Axis of Evil Wannabees

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Micheal, Mar 13, 2003.

  1. Micheal

    Micheal Screenwriter

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    I did a search and couldn't find this posted here.
    This is just a joke and should not be turned into a political debate. (Hopefully this type of humour is allowed)

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    Axis of Evil Wannabees
    by John Cleese

    Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

    Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

    Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

    "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

    International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

    Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

    With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".

    Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

    While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Counties Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

    Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
     
  2. Chris Lockwood

    Chris Lockwood Producer

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    Sounds like Cleese. Where is this from? Does he write a column somewhere?
     
  3. Micheal

    Micheal Screenwriter

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    I just got it in an email so I can't vouch for the John Cleese authenticity.
    Does sound like him though... [​IMG]
     
  4. DaveF

    DaveF Moderator
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  5. DaveF

    DaveF Moderator
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    [dp]
     
  6. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    I would have sworn I saw that "article" on the Onion last year.

    --
    Holadem
     
  7. Rob Gardiner

    Rob Gardiner Cinematographer

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    Coming soon to a theater near you:

    FAUST
    THE BLUE ANGEL
    THE LAST MAN

    Axix of Emil Film Festival
     
  8. Thomas Newton

    Thomas Newton Screenwriter

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