100 Reasons Why Spock is Better Than Data

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Jonathan Perregaux, Jul 6, 2001.

  1. Jonathan Perregaux

    Jonathan Perregaux Screenwriter

    Oct 10, 1999
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    Real Name:
    Jonathan Perregaux
    I recently enountered a post I had made to a newsgroup many, many moons ago... January 19, 1995 to be exact. It's long, but occasionally funny. In light of the recent Enterprise announcement, I thought it would be nice to remember the original Star Trek for a moment...
    The Top 100 Reasons Why Mr. Spock Is Better Than Mr. Data
    100. Spock came first.
    99. Spock plays chess with his captain; Captain Picard wouldn't be caught
    dead playing games with Data.
    98. Spock likes to take rocket-pack joy-rides.
    97. Spock is so confident, he waits to the last possible second to transmit
    friendship lingua-code to an attacking enemy.
    96. Spock never stabbed his fellow crewmen.
    95. Spock never dressed like Friar Tuck.
    94. Spock's mom is not only human, she knows she's human.
    93. Data dresses like Sherlock Holmes; Spock is related to Sherlock Holmes.
    92. Humans are beneath him.
    91. Vulcans never bluff.
    90. Spock doesn't have an evil twin brother.
    89. Spock played his Vulcan lyre with a bunch of hippies--and retained his
    88. Spock never babbles uncontrollably like some kind of walking thesaurus.
    87. Spock's voice is a deep, resounding baritone. Data sounds like a
    Broadway dancer.
    86. Spock usurped the command of a commodore.
    85. Spock can keep Kirk in line.
    84. Spock has no wish to command_but when he does, he kicks ass.
    83. Spock never grew a skunk stripe in his hair.
    82. Spock porked Saavik--and she had full control of her faculties.
    81. Spock is willing to risk destroying the entire space-time continuum by
    knocking out some obnoxious punk on a bus in the 20th century.
    80. Spock makes a neat-looking gangster.
    79. Spock looks good in a plaid coat and winter hat.
    78. Spock can make a working communicator out of "stone knives and bear
    77. Only Spock could have a track on the Star Trek: The Motion Picture
    sound track called "Spock Walk."
    76. The 1992 Hallmark Keepsake Ornament for the Galileo shuttle-craft has
    Spock's voice in it.
    75. Spock will mind-meld with anything.
    74. Spock never fell out of his chair laughing.
    73. Spock would never permit anyone to teach him how to dance.
    72. Spock risked the death sentence to get a blonde chick for his
    paraplegic former captain.
    71. Two words: Neck pinch.
    70. Spock violated General Order Number 7--and got off.
    69. Spock would never allow the ship's computer to create an adversary so
    powerful that it crippled the ship--he's a better programmer than that.
    68. Spock would rather fry his skin off in a radiation chamber than let the
    Enterprise be destroyed.
    67. Spock can drive alien computers crazy with illogic.
    66. Spock's friends don't mind throwing away their careers for him; Data's
    friends send him down to engineering and run a level-one diagnostic.
    65. Spock has a Star Trek movie named after him.
    64. Spock decked Kirk for calling him a "pointy-eared half-breed."
    63. Spock's head is not five hundred years old.
    62. Spock talks to extinct whales.
    61. There are no neat publicity photos of Mr. Data sucking on a lollipop.
    60. Spock never risked the lives of the entire crew to rescue a piece of
    "sentient" mining equipment.
    59. Spock has an eternal soul.
    58. Data's home world was destroyed by a giant snowflake; Spock's home
    world is a leading member of the Federation.
    57. Spock's ship survived longer than Data's ship.
    56. Spock's dad can beat up Data's dad.
    55. Spock is a living legend.
    54. Spock never had to see the ship's counsellor about his problems.
    53. Spock's protégés were all really cool bitchen chicks; Data had Wesley.
    52. Spock gets off on spores.
    51. Spock crossed the Great Barrier of the galaxy, met God, and didn't even
    raise an eyebrow.
    50. No one ever referred to Spock as an "it."
    49. Spock's name can never be mispronounced.
    48. Spock once returned to duty with an excruciatingly painful parasite
    chewing on his spinal chord.
    47. There will never be a "Dr. Data's Baby Handbook."
    46. Spock had a million bumper stickers that said, "I Grok Spock."
    45. Spock single-handedly made peace with the Klingons and made a
    Romulan/Vulcan unification possible.
    44. Spock never cowered helplessly under a console.
    43. Two words: Stage presence.
    42. Dr. McCoy insulted Spock a lot but never called him "boy."
    41. Spock can play a musical instrument without having to install a
    software upgrade.
    40. Spock doesn't have a Pinocchio complex.
    39. Data may be "fully functional" but Spock's penis can feel.
    38. Spock can read people's minds.
    37. One word: Bangs.
    36. You can't say, "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" to Data.
    35. Spock makes a neat-looking Nazi.
    34. Spock has a first name--and you can't pronounce it.
    33. Spock is accompanied by groovy theme music.
    32. Spock's jokes are funny.
    31. The Enterprise nurse was in love with Spock.
    30. Spock survived having his brain removed with no permanent damage.
    29. Three words: Seven-year itch.
    28. Spock is at his coolest when he hides his human emotions--Data is at
    his goofiest when he tries to show his.
    27. Two words: Pointy ears.
    26. Two words for Data: FORMAT C:
    25. Spock looks good in a beard.
    24. Spock can raise his eyebrow.
    23. Spock says, "Fascinating." Data says, "Intriguing" because
    "fascinating" was already taken.
    22. Spock does not want to laugh.
    21. Spock has chest hair.
    20. Spock's ears are easily explained away with a "mechanical rice-picker"
    19. Two words: Fan mail.
    18. Spock once told Kirk, "One damn minute, Admiral."
    17. Spock is not artificial.
    16. Data's pet is a stupid cat--Spock's pet was a giant Sehlat with 6-inch
    15. Spock refused to marry that Vulcan bitch.
    14. Spock once mind-melded with a rock and found out it liked his ears.
    13. All the chicks love Spock.
    12. Spock never said, "I shall endeavour to function adequately, sir."
    11. Mr. Spock collectibles fetch a much higher price than Mr. Data
    ..And The Top 10 Reasons Why Mr. Spock Is Better Than Mr. Data
    10. In Star Trek V, Spock actually flew.
    9. Nobody can take Spock's arm off.
    8. Spock has been in reruns 21 years longer than Data.
    7. Spock doesn't have to worry about bugs in his operating system.
    6. Spock came back from the dead.
    5. Spock once made a phaser out of a sub-dermal implant and a bed frame.
    4. Spock refused to be in Star Trek Generations.
    3. Spock never solicited the advice of Joe Piscopo.
    2. Spock's kid would never fall apart.
    1. Spock doesn't have an off-switch.
    Written by Jonathan Perregaux
  2. Damian

    Damian Agent

    Apr 9, 2000
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    I think you forgot one (Though I may be mistaken)
    Number 101: Spock directed the surgery of the re-insertion of his own brain while Dr. McCoy was in a state of panic.

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