Advice wanted - I want to ask out my friend's sister - what should I do?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Scott_J, Mar 12, 2002.

  1. Scott_J

    Scott_J Cinematographer

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    I don't know what to do. I've met her a couple times. We don't really know each other that well, but I'm attracted to her and would like to get to know her better, possibly leading to a relationship. The thing is, as I said, she's my friend's twin sister. I'm good friends with him and have been since September when we met (we're suitemates). I don't want to ruin my friendship with him. I've never been in this type of situation before and don't how to approach it. It doesn't help that I'm not good with asking girls out to begin with. Should I just approach her directly first? Should I first talk to my friend about it and not necessarily ask his permission, but ask if he would mind if I asked her out (he is kind of "protective" - for lack of a better term - of his sister) and maybe ask him to put in a good word for me, so to speak, since I don't know her very well. Or should I just forget about it altogether and not risk our friendship at all? I don't even know if it would put our friendship at risk or not.

    If I do decide to "act on this feeling," I have to do it soon because she's graduating in May and most likely moving back home to Long Island afterward.

    Any advice would be most helpful and appreciated. Thanks.
     
  2. cafink

    cafink Producer

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    For what it's worth:

    I would ask my friend how he felt about it. As for actually asking her out, there is nothing to be nervous about or scared of. Just be straightforward and honest. A simple "Would you like to join me for dinner/coffee/a movie/whatever on such-and-such a night?" will do fine.

    Just my opinion, take from it what you wish. Best of luck to you.
     
  3. Richard Travale

    Richard Travale Producer

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    I agree with Carl. Ask your friend how he feels about it first. Then take it from there.
     
  4. MickeS

    MickeS Producer

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    Why would dating your friend's sister ruin your friendship with him? What else does she need his permission to do? [​IMG]
    But asking him to put in a good word for you sounds like a good idea, if you don't know her very well. Good luck!
    /Mike
     
  5. Shayne Lebrun

    Shayne Lebrun Screenwriter

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    Don't ask the friend's permission, because she might not like the implication, should she hear that you asked him, that she is his property.
     
  6. Scott_J

    Scott_J Cinematographer

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    Thanks for the advice, guys. Keep it coming. [​IMG]
    Micke, please re-read my original post. I did not say I HAVE to ask him, but I'm asking everyone here if I SHOULD. I have heard stories of people who have had a friendship end because they dated one of the friend's relatives. I don't want that to happen. I'm not implying that it's his decision whether or not I can ask her - because it most certainly is not.
     
  7. Danny Tse

    Danny Tse Producer

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    I was in a similar situation several months ago when I met one of my female friends' younger sister. Instant attraction on my part [​IMG]. Actually, the girl in question and I have met before when we were in college, but we were never "friends". I asked my friend about me asking out her younge sister, and the response was positive [​IMG]. We went out several times but I don't think there're any sparks between the two of us as a couple. We haven't talk in the last several months but when I e-mailed her this past Monday, she wanted to go out again. Who knows?
    I was told when dating, one should have the attitude of "No Expectations, No Disappointments". Take it for what it's worth.
    Good luck, Scott!!
     
  8. Wayne Bundrick

    Wayne Bundrick Cinematographer

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    I think you should talk to your friend first. Make sure he knows that it's not easy for you to ask girls out and so it's a difficult situation. Let him be "protective" if that's the way he is. If he knows you well then he will know if you're the kind of guy he wants his sister to date, and he could also know his sister well enough to be able to tell if you're the kind of guy that she wants to date. If you are, then he can put in the "good word" for you. If for some reason he doesn't like it: whether he is being "protective", or if he thinks it will jeopardize your friendship, or if he just thinks you're not her type, then you can drop the subject and you won't have to suffer the rejection if you were to ask her out.

    Or maybe he'll first be creeped out that you want to date his sister, then he'll laugh about it, he won't care one way or the other and it will be up to you to ask her yourself.
     
  9. Benny G

    Benny G Second Unit

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    I think the last thing you need to worry about right now is how your suitemate feels about it.

    Where are you going to be when she graduates?? Anywhere near her?? If not, would you be willing to even think of something long distance?? Of course, there are still almost a couple of months til she leaves...

    But...I'd ask the bro first. Just to see how he feels. If he's a good friend and knows that you're a good guy, I'm sure he'd be fine with it.
     
  10. Richard Travale

    Richard Travale Producer

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    I didn't mean for it to sound like you should ask his "permission". I meant that you should talk to your friend and see how he feels about a friend going out with his sister. He may really hate the idea or have no problem with it. I just think that ifyou want to keep him as a friend, see what he thinks.
     
  11. Henry Carmona

    Henry Carmona Screenwriter

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    I would NEVER date my friends sister!
    But if i just met someone in September, id call him an acquaintance not really a friend.
     
  12. Benny G

    Benny G Second Unit

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  13. JonZ

    JonZ Lead Actor

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    I always had a rule - NEVER get involved with a friends sister. If it ends badly it can affect your friendship with the friend.
     

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