Anyone else have a FEAR of DATING??? (1 Viewer)

[Jenna]

I'm definitely a category 2 kind of guy, but I'm also pretty much invisible to the opposite sex as well.

Ironically, Patrick, men who think like that are actually the men who end up with the girl long after she's left the "flashy" guy.

 

[Aurel Savin]

I suggest you have a quiet take out dinner at home (in case she cries or gets upset),

Dinner at home might be a bad idea as this had almost lead to "other" things before ... and my manly feelings sometimes get the best of me ... especially when tempted :b

I have to see how I will handle this over time, but for now, I am trying to set her up with people I know that would be compatible with her.

The dating game is hard, especially in NY where there are so many nationalities and ethnic groups ...

As far as you Jenna .. I think I know what you want and how to get it ... It is just a matter of time.

 

[MichaelG]

Jenna, I used to do the same exact thing that you do now, make excuses not to go out with people. Getting dates wasn't the problem, it was deciding to go out with someone more than once. I didn't have any bad breakup or history that made me so gunshy, I just knew what I wanted and I would cut my losses so early that I never really dated anyone. Also, I didn't want anyone to get attached to me unless I knew that I really liked them back, and if I wasn't sure on that first date then I wouldn't bother.
Now after my friends giving me a hard time about not giving anyone a chance I finally started doing that, giving girls a chance. Yes, there were a few girls that I went out with that weren't right for me (or me right for them), but I found that out after say 5-6 dates rather than one. The thing is though, you really need to go out with those people to realistically know what you do actually like, and what you can tolerate. I say that because every relationship requires a certain amount of compromise (except for my girlfriend :frowning: ). Tolerate may not be the right word, but I think you know what I mean. The point is, going on a date does not mean you are dating, go out and enjoys someones company, you may just make a real good friend if nothing else. I am very good friends with 2 girls that I originally started dating.
My 2 cents for now

 

[AllanN]

Ironically, Patrick, men who think like that are actually the men who end up with the girl long after she's left the "flashy" guy.

To bad for me all the women around my age group (23) are not at that point yet. :frowning:

 

[Patrick Sun]

Ironically, Patrick, men who think like that are actually the men who end up with the girl long after she's left the "flashy" guy.

But by then, I dock the lady points for bad decision making. Another catch-22 for moi.

 

[Brian Kleinke]

So getting a perfect score in your book Patrick is down right impossible for any women to achieve. eh?

 

[Dave_P]

Patrick,

I totally agree with you on that one. If I know too much about a women's wild past, I have a problem getting off to a good start if I'm already having negative thoughts about her.

I don't really won't to get into the possible social problems of past experiences effect on potential future partners. I just believe that certain past experiences can adversely effect a person in a manner which may not be suitable for that person.

 

[Andrew W]

but now I do not want to ruin our "friendship" ... I care about her too much as a friend ... but I don't think I see her as a girlfriend.

So if you won't sleep with your friends, who do you prefer to sleep with?

 

[Patrick Sun]

I think some people make a distinction where you have "friends" that share common interests WITH you, versus a friend/"significant other" that shares an interest IN you and you alone (and vice-versa).

It's sort of tough to have a friend for sharing intimate, physical contact (unless you're into sex as a purely physical activity, i.e. booty calls, and not as an activity to create intimacy and bonding), versus a significant other where it is appropriate to share such contact.

 

[Bruce Hedtke]

The girl gives you all the signs that she's into you, and then her boyfriend comes along. What's with that?

Think of it as the power play. She is all wrapped up in herself, she is hot, she has a man...so she is going to tease and lead other guys on just for fun. She wants to see how worked up you will get and how deflated your balloon will be when she drops the boyfreind bomb on you. It's a game.

Bruce

 

[Brad_V]

You know what would be refreshing? If someone approached you and simply said, "may I buy you a cup of coffee? ...perhaps we could sit and talk for a few minutes?" [A brief interlude that puts neither party at risk.] So much better than dreading an entire evening of "first date" questions.

I do this all the time and tell others to do it. It's nice to hear a woman say the same. All it takes is some kind of opener, be it an honest compliment or maybe a light joke, and then offer to buy her a cup of coffee.

And, of course, if a woman said it to a guy, (such as Jenna... *poke* *poke*), that'd be good, too.

 

[Brad_V]

I am 27 years old, got my shit together, attractive, treat women properly, and I can't find anyone.

Treat women properly? There's your problem right there.

Does anyone see a smiley after that sentence? ...I didn't think so.

You can treat women nice and have manners like holding doors open and things like that, but if she gives you crap, you have to call her on it. Women will do that on purpose to test the man out to see if he's "man enough" for her. It's dumb, but that's what they do.

If someone wants a woman to act more like a woman, first the guy should try acting more like a man. (I don't mean you, Dean, just sayin' in general to the masses.) Anyone who thinks they are "nice" to women, knock it off. All those stereotypical "jerks" you see who are so self-confident that it borders or surpasses cocky, all those guys who are take-charge to the point of being annoying and demanding, they behave like idiots and often treat their women lousy, yet look who is hanging on their arm and can't get enough of it.

Women love that sort of macho/jerk guy, so you have to give women what they want. But, if you can incorporate that aspect along with having manners and being polite at most times, then you're golden. When in doubt, ask yourself, "What would James Bond do?"

And never ever apologize for your desires as a man. James Bond never would, and neither should you.

 

[Max Leung]

Brad's advice is a bit on the aggressive side I think. Hmm, not sure if it would work for Jenna though!
Consider my post in this thread.
Brad, what do you mean by "be a man" and "take charge"? Is it the same in all countries and cities? What about regional and cultural differences? We don't want to get fellow HTFer's get beaten up or killed if they use the wrong tactic!

 

[Christ Reynolds]

this is the first time ive been in the after hours forum, and i just think its a little funny, i'm in the home theater forum, but i'm also reading about 'chicks and dudes', dating and the like. funny like a clown.
and yes, dating sucks, i'm a 24 year old man who dated the same girl for 6 years. from age 16-22. and ive had a couple girlfriends since then, but now i seem to become friends with the girls i meet, nothing more. which i guess it could be worse, but it still kinda sucks. if i typed all i had to say, you would be here for hours (if you made it through it all). another thing, it makes me a bit angry to see cute and nice girls go out with these dirtbags. guess i didnt notice it when i was with my gf. for now, i'm done with actively pursuing women, too many let-downs as of late. i'll just enjoy the single life for now.
CJ

 

[Dean DeMass]

My problem was I have always dated younger girls. That is where my main problem lied. Now I have realized that I need to date girls my age or a bit older. The girls who I have met that are around my age are tired of the jerk boyfriend, they wanted to be treated properly. I have lots of respect for women, but I won't let a women, or any person for that matter, walk all over me. I am a very laid back individual and a lot of women that I know love that, but the problem is is that the women I know or meet are not who I want to date or they are already taken. Like I said, my expectations have gone through the roof since my divorce. I refuse to date any girl who doesn't have a pretty good job, doesn't take care of herself, or doen't have her shit together. I did that with my ex-wife and I refuse to do that again. Granted, my ex had a good job when we divorced, but that is because I put her and me through college. She is very good at what she does and that is why she has a good job, but she doesn't have her shit together and she couldn't take care of herself, and that is why we are divorced.
Brad,
Trust me, I act like a man, but I don't see women as pieces of meat. They are people and I refuse to treat someone like dirt for a piece of ass. I could do that, but I am a better person than that. Now I have gone out with girls before where we both were just in it for the fun, but it was a mutual agreement, not me leading her on. Also, most of the girls I know or met who are on the arms of jerks, pretty much deserve those jerks. There are exceptions of course, but until they see it, there is nothing you can do about it.
The world is filled with more douchebags than good people. And I refuse to be with a douchebag.
-Dean-

 

[Dave Poehlman]

I meet some nice, cute guys, but find myself "psyching myself out" of the potential relationship prior to our first date! Then I end up cancelling the date for any number of excuses.

So thats why those girls I give my number to at the bar never call me back! All this time I thought it was just me. >whew!

 

[Jenna]

..And never ever apologize for your desires as a man. James Bond never would..

Uh, James Bond is a FICTIONAL CHARACTER as well as being every woman's fantasy because of his desires as a man (as well as his impeccable manners). So unless you were created by Ian Flemming, I suggest you disregard Brad's advice here.
Brad, do doubt your DVD collection begins and ends with Bond (and clones). As a lover of all-things-Bond myself, I would just love running into a man with Bond-like qualities, not just the "desires". Thusfar, I have yet to meet any living, breathing man that I would describe as "suave". Unfortunately. :frowning:
I'll keep on the lookout, though.

 

[Jenna]

Quote:

Dean, it's nice to hear that you have standards for yourself and refuse to change them. Respect for yourself is equally important as having respect for the one you date.

 

[Max Leung]

Ooooh! A double post! Hmm the HTF has been acting a bit flaky today...
Admin note - deleted Jenna's extra post.

I refuse to date any man...
- without a job
- without a decent car
- with a wife
- who still lives with their mothers after age 30
- with a beer-gut (I don't EVER want to see this man naked!)
- who has any face pearcings. Yuck!
- a man who is handy around the house (has to know how to fix SOMETHING!)

Cool, I don't fit any of those negative points (just landed a job after being laid off a year ago in a tough market, paid off my semi-luxury sedan a year after I bought it, unmarried, own a home, zero beergut, and virgin face). Plus I built my home theater room with mega-help from a great friend), and fixed my bathtub's leaky faucet BY MYSELF.
Am I king or what? *flexes brain*

 

[Patrick Sun]

I refuse to date smokers (just my preference).

I guess I should take me and my beer gut (though it's not due to beer consumption) out of this thread...