Can over-sensitivity be overcome?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Luc, May 20, 2002.

  1. Luc

    Luc Stunt Coordinator

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    If you're a sensitive person, then you probably don't have enemies. People like you because you care, respect their feelings and lifestyle and listen to them when they speak. You probably have no probably getting girls unless you're just weird in some other ways or just sentitive to the point that you cry a lot [​IMG]. Now, I'm not talking about being so sensitive that you cry like a baby or get really unreasonable, but to the point that you think about how other feels and you're in tune with your own feelings. Like if someone screw up their job, you don't go yell at them but instead make an effort to help them correct the problem in a nice/kind way.
    But on the flip side, most people aren't like you so they might say things or do things that hurt you. Story of my life. I get bothered by critcisms from my parents and family all my life, and from friends and coworkers occasionally. I don't forget things. That's the problem. I don't let go easily. So being a sensitive person, you go through and try to explain away why they did what they did. That method never works. Sometime, I wish I would just let go of things and be an insentive person so I'll be happier.
    Another problem: because you're trying so hard to respect people and be a gentleman, when you do get bottled up inside and your are fed it, you blow up. Boy do I blow up! It's like a Jekyll and Hyde for me.
    Now I'm not the type that don't argue and let people push me around, it's just I try very hard to have manners and treat people like how I would like to be treated. This never work.
    Has anyone ever accomplish overcoming their sensitivity? I try so hard to let arguments go, past hurt feelings to go away, and don't let minor words and things to bother me, but I just can't do it.
    Books don't help because the more you read, the more sensitive you become. Yes it's true. The more you understand feelings, the more you respect other people's feelings and create an even greater gap between yourself and others. It works wonderful for girls all my life but boy do I get hurt a lot. I guess starting this thread is wrong too sense I'm again disecting feelings. What's your thoughts?
     
  2. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Start aggressive exercise to cope with bottled up feelings. Let them flow through motion, rather than emotion. Don't dwell on negative occurences. Invest your energies into productive activities.

    Become a Jedi:

    Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

    So curb the anger, and the rest falls into place.
     
  3. Luc

    Luc Stunt Coordinator

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    Hmmm just like Patrick to jump in with such good advise.
    So I should see Attack of the Clones again and see how Anakin handles his anger right [​IMG]? Well, he was able to get Padme with his crying and display of anger. So where can I find Sand People to slaughter again?
     
  4. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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    You can still be sensitive to others (by treating them as they wish to be treated) yet not allow oneself to be the brunt of whatever it is that is causing you the anger.

    I would suggest two things that might help:

    (1) Let the minor criticisms go. No, you can't forget, but you can make a decision to not let it bother you. It doesn't matter and you can let it go. Often people say things that are hurtful but were not meant that way.

    (2) Major criticisms. This is more difficult, but I'd suggest confronting (without anger) whoever is making the criticisms and let them know how much they bother you. Be sensitive! But also be firm that you cannot allow these criticisms in your presence. If they persist, then remove yourself from what is bothering you (ie, them) because if they did care about you, they wouldn't keep making you feel terrible.
     
  5. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Remember, you can control what you do and how you react. You have to make the decision to give others power over you or not. Be strong, firm and resilient, but do not lower yourself to their juvenile level.

    With practice, you'll forget about sweating the small stuff. If you don't make it a big deal, it won't become a big deal on its own.

    "Be mindful of your feelings" (Sorry, couldn't resist one more Jedi reference).
     
  6. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    Adjusted your thread title to better reflect the content of your thread. I don't care what you think! [​IMG]
     
  7. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    I re-edited Jack's title for this thread to reflect even more truly the subject of this thread. [​IMG]
     
  8. Ricky Hustle

    Ricky Hustle Supporting Actor

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  9. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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  10. Jefferson

    Jefferson Supporting Actor

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    Here's my take...... Being a gentle and sensitive person is tough, because this world is not always fair.....you don't always get back what you put out there.........just appreciate what you do get back, and don't let the negative things build up.

    But the most miserable people I know are the insensitive ones, so I wouldn't go changing your nature entirely, which I don't think you can probably do anyway.

    I think you are luckier than the ones who don't feel, even though it is painful at times.
     
  11. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Jack, you ignorant lout! (Now that's insensitive) [​IMG]
    You're just miffed for not thinking of the complete change needed for the thread title. [​IMG]
    Luc, sometimes, it's okay to tell someone to just "shut the hell up!"
     
  12. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    Sharrup! [​IMG]
     
  13. Luc

    Luc Stunt Coordinator

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    Hey, you guys really hurt my feelings for changing my thread title twice. Now I'm going to be hurt for weeks to come [​IMG].
    OK, on the serious side about the title. So you're saying that I'm over-sensitive then. Really? What's over and what's not. I thought of myself as being sensitive not over-sensitive. Over-sensitive make me more like a whip [​IMG]. For the record, I didn't cry like that sissy Anakin.
    I used to argue back when someone say something that I felt was inappropriate, but the argument always make me feel even worst than before so I try very hard not to argue when I know it solves nothing. I used to argue with my parents quite a bit and it just make me miserable. The more I dwell on it, the more it bothers me. I know that sometimes argument can let people know that you disapprove of something but from experience, I prefer to let it go.
     
  14. Ashley Seymour

    Ashley Seymour Supporting Actor

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    Luc,

    How big of a loop do you make on your d's and t's in your cursive writing?

    Tighten them up, maybe to the point of having no loops at all. That ought to make you a less concerned with what other people think.

    You might consider giving a call to someone who does handwriting analysis and get a reading of your character. What you may consider sensitivity may be some other trait.

    Please don't consider my comments as bing flippant. Sit down with a councelor and hash out your issues and be open minded and evaluate a number of methods to deal with your concerns.
     
  15. Mitty

    Mitty Supporting Actor

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    Cognitive therapy is based on the principle that people can change their patterns of thinking, essentially by noting and dissecting their negative/self-critical thoughts and seeing how ridiculous they really are.

    Of course, it's primary use is for treating depression, but the principles of it, as I understand them, seem fairly widely applicable.

    There is a book, entitled "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns, which is apparently quite good (never read it myself, but I know a few people - and no, not wishy-washy self-help freaks - who have and think it's a great tool).

    Some of the comments in this thread ("It doesn't matter how others see you" or "don't let the negative things build up") are true, but ultimately of no help for practical purposes. They're the equivalent of telling a clinically depressed person to "buck up."

    I understand the part about reading more (making you more sensitive & widening the gap), but the truth is, like anything, changing your patterns of thinking is about doing something about it, not thinking about it; exercise, not theory. Therapy (cognitive at least) is actually a fairly meat and potatoes type of exercise. It's less introspective and self-indulgent than you probably imagine.

    Good luck, anyhow.
     
  16. Max Leung

    Max Leung Producer

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    I don't think reading could make you (or any other person) more sensitive. I know plenty of people who read frequently and they're still insensitive louts. [​IMG]
    When you say you are sensitive, do you mean shy? Empathetic? If you feel bad because of criticism, I wouldn't consider that empathy!
    I think I would have fallen under the category of "sensitive person" a number of years ago. Yet, I'm not really like that anymore. I'm much less concerned about what total strangers think of me now, ever since I got lucky on the stock market 3 years ago (well, not THAT lucky, but it sure felt good while it lasted). Probably a brain-chemistry change induced by feelings of success and achievement. Trust me, women (errr I mean people) can sense self-confidence.
    In general, successful men (in politics, riches, relationships, artistry, etc.) are less-sensitive to the criticisms of others. Why should they be self-conscious, when they have already achieved what they wanted? I'll invent an official HTF term to describe this outlook: "The George Lucas Effect".
    Think about your goals in life...how far along are you in achieving them? A sensitive person who is rudderless I think will have a tougher time of it then "normal" people.
    BTW, instead of using the term "nice guy" in a negative context, say "doormat" instead. You don't want to be the doormat that everyone walks over!
    BAD: "Women never go for the nice guys".
    BETTER: "Women never go for the doormats".
     
  17. Luc

    Luc Stunt Coordinator

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    Hmmmm.... I don't know what to say about the responses so far. I guess you all think I'm some sort of over-sensitive guy who needs professional help or something. Well, I guess the impression is if you post something like this, it must be serious.
    OK, maybe I should clear some things up. I'm not shy. I'm successful in all walks of life (my opinions of course). I consider myself likable, happily married, talented (wildlife artist as a hobby and researcher as a career);D. In fact, I have so little problems in life that I get stress over it [​IMG], if you can call it that. Now, I guess what I was hoping to hear from you guys is how you might cope with dealing with insensitive people (or not dealing with them), not too much on which hospital I need to check into for I consider myself in top of things, most of the time [​IMG]. I noticed I remember conflicts, ect from the past that my family members or others don't remember. Of course, that also include the good memories. It's like remembering more than you want to. It's like analyzing feelings too much. Know what I mean. It's like if a jerk almost got me into a car accident, I dwell on it all day thinking what a jerk he is.
    I don't think I'm over-sensitive and the reason I post is because I know everyone deal with this in life and wanted to hear what you do to let things go. I did get some good comments though, thanks.
     
  18. Julie K

    Julie K Screenwriter

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    Max,

     
  19. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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  20. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Well, if you spend extra-ordinary amount of time/thoughts dwelling on a jerk who almost got you in a car accident, then you are over-sensitive to who you perceived to be jerks. Every thought/moment you invest in dwelling over the jerkiness of a person robs you of that precious commodity: time.

    By dwelling on such acts, you give them power over you, and you actively allow that jerk to steal time from you. Don't let this happen the next time you come across a jerk. Simply LET GO OF THE ANGER and move on, and focus on something positive to do with your time.
     

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