28 Days in the Dark: The Seattle International Film Festival Report (1 Viewer)

The largest North American film festival is taking over Seattle, so I thought I'd tip you guys off to some of the action that I catch over the next 25-ish days. I've got 11 movies booked (plus the Secret Festival), plus a couple more that I might pull the trigger on - so not a long list, but a list:


Deathgasam (New Zealand) -



What's it about: A New Zealand heavy metal band accidentally summons Satan and has to save the world. . . .


Nugget Review: Oh my god, this one is off the rails crazy. Dildo fights! Dual wielding chainsaw fights! Projectile blood vomiting, Belt sander to the face. D20 damage to the brain-pan. Heavy Metal Gods returning to earth to enslave all mankind. No boobs. Joe Bob says check it out!


WHEN MARNIE WAS HERE (Japan) -



What's it about: When shy young Anna moves to the seaside for the summer, she finds an old mansion on the seaside, and the mysterious young girl, Marnie. The two girls instantly form a friendship and as the days go by she begins to piece together the truth surrounding her strange new friend. . . .


Nugget Review: So, the first post-Miyazaki, post-Takahata Ghibli flick - how does it stand up against the masterpieces that the studio' has put out over the years? Not too bad, actually. It has the look and the feel of a Ghibli flick without coming over as a cheap Miyazaki knockoff.

First - the film is downright gorgeous. There's a couple of dubious CGI shots, but mostly the animation is fluid and sexy and lush.

The plot is more your Whispers of the Heart drama more than your superheroine fantasy like Naussica or your goofy-as-hell Cagilostro, so let that temper your enthusiasm for the flick. It's still a fine, strong story that could have easily have worked as a live action flim.

All in all, not Ghibli's best work, but still a very good entry into the pantheon.


SNOW ON THE BLADES (Japan) -



(Cant find a trailer, so here's the poster)

What's it about: During the decline of the Tokugawa shogunate, on the eve of the Meji Restoration, lord Naosuke Ii is killed by ronin from the Mito Clan. Not allowed to kill himself for his failure, bodyguard Kingo Shimura is tasked with exacting revenge in a land where samurai are fast becoming a relic of the past. . . .


Nugget Review: This is not your typical epic Samurai flick. If you go into this thinking Lady Snowblood or Lone Wolf and Cub, you'll be sadly dissappointed. This is a thoughtful and elegant drama about honor and duty, about not becoming a slave to the past. The production values look great, the acting is strong, the film looks like a million bucks and the score (by long time Ghibli composer Joe Hisaishi) is perfect.

The Old Dark House (American) -



(No trailer, so have a poster)


What's it about?

Today's movie is 1932's lost (well, lost-ish) universal horror flick by James Whale. On a dark and stormy night, three travelers find themselves lost and stranded in the (presumably) Transylvanian countryside. Seeking shelter from the torrent, they find a spooky old manor, home to the eccentric Femm family, the gaunt Horace and his god-fearing sister Rebecca, and their grotesque, mute butler, Morgan. As the storm gets worse, the family get more and more creepy. Yeah, should have kept on driving. . . .


How is it?

Hands down James Whale is one of the best horror directors Universal had. Everyone knows Frankenstein and Bride and how sexy they looked - but this was brilliant stuff. Why Old Dark House never made a bigger splash baffles me. Use of great camera angles, use of mirrors that distort the actors, great use of shadows - these are techniques that you would expect to see from modern horror flicks! And it's not a monster flick - it's a atmospheric and psychological terror flick - not what I would expect from the genre.


If there's an issue, it's that Karloff doesn't have much to do, has no lines and is buried under a hundred pounds of makeup. Even Frankenstein gave him more room to shine than here,

The Hallow (Ireland) -





What's it about?

The last forest in Ireland has just been sold to developers and Tree Doctor Adam, his wife Clare and their baby have moved to an old house on the edge of said forest to scout the area. Creepy neighbors shun them and warn them of Doom. Of course being rural Ireland, the supernatural cant be far away - and of course the Fay don't take kindly to humans bulldozing their forests. . . .


How is it?

On one level I liked this movie, but on the other I thought it was pretty terrible. On the one hand, it's a technically well done flick. The effects are great - the practical effects, animatronics, puppetry and prosthetics are some of the best I've seen in a while. The lighting, playing with shadows are creepy as hell. The pacing is good, the editing is sharp - on every technical level, this movie is great.


And then there's the script. . . .


Look, when you go into a horror movie, there's a certain suspension of disbelief. "Tina is missing and the lights have gone out! I better strip to my bra and check the basement fuse-box!" - but here, the idiot ball is so prevalent, so ubiquitous that it really pisses me off. However if you can detach yourself from your brain and just watch the spooky shit going down, the movie works pretty well.

Thank you for the link to the TV Tropes article on "The Idiot Ball." Classic. Cinema Sins "sins" almost every other movie for this. Their latest video on TAKEN 3 has an idiot ball bouncing through it so much it could be a sing-a-long.

Figures I'm on the other side of the country.

After a couple of days off, it's time for MORE MOVIES! Today's selection consist of:


The Secret Festival -




What's it about?

I cant tell you! It's a secret!


How is it?

Okay, while I cant tell you about the movie I saw (which was pretty good), I can tell you about the secret festival. So, you have a movie that you really want to include in your film festival, but for whatever legal reason (be it copyright, that the film is not yet released, that the studio has been sued by Universal or whatever), you cant actually publicly screen it or advertise it. So, you hit upon this brilliant idea of selling a 4 movie pass that you don't tell anyone about what their seeing, swear all audience members to secrecy on what they did see and invoke a cone of silence on your movie all around. And for four Sundays, I ask myself "what I am seeing?" no idea. What did I see? "I cant tell you". Sometimes it's good, sometimes its terrible - but it's always an adventure!



Messi (Spain) -




What's it about?

Legendary f'ball superstar Lionel Messi gets a biography, from his health problems as a youth to his rise as the world's greatest players for Barcelona FC.


How is it?

How interesting it is probably depends on how much you love The Beautiful Game. If you live for the World Cup, you'll probably enjoy this. If football to you means the Superbowl, probably not so much. It's really just 8 or 10 friends sitting around a table in a restaurant just shooting the shit about their world famous best pal, inter-cut with recreations and footage from some of Messi's matches. Good stuff, but a bit dry.

Satellite Girl and Milk Cow (Korean) -




What's it about?
A Korean Obeservational Satellite in orbit wants a closer look at humanity and heads for Earth. Meanwhile a broken hearted despondent singer is turned into a bovine and is chased by a giant mecha called The Incinerator. In order to save him, Merlin the Magical Roll of Toilet Paper turns the crashing satellite into a flying Robot Girl and the three set about to save the world.

How is it?
It's - well, it's goofy. Crazy shit happens and there's no real explanation for it - the movie just asks you to roll with it. Why is the sentient, magical toilet paper talking to me? Why the hell not? It's a Korean flick, but you wouldn't know it from the animation. Voice actors aside, it has a very strong Ghibli vibe - magical, whimsical, a mix of the surreal and the mundane.

That said, Korean anime is not nearly as strong as Japanese. The backgrounds look kind of shoddy, the 3D segments (like Satellite Girl in orbit) look dodgy, the pacing is flabby and the story is very generic. It's not a waste of time - the goofy, WTF-ness of the movie carry the day - but it's very forgettable.

The Invisible Boy (Italy) -




What's it about?
Like many shy teenagers, Michele is the subject of bullying at school. In an effort to evade his tormenting classmates, he often wishes he could just vanish from his Italian seaside town. During a Halloween party, Michele gets into another awkward confrontation, prompting him to wish he could become invisible. Imagine his surprise next morning when his wish comes true. . . .

How is it?

Movies with child leads are often a chore to get through - but not here. What starts out as a typical "What would you do if you were suddenly invisible" - sneak into the girl's locker room, get revenge on the school bullies, cheat on your homework - before unexpectedly turning into a full blown superhero movie. And it's actually really good!


Also, it has the most awesome batsignal ever!

Turbo Kid (Canada) -




What's it about?

Welcome to The Future - the year is 1997 and Earth has been ravaged by acid rains and is in a perpetual nuclear winter. Water is a precious resource, and hardly anyone has any, except for the sadistic overlord Zeus, who runs this wasteland with an iron fist. Into this wasteland comes The Kid and his BMX, a loner who scavenges the barren earth for artifacts from The Before Time. When The Kid meets Apple, a perpetually upbeat girl with bright turquoise hair, its not long before The Kid is launched into a headlong confrontation with Zeus and his henchmen. . . . .


How is it?

Imagine if you will, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, and BMX Bandits had a baby - Turbo Kid would be the result. Think Black Dynamite, but instead of a loving sendup of 70's blaxploitation, it was a loving sendup of 80's action movies. Come on - it's got Micheal Fucking Ironside as the bad guy! The opening Power Ballad? It's by Stan Bush. How much more eighties can you get? Good stuff!

Being Evel (USA) -




What's it about?
Everyone knows Evel Knievel! If you were a child of the seventies, you were probably transfixed with his flashy Elvis-like jumpsuit and spectacular crashes. He was a hero, he was an outlaw, he was inspiration to an entire generation - but do you really know anything about him? His human failings, his rambunctious side?

How is it?
So far the best documentary of the festival (at least until I see Electric Boogaloo in a week). It's a pretty typical talking head format that you get in these biography documentaries, but the colorful characters, the larget than life nature of Evel, the rare 8mm footage - all coming together for the Snake River climax. Yes, he was a cad, but he was a memorable and hugely influential cad - and the documentary isn't afraid to show that off, warts and all. It's getting a wider release later in the summer, so check it out!

Mr. Holmes (UK) -




What's it about?
Ian McKellen is an elderly Sherlock Holmes, retired from detective work, now living on a farm with his housekeeper and her young, inquisitive son. And yet the great, resless mind of Holmes cant quite let go of his final, unsolved case. . . .

How is it?

Dude, it's Ian McKellen - he could read the phonebook and make it good. However in this case, he really sells the idea of a older Sherlock slowly succumbing to dementia. The story is strong, the supporting cast is really good (including the kid - a notoriously weak point in most movies). Not the best Sherlock Holmes movie/show, but it's an interesting take on the character.

Chuck Norris vs Communism (Romania) -




What's it about?
1985, Communist Romania - a stronghold of fascism, cultural isolation and ideological censorship. However, just under the surface is a hotbed of dissident. Oppressed Romanians, gathering in secret to watch bootleg VHS tapes of western movies. Chuck Norris, Stallone, Van Damme, Swartenegger - thousands of Hollywood movies unspooling in secret in thousands of homes behind the Iron Curtain in a rare instance where movies can actually change the world,

How is it?
I've always been fascinated with life behind the Iron Curtain, and I love Cannon films - so this documentary is right up my alley! Told via a mix of talking heads, copious film clips and historical recreation, you get a idea of what life was like back in the eighties and how this parade of towering skyscrapers, supermarket shelves full of food and exotic sports cars could - for these deprived audiences - be as inspiring as Rambo gunning down some Vietnam troops.

Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (USA) -




What's it about?
Do you like Violence? Do you like Kung Fu? Do you like tits? Do you like Breakdancing? Then do I have the documentary for you! EB:TWUSOCF is the story of the meteoric rise and catastrophic implosion of independent filmmakers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, who from 1979 to 1992 dominated the grindhouse and drive-in movie circuit with cinematic classics like Invasion USA, The Apple, Enter the Ninja and of course Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

How is it?

I grew up on shlock. My mother would take me to the local drive in every weekend for the best in slasher flicks, exploitation movies and raunchy teen comedies. If it wasn't Roger Corman's New Line, it was the Go-Go boys' Cannon Films feeding me a steady diet of Ninjas, swearing and Nudity - so EB:TWUSOCF is a love letter to my youth. It doesn't delve too deeply into each production, but it's got loads of cast and crew from back in Cannon's hayday that are willing to speak frankly on their time at the studio. Some speak fondly of their associations with Cannon, some . . . . not so much.


​My only regrets are the people they didn't interview. Being the studio that made Chuck Norris a star, it's a pity they didn't corral him for some screen time. Also, Menahem and Yoram declined to participate (however, in true Cannon style announced their own documentary shortly after being approached for EB:TWUSOCF - managing to release theirs three months before EB). That said, if you've ever loved a Cannon Film, you'll enjoy the hell out of this documentary.

Liza the Fox Fairy (Hungary) -




What's it about?
Liza is a young nurse who works for the widowed Japanese ambassador - well, at least until her death. Now out of work, Liza can concentrate on finding the true love of her life - that is, assuming that her prospective new boyfriends stop dieing on her. And when she also begins seeing hints of an evil shape-shifting Japanese spirit known as a fox-fairy, a demon known to suck the souls of out men, she thinks perhaps it's not all bad luck. Could Liza be a fox-fairy herself?

How is it?
It's a deliciously bizzare black comedy, blended with a Japanese-Finnish pop soundtrack - frankly if I hadn't seen a heavy metal band get into a chansaw/dildo fight with Satan, this would hands down be the weirdest thing I've seen thus far. it's part supernatural drama, part light romantic comedy and part fairy tale - and somehow it works. Well worth checking out.

Experimenter (USA) -




What's it about?
You remember the opening of Ghostbusters, that "experiment" that Venkman was doing on the two students? This movie is the life story of the guy that actually did that (kind of), but without all the ghosts and hitting on the hot young co-ed: Stanley Milgram and his famous Yale “obedience experiments”, in which lab technicians administered an exchange between two strangers. One, in control of a button sending electrical shocks despite painful pleas and, the other, on the receiving end of the shocks.

How is it?
In that I wasnt planning on attending until someone handed me a ticket when they couldn't go, I love free and random movies. Sometimes you get weird little gems like this. The performances from Peter Sarsgaard and Winona Ryder are very strong, the recreation of the 60s and 70s - obviously done on a budget - are sureal, and the story (something I knew nothing about) was compelling. All in all, two hours well spent! (Now I'm thinking of reading Milgram's book). . . .

The Wolfpack -




What's it about?
It's the true story of the six Angulo brothers. Thanks to their paranoid overprotective father, they grew up in a housing project in Manhattan, isolated from the real world. Homeschooled and rarely allowed to leave the house, the boys had to learn about life through the various films they watched.

How is it?
Well, I guess it had to happen sometime - I ran into a bad movie. The documentary is too unfocused, too random in it's story, never coming together. There's interesting moments - the cops bust down the door looking for weapons, the Mother finally gets in touch with her mother 50 years on - but none of these are followed up on.

I guess I was hoping for more of a "Wow! This is the outside!" reaction, a fish out of water like Being There or something. But this, honestly this is the only thing of the festival I'd advise avoiding.

And so I just picked up my full series pass to the SIFF 2016 during their special sneak preview night and got to see some of the trailers for the upcoming flicks. It's gonna be a great month full of Russian cold war spies, plots to assassinate Hitler, transvestites, Indonesian Rambo knockoffs, Chinese Kung Fu masters, Japaneses Schoolgirl murder rampages and a Purple Rain Sing-a-long. It's gonna be AWESOME!

And so the SIFF begins yesterday and I hit the movies hard and fast. Four down, 98 to go. . . .

(Also, as a funny aside - apparently one of SIFF's sponsors this year? A Marijuana dispensary. Only in Seattle. . . . )

Slash (USA, 2016)
A High-school freshman discovers a new creative outlet when his new friend takes him down the rabbit hole of online erotic fan fiction.


Ah, the strange, bizarre world of fandom when you're a socially awquard teenager. While I didn’t get into the fan fiction aspect so much, this movie is pretty much a snapsjot of my life back in 1987. Slash was a cute, sweet, charming - and funny - tale about two teenagers trying to figure out life.

I give it four Kirk/Spocks out of five

* * * * * * * * * *

Presenting Princess Shaw (Israel, 2015)
A talented singer from a poor New Orleans neighborhood captures the attention of an Israeli music producer via youtube, turning her into an international singing sensation.


This is a story that should speak to everyone. We're all creative in one form or another - drawing and painting, music of some sort, writing - my passion is photography. We all probably have a muse that’s loud in our head, but not loud enough to be heard in the crowd. That's this movie, the story of Princess Shaw who has an amazing, world class voice but sings to empty Open Mike nights and just cant catch a break. It's heartbreaking, because I see so much of myself in her and her story.

I give it Five Youtube Hits out of Five

* * * * * * * * * *

Closet Monster (Canada, 2015)
An aspiring special-effects makeup artist, struggling with his sexuality and his fear of his macho father, turns to his pet hamster Buffy for advice.


Interestingly, Closet Monster is the flip side, thematicly, of Slash - two sides of the same coin. It's not bad, engaging enough to keep your attention, and it's unpredictable - you cant ever quite see where they're going with the story.

I give it Two Hampster Dances out of Five

* * * * * * * * * *

Carnage Park (USA, 2016)
An unhinged sniper terrorizes a bank-robbing duo and their hostage after they stumble into his desert killing fields.


Imagine if The Hills Have Eyes had a love child with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and that's be Carnage Park. Intense, gritty, and violent as fuck, it's a very solid modern take on your Grindhouse/exploitation flicks of the seventies and eighties - although it ran a little bit long at the end. Great Halloween viewing!

I give it four Exploded Heads out of five.

Kedi (Turkey, 2016)
A documentary about the cats that have had free rein over the streets and homes of Istanbul for thousands of years, where the people revere them as spiritual creatures that bring joy and purpose.


Basically Internet: the Movie. All those cute cat videos? Put them in Istanbul, and give them a story, like the Fisherman caring for the newborn kittens, the Cat that rules her street with an iron paw, the Ladies Man who travels to visit all his kitty girlfriends, or the fussy cat who only eats smoked turkey from the deli. Heartwarming, adorable, uplifting and gorgeously shot in exotic Istanbul.

Also, when did Simon's Cat become a full blown cartoon. The short that proceeded the movie was pretty elaborate compared to the flash animations from 4 years ago.
I give Kedi Four Grumpy Cats out of Five


The Last King (Norway, 2015)
Two members of a Viking clan raise swords and arrows to protect the infant heir to the throne in the vast snowy wilderness of 11th-century Norway


Imagine if you took all the skiing sequences from all the James Bond movies and then made 007 a Viking. That's this movie - badassed Vikings doing badassed things set against the amazing Norway landscape. The plot, such as it is, requires some background in Viking culture - there's a lot of betrail and clans doing stuff at the beginning, but once you settle into the rtythim of Christian Church Vikings = Bad, non-church Vikings = protect the baby, save the kingdom, the movie makes more sense.
I give it five Slow Motion Horses Running out of five

The IF Project (USA, 2016)
A Seattle police officer creates a unique writing program along with a group of inmates at a maximum-security women's prison, challenging them to answer a simple question with a difficult answer: What if things had been different?


As far as a documentary it wasn’t bad, and the content was interesting enough - and it's heart was certainly in the right place. It just didn’t do much for me. Wasn’t bad, wasn’t good, just kinda "Meh"
I give it two White Momma/Black Mommas out of five.

Miles (USA, 2016)
High-school senior Miles Walton causes an uproar in his small Illinois town when he discovers an unusual college scholarship opportunity through a loophole that allows him to join the girls' volleyball team.

Miles was a cute little movie about teenager bucking the system - funny, dramatic in places, pretty well acted. Interestingly it's a movie with a gay character - but it's not about being gay, that it was just a character trait, not a focal point of the movie. Ooooh - progressive! And it was kind of cool that it was the world premiere and that the most of the cast and crew were in attendance.
I give it three volleyballs out of five

The Blackcoat’s Daughter (USA, 2015)
Sally Draper fights a demonic horror at an all-girls prep school.

The movie is technically really well done - great lighting, creepy as hell direction, Kiernan Shipka is a fantastic actress, and its very effective as a horror movie. The problem is? It moves slooooooooow as hell. Ah well.
I give it two mad men out of five.

Glen or Glenda (USA, 1953)
Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu lay the MST3K smackdown on Ed Wood's confusingly told but heartfelt tale of a young transvestite struggling to find acceptance.

Glenn or Glenda is Ed Wood's best movie (best being subjective, of course), TV's Frank and Doctor Forrister were always aces on MST3K. So a live Riffing by the pair? Winner winner chicken dinner!
I give it Five Invention Exchanges out of Five

The Secret Festival #1
What is it? I am contractually obligated to not tell what I saw! But it was a genre I normally wouldn’t seek out, it was lavish and well done - even if it wasn’t my cup of tea.
I give it Two ???'s out of Five

How Most Things Work (Argentina, 2015)
When her father passes away, sheltered Celina takes over his job as a traveling encyclopedia salesperson, training with a veteran saleswoman and setting out on her first road trip in order to earn enough money to travel to Italy and find her mother.


Blech. Boring. Poorly developed characters that were annoying and did nothing. It needed to embrace the weirdness that was just lurking at the edges of the story or tighten things down. It needed to go somewhere instead of just pointlessly wandering. First real dud of the festival
I give it zero Crosby and Hopes out of five

Radio Dreams (Iran, 2016)
Kabul Dreams, first rock band, Kabul Dreams, hopes to jam with the legendary Metallica.


Imagine, if you will WKRP made sweet, sweet love with Spinal Tap while Waiting for Godot watched. This movie would be the result of that forbidden love. It could use some tightening up in places, but the absurdest humor carries the day. Oh, and Kabul Dreams really rocks.
I give it three exploding drummers out of five

The Olive Tree (Spain, 2016)
Booo! Digital sucks. The show was delayed because they couldn't unzip the file for projection! And so after 45 minutes of waiting, I decided to abandon the showing and head home.