Attack of the Clones - Abridged Script (1 Viewer)

[Steve Christou]

Well its actually the abridged abridged script by Rod Hilton at The Editing Room.
A good laugh, def one of their better spoof scripts!
Enjoy.


Edited by Admin - Please provide a link rather than posting the entire script.

eeek! ok here's the link...

http://ter.air0day.com/index.php?scr...ackoftheclones

 

[RobertR]

 

[Chuck C]

lol


hahaha

 

[Rob Lutter]

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Uh, my, um.. I dunno. Whatever
dude, it doesn't matter, we're all
Ian McDiarmid's pawns anyway.
You're fucked, enjoy being
spidercrab food.

 

[David Ely]

NATALIE PORTMAN

Wait, since you're my decoy,
shouldn't you at least look like
me? And not be Mexican?

 

[Shayne Lebrun]

Toastyfrog's thumbnail theatre is all you need.

http://www.toastyfrog.com/jump/thumbnail_theatre.shtml

Episode 1 and 2 are up there, as well as several nifty animes.

 

[JamieD]

Very funny, though this will likely be an interesting thread. Might have been a better to not refer to one more in particular..

 

[Richard Kim]

Check out the abridged script The Editing Room has for Lord of the Rings:

IAN MCKELLEN
I am old and sage! I bring a sense
of dignity and elegance to all that
I do, and I appear to be a master
of all things intellectual.

ELIJAH WOOD
Actually, the most impressive thing
you'll do is set off a bunch of
fireworks. Then you get your ass
kicked by a better wizard, fail to
get us through a door because
you're too stupid to solve an easy
riddle, and then die.

IAN MCKELLEN
Oh. Well, at least I wasn't in
"North", you putrid piece of shit.

ELIJAH WOOD
Dammit.

 

[Steve Christou]

EWAN MCGREGOR
Hi there.

TEMUERA MORRISON
I'm just a simple man trying to
make his way in the universe.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Er, um, that's great. So who are
you?

TEMUERA MORRISON
My clone son is Boba Fett. He was
a small role in the original
trilogy and ravenous Star Wars
fanboys elevated his importance
based merely on his cool
appearance. George Lucas, utterly
sacrificing whatever vision he
claims to have for the series, has
made his role much more important
by coincidently making his father
responsible for the clone wars.
But you can take a flying leap up
my ass, Jedi scum.

 

[Steve Christou]

INT. CHRISTOPHER LEE'S HOME OR A CHURCH OR SOME SHIT

CHRISTOPHER LEE and IAN MCKELLEN walk around and chat.

IAN MCKELLEN
It's good seeing you again,
Christopher Lee. I like what
you've done with your hair, how do
you keep it so tangle-free?

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Well, Ian, I condition when
showering, brush it straight while
still in the shower, and then
condition again. The secret is in
the second conditioning.

IAN MCKELLEN
Brilliant! See, this is why you're
obviously the better wizard.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Actually, it's funny you should say
that, Ian. You see, I'm about to
beat the living snot out of you.

IAN MCKELLEN
Come again?

CHRISTOPHER brings out a small card.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
Ha! I summon Gaea's Skyfolk, a 2/2
with flying.

IAN MCKELLEN
Hmm. Okay, I'm going to cast a
counterspell, which lets me also
draw a card. Oh! A Bloodfire Kavu!
I summon him.

CHRISTOPHER LEE
You can't do that, you can't summon
until your turn, it's still my
turn.

IAN MCKELLEN
No it's not! I just did the
counterspell!

CHRISTOPHER LEE
That was an instant! God, now I
remember why I hate playing with
you! Fuck this!

CHRISTOPHER uses his WIZARD STICK to rip IAN MCKELLEN a
BRAND NEW ASSHOLE.

 

[Charles J P]

The triple x one is the best... and I havent even seen the movie.

ASIA ARGENTO
That thing is going to kill
everyone! Look at your list! Find
an extreme sport which can prevent
this!

VIN DIESEL
(reading his list
frantically)
Shit...uh.. Antarctic Tandem
Jumping...Whitewater Stunt
Archery...Alpine Mountain Racing...
Aha! Parasailing!

ASIA ARGENTO
Parasailing? That's not an extreme
sport.

VIN DIESEL
Are you kidding me? My last name
is fucking Diesel. If I say
something is an extreme sport, it's
an extreme sport!

 

[Kevin Leonard]

The Abridged Scripts is a great site; I remember stumbling upon it after looking through links for Fight Club (which also has a very funny abridged script).

My favorite is the one for Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels; it manages to explain the entire movie in one line.