An alternative to nursing homes

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Chu Gai, Jan 8, 2004.

  1. Chu Gai

    Chu Gai Lead Actor

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    With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188.00 per day, there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old and feeble.

    I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and a senior discount. It comes to only $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:

    1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.

    2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.

    3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff trampling over their decrepid grandmother to help you first.

    4. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

    5. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise the cash keeps building up.

    6. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And - you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

    7. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

    8. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

    9. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and will probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool.

    What more can you ask for?

    So . . .

    When I reach the Golden age, I'll face it with a grin -- Just forward all my email to: me at Holiday_Inn!
     
  2. Mike Lenthol

    Mike Lenthol Second Unit

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    In that order? [​IMG] Bet they won't let you put a theater in either! [​IMG]
     
  3. Christ Reynolds

    Christ Reynolds Producer

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  4. DonRoeber

    DonRoeber Screenwriter

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    Don't let this get around. My brother is a security guard at a nursing home.

    Someone's gotta keep those old people under control.
     
  5. MartinTeller

    MartinTeller Screenwriter

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    The only thing missing is the medical staff. You know... the actual nursing part?

    I hate jokes based on a flawed premise.
     
  6. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Executive Producer
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    Don't mean to be totally humorless, but I tend to agree with Martin. If you're going with the Holiday Inn, why not buy an RV and travel the country if health concerns are not an issue? Or just stay in the house that you have presumably paid off and travel the world?
     
  7. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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    but don't forget your robot insurance!
     
  8. Christ Reynolds

    Christ Reynolds Producer

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    get your peace of mind in a world full of crime, and robots.

    CJ
     
  9. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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    I wasn't sure anyone else would remember that sketch [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  10. Joe Szott

    Joe Szott Screenwriter

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    My dad spent the latter years of his life as a semi-invalid, mom and I cared for him at home. Holiday Inn isn't a bad idea, but try to get a maid to clean up a soiled bed twice and you'll be back on the street [​IMG] Build yourself a good family and save the $188 altogether...
     
  11. Garrett Lundy

    Garrett Lundy Producer

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    Salt Mines... Err, I mean Medicare! They'll pick up the tab!
     

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