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Diallo B

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 18, 2002
Messages
1,085
i had typed out this long post last night that went to oblivion......

i will get to that later.

but jeff,

believe me, i am not self absorbed and did gave her too much of my attention. that was probably the problem. for the past few months she has on occassion said that she does not know what she has to offer me. i always blew it off.

i was not some arrogant ego maniac that paid her no attention. if anything i was close to the opposite.

anyway, when i feel like retyping the post i will.

for those interested, i bought a chrysler 300 that i am not looking forward to gutting, but it is about to get gutted for a/v and performance mods. BUT ABSOLUTELY NO 20 INCH WHEELS AND ALL THAT CRAP!

it was supposed to go in the shop for window tint today, but my schedule didn't let me get to my appt today.
 

MarkHastings

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2003
Messages
12,013
Diallo, I think you're going to get the "ego" responses due to your initial post:I think that gives the impression that your material things are some how supposed to impress her and that (all of a sudden) she'll change her mind.

I don't think your "I've got a great life now" thinking is going to change the way she feels. It sounds like she'd feel the same way no matter what you did or owned. I'd stop beating yourself up, thinking that you're somehow going to change her by bettering yourself.
 

mylan

Screenwriter
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
1,741

Yeah, me too cause you're kinda coming off as the bad guy here. i can't figure out if you just cannot put it into the proper words or if you really have an ego issue going. The comments about looks suggest the latter though. In a real relationship, looks fade (yes, even yours) and something else entirely takes over.
 

Jeff Gatie

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2002
Messages
6,531

I can see you've never had the "I love you very much, but do you have to wear the flannel nightgown and fuzzy socks to bed every night for 6 weeks?" conversation. ;)

To Diallo,

maybe I'm wrong, Lord knows I'm the last one to ask about relationships. However, I've had vast experience in the ending of relationships and those experiences tell me statements like "don’t know if I am ready for this type of relationship" and "does not know what she has to offer me" are women-speak for "How do I dump this guy without looking like a b*tch". It's a variation on the "It's not you, it's me" excuse. Believe me, when they say "It's not you . . ."; it is 100% you. It may have nothing to do with ego or attention (too much or too little of either - Who really knows???), but trust me, someone is ringing her bell in ways that you do not, otherwise she wouldn't lose interest. Either that or I still haven't learned anything about women.
htf_images_smilies_blush.gif


Either way, you did well to get rid of her. Just be prepared to learn from friends that she actually dumped you (which she did, kinda;) ).

Edit: Whoops, Lew beat me to the "It's not you, it's me" idea. Wow, I may know something about women after all.:eek:
 

Buzz Foster

Second Unit
Joined
Jan 21, 1999
Messages
450
Real Name
Steve
"No matter how good she looks...someone, somewhere, is sick of putting up with her bullshit."

I've heard that, but then I consider Halle Berry's ex-husband.
 

Jeff Gatie

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2002
Messages
6,531
As a friend of mine said to his wife after going months and months without any, "If I'd known that after you get married you have no more sex, I'd have married one of the guys!"
 

Diallo B

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 18, 2002
Messages
1,085
Well you guys have put a couple of things in perspective for me.

This post will contain elements of the post I lost and some addl thoughts. After some self analysis and looking through some of these comments I think that I have come to realize some things I wish I had come to earlier.

Now what is important for you guys to understand is that although I have made some positive changes in my life that I was doing pretty well before. It is just that I have become better since she and I met.

Honestly, she was the catalyst to a rebirth in me. Having her in my life made me want to be better. I really don’t know why that happened that way, but her presence inspired me to make a number of positive changes in my life.

However, after what has transpired and having an opportunity to sit back and digest everything I have come to a conclusion.

I was her rebound.

When we met she was dating some guy she really didn’t care for. However, she had recently got out of a tumultuous relationship with a much older man. Without getting into too many details this former relationship had caused our relationship issues.

Although outwardly she was happy and normal on the inside she was a mess when we met. I was kind of like her knight in shining armor that in her words ‘swept her off of her feet.’ We had a very deep discussion about her issues and she told me some things that may have made some other people leave her alone. But I told her that her past was just that and that we could move forward to a bright future. She cried in my arms for a while and we moved on from there.

Besides her beauty, I was attracted to her being. And for the first 6-7 months of our relationship we were a very happy couple with no issues. We had a great sex life. We were at it every day. According to her I gave her first orgasm. Concerning other aspects of our relationship, she was at a point in her life where she needed some direction and support and I was at a point in my life where I could provide direction and support and it was working out great. We had a lot of fun hanging out and doing various activities.

I’m not sure where it went wrong, but it did and we tried to work it out for a few months. I still am unclear on what changed. But I do think that my assessment is kind of on point about the insecurity thing.

We are generally pretty honest with each other and I asked her if this was about a third party and she said no. As with anything YMMV on this comment. And honestly, I don’t think that is the case.

I sacrificed a lot when it came to her. And I was very cautious about dealing with her in the first place based on her past. But honestly, she pursued me. I know that I never would have approached her if she had not given me one of those ‘come get me looks.’ She came to me with the ‘exclusivity’ speech. She came to me with the ‘where is this going’ speech. She came to me with the ‘I want to be married by so and so’ speech. So, I was kind of along for the ride.

As I said, I am still puzzled about what happened. Her family thinks she is crazy and they don’t understand her problem either. They don’t understand why she is not ready for this type of relationship after everything that she has told them.

But I can’t continue to waste time with someone who is confused.

The whole beauty thing was kind of joke. As I stated above, her beauty kept me around longer than I should have been. But that was not the reason that I was with her. She was a good person, albeit a little selfish. And she is young.

But what it really comes down to after some in depth reflection, I was probably her rebound….
 

Jeff Gatie

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2002
Messages
6,531

Oh I have. :D I also agree that when you are in love, she looks "good" all the time. However, some times she looks better than others and when the "some times" are a distant memory and the "others" become constant, you tend to become a little jaded. ;)
 

MarkHastings

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2003
Messages
12,013
Yeah, that's the danger with finding someone really good looking - It's hard to tell when you're no longer in love because she still looks great. That's why we get trampled on by them - their beauty blinds us to our real feelings. ;)

What's that song?
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
never making a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
get an ugly woman to marry you!
 

Matt^Brown

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jan 11, 2005
Messages
626

I normally don't get in on the relationship threads but the "knight in shining armor" statement did it for me. Honestly you are probably correct about this in more ways then you can believe. Men have a natural tendency to want to fix things. I have read many articles about men getting into relationships that were really bad for them but they felt the need to be the "knight" and therefore put themselves into a situation that was not the best for them. Once the problem is fixed or better they lose their position in the relation and then no longer need the woman because they have nothing to fix or improve.
 

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