So I'm at the video store and see a new movie starring Joaquin Phoenix, Claire Danes and Sean Penn. It's called It's All About Love. Some sort of futuristic suspenser. What's this I thought? Never heard of it before. Sounds suspicious. My fingers twitch - should I pick it up? I see it's rated R. Hmmm, maybe Claire gets naked? Worth a shot I guess. So Joaquin plays this Polish dude (with an on/off accent) who is enroute to Canada but stops over in New York to have his wife sign their divorce papers. Claire plays the wife, a famous also-Polish figure skater with the same accent problem. The year is 2021 and people are dropping dead of a strange heart malady. Most affected are the lonely and heart-broken. Joaquin steps over the dead body of one such victim while walking through an airport. Meanwhile there are news reports of a strange loss of gravity in Uganda. So Joaquin meets his wife only to discover that she is at the heart of some sort of conspiracy. She wants to retire. This would leave her entourage out in the cold. Since it's snowing in July and the media are theorizing the advent of a new ice age, I guess they'd literally be out in the cold as well. Anyway, they've replaced her with a clone. No, make that two clones. No, make that three. Or maybe they're just doubles? Whatever. They also plan to kill Claire and Joaquin. So a hitman (not Tonya Harding) shows up, but since his wife likes Claire, he kills the doubles (I think that's the reason). Then Joaquin, Claire and her hanger-on brother run off to Canada where they're stranded in the wilds during a blizzard. And they all freeze to death. The movie ends with a shot of a bunch of Ugandans floating in the air. Oh yeah, Sean Penn plays Joaquin's brother. He spends the entire movie in an airplane waxing about love. He also has a bad accent. Claire didn't even get naked. When does Shopgirl come out?