wisdom, she obviously made her decision and let her true feelings about herself and what she feels and respects of Van show. My suggestion Van is to drop her like the bad habit that she is as she treated you with complete disrespect and in her mind at best you're a safety net and not a friend.
     
  16. Erik.Ha

    Erik.Ha Supporting Actor

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    I would invest in a night vision scope, and start stalking her... But that's just me...
     
  17. DustinLC

    DustinLC Supporting Actor

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    I think it was bad moves confronting her, not once but twice. Take the suggestion of us guys who have been through all that. Let it go.

    Don't be naive in believing everything she tells you, family trouble, ect. It might be true, but it might just be an excuse to hang onto you when she shouldn't or she's just being nice or making excuses. At her age and her situation, who knows what's going through her might. Don't turn into a needy guy that try to convince yourself or her that they don't belong together. It's for them to decide. Any action you take at this point will make you seem needy and desperate. it's obvious that you like her. If that's the case, believe me she knows.

    Forget your curiosity.
     
  18. Max Leung

    Max Leung Producer

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    Like everyone else has said, let it go.

    She seems the type of girl who drops her friends like hot potatoes when she gets back into a romantic/sexual relationship. My female friends have other female "friends" like that, and they just shrug and get on with their lives.

    If she isn't like that, well, it doesn't change anything.
     

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