"Alliance Atlantis to Make ALL their Films Canadian Friendly with new format."(Spoof)

Discussion in 'DVD' started by Jason Whyte, Oct 12, 2002.

  1. Jason Whyte

    Jason Whyte Screenwriter

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    ***PRESS THIS RELEASE***
    "Alliance Atlantis to Make ALL their Films Canadian Friendly with 'Bilingual-Cinema-DVD'"
    by Thomas Jensen, moviesham.net
    First, Alliance Atlantis Video was only a simple sticker on the back of an american import DVD for Miramax and New Line Cinema DVD's. Then they started making exclusive DVD's like "Good Will Hunting" that were actually BETTER than their American counterpart. Thinking that wasn't good enough, Alliance wanted to support the french minority that insist we remind the english majority that they must have dubbed films, and therefore all Alliance product has bilingual packaging with french and english dominant titling on both sides.
    But Alliance wants more. Alliance Atlantis corp. will be going INTO films and changing content to make Canadian releases more studio friendly for Canadians. "We want to remind the consumer that the product you're watching is an Alliance Atlantis production, not an American version from Miramax or New Line Cinema."
    Bilingual-Cinema-DVD will get underway on December 24th with the re-release of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back/Jay et Bob Contre-Attaquent". Things will be getting a little bit more interesting. Not only will there be "Alliance Atlantis" only menus and dropped American logos, there is a nice added bonus for lucky Canadian consumers.
    "Every reference to Miramax films in "Jay and Silent Bob" will be reshot by director Kevin Smith to say "Alliance Atlantis", so the film makes more sense to Canadians," says Michael MacMillian, Chairman and CEO of Alliance. They were kind enough to provide us with a sample of dialogue:
    US VERSION:
    Brodie: Miramax optioned Bluntman and Chronic.
    Jay: Miramax? I thought all they made were arty films like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game"!
    Brodie: Yeah, but when they made "She's All That," everything went to hell.
    "People won't understand this reference, because they're Canadian", MacMillan continues. "So, we have refilmed the scene to say:"
    CANADIAN VERSION:
    Brodie: Alliance Atlantis optioned Bluntman and Chronic.
    Jay: Alliance Atlantis? I thought all they made were arty films like "Crash" and "Exotica"!
    Brodie: Yeah, but when they made "Men With Brooms", everything went to hell.
    Some other changes in dialogue:
    Original: "He calls himself Magnolia-fan."
    New: "He calls himself Maelstrom-fan."
    Original: "Those Miramax-motherfuckers."
    New: "Those nice but confused Alliance Atlantis people who
    make great movie product for consumers."
    Original: "Come on Silent Bob, we're going to Hollywood!"
    New: "Come on Silent Bob, we're going to Toronto!"
    Kevin Smith was not available for comment, as he is currently shooting the new footage, and "Jersey Girl," which will be retitlted "Toronto Girl" upon its release into Canada.
    Reshoots of the film in Toronto are currently underway. Erica Ehm has been casted in the part once played by Jules Asner, and Mike Bullard will play a hilarious cameo as the host of "Entertainment-Eh?", as a parody of the "E! News" segment hosted by Steve Kmetko.
    Also, in this Canadian version, you'll get to see the backlot of Alliance Atlantis, where Jay and Silent Bob will get into crazy adventures. "Remember the scene where Jay and Bob get into the set filming 'Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season?'", asks MacMillan. "Here, we're showing you a scene from "Men in Brooms 2" where Paul Gross now stars with Don McKellar and Marie-Josee Croze, re-enactacting many scenes from the first film and ending choice lines with "HERE WE GO AGAIN!" This film is really in production and will be in every Canadian movie-house next spring. So, think of it as a promtion within a movie kinda thing. People love that stuff."
    As for Bilingual packaging on their DVD's? MacMillan laughs, "Oh, people love it. A guy came up to me in a store one day pointing at the french/english spine and the french language markers, throwing his arms around, talking loudly, making all sorts of interesting comments. Course, I didn't know what he was saying because he was speaking french."
    Alliance is also going to non-letterboxing only for all of their future titles as well. "Letterboxing is so foreign to us, we don't understand it. It's an American thing", MacMillan continues. "Why do people want black bars on their TV? Does it look like a theater screen? Are you seeing more picture or something?"
    If this new format takes off, what next? "Well," MacMillan thinks, "We are going to go the next step and REALLY revolutionize Bilingual-Cinema-DVD and run both English and French audio tracks ON THE SAME AUDIO TRACK! You know, if you focus your attention closely, you can keep track of the english dialogue while the french people can get what they want too!"
    Copyright 2002 moviesham.net, no rights reserved. French version of this article available on reverse.
     
  2. Mark Palermo

    Mark Palermo Second Unit

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    I want to laugh, but that article's so close to reality it just made me sad.

    Mark
     
  3. Jeff Ulmer

    Jeff Ulmer Producer

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    I have to take issue with this post, as you are clearly misquoting Alliance Atlantis. Here is the correct sentence as spoken:
    "You know, if you focus your attention closely, you can keep track of the english dialogue while the french people can get what they want too, eh!"
     
  4. Brenton

    Brenton Screenwriter

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    [​IMG]
    Silly Canadians...
     
  5. Rob T

    Rob T Screenwriter

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    I am not buying anymore Alliance Atlantis products from now on.
    I might just have to get the US version of LOTR: FOTR EE now.
    I'd rather put money into own economy but that's just horrendous.
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  6. Jeffrey Gray

    Jeffrey Gray Second Unit

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    Rob_T: That press release is a JOKE! But the real Alliance-Atlantis is almost as bad... [​IMG]
     
  7. Jeff Ulmer

    Jeff Ulmer Producer

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    I'm just hoping that they keep their hands off the LOTR gift set. And where the hell is Heavenly Creatures? Are they having that hard a time cramming bilingual spine art on there?
     
  8. Rob T

    Rob T Screenwriter

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    oh. well with all the dumb things they'er up to these days it seemed real to me. [​IMG]
     
  9. Jason Whyte

    Jason Whyte Screenwriter

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    Wow, in a way I'm glad to hear I fooled someone with this fake article I wrote. [​IMG] I wouldn't be surprised if they took this route in the future, mind you.
    The worst I've seen them do with films is physically cut off the Miramax or New Line logo, which cuts into the film's soundtrack. I remember seeing "Four Rooms" back in 1996 with the whole Miramax logo excised, and there was dialogue in that logo.
    I'm just tired with all of the shenanigans that Alliance is doing these days, so I needed to vent this way. [​IMG]
    Jason
     
  10. Kimmo Jaskari

    Kimmo Jaskari Screenwriter

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    Its annoying for many people outside of Canada as well. I've been ordering from DVDBoxoffice for a long time because it usually works really well and the price is decent (if you factor in shipping). The trend of getting more and more frenchified covers etc makes it a lot less attractive though. Bah.
     
  11. Aaryn Chan

    Aaryn Chan Supporting Actor

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    Hey, they dubbed LOTR:EE in french. Wonder what they took out, since there's no room to fit more soundtrack.
     
  12. Ray H

    Ray H Producer

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    There may be room as the two isolated tracks are out and it's back to DD 2.0. That leaves one more track open. Or they could just ditch the 2.0
     
  13. Trevor H

    Trevor H Second Unit

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    That's pretty funny [​IMG], what's not funny is the fact that I have to go to the trouble and extra expense to get my DVD's from the US that are distributed by Alliance, Universal, and Paramount here in Canada [​IMG]
     
  14. Michael Pakula

    Michael Pakula Second Unit

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    It's been two years now since the last post on this thread. I bought the Miramax version but I would like to rent the Alliance Atlanis version now just to see the edited scene. This is one of the best articles I read in a while. I was actually looking for a thread on Jersey Girl but noticed this thread on the search function.


    -Mike
     
  15. Zachary Cohen

    Zachary Cohen Stunt Coordinator

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    It was a joke.
     
  16. Mathieu Lalonde

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    At first Alliance had the best dvd covers i've seen anywhere; they were reversible - French on one side and English on the other... that way, i guess everyone was happy.. (they even had a little sticker on top of the wrap to tell us about it!)

    But then they went and changed it to THE single most retarded invention since some advertising wizzard at McDonalds said "Hey, let's make a fajita sandwitch and call it the McCrap!"... (not exactly sure about my spelling here but you get the idea)

    They not only printed bilingual covers -- They invented the reversible bilingual cover: French+English on one side AND English+French on the other... sort of like saying "Would you prefer Double-Chocolate-Dillpickel icecream or Double-Dillpickel-Chocolate icecream?"
     
  17. Max Leung

    Max Leung Producer

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    Mathieu, that's horrendous! Ugh...to heck with AA, eh?
     
  18. Jeremy Brupaste

    Jeremy Brupaste Stunt Coordinator

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    I've actually boycotted buying DVDs off of companies like Alliance Atlantis because of their crappy business practices like bilingual eyesore covers. I've e-mailed, called and written dozens of times, and have I ever had a reply?

    Well, yes, actually. Once. I was slipped an email address of an executive at the company (since disabled or removed - the email address, I mean...) who wrote back, rather quickly, that my opinion didn't matter because I was in a minority. I wrote back saying, uh, so you DON'T listen to minority opinions? I thought that was why you adopted bilingual covers in the first place!

    No reply on that one. Made too much sense, I guess.

    Anyway, I recently tried to tally the bucks I've saved by not buying their products - and by a loose estimate I reckoned it to be about $3,000 (in just Alliance Atlantis DVDs). That's not a small chunk of change, and I'm only one person. There must be others like myself out there, right? I urge anyone else who thinks like me to let them know how much money they're missing out on. If appealing to their common sense doesn't work, appealing to their wallets might...
     
  19. David_Blackwell

    David_Blackwell Screenwriter

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    Heh heh. Funny fake article.
     

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