McCrutchy
Second Unit
My father is only 59 years old. He isn't an old man, chronologically, but I'm starting to think he has given in to "being old".
A little background: I was born with Cerebral Palsy. I was very lucky that none of my mental functions were or are impaired (though some would say I am crazy...) but I was my father's first and only child.
My mother had a bad fall when I was eight years old, and her injuries were misdiagnosed. She became very ill, and died after a protracted illness when I was eleven.
My father remarried, but my stepmother died suddenly in her sleep a few years ago. That was a day after he went in for a second, corrective spinal surgery, that left him with nerve damage. The condition has a fancy name, something to do with the myelin sheaths of the nerves, but I can never remember properly. He can walk, but often needs a cane, and he may have flashes of severe pain, which he is trying to hide from me. He was let go from his job after several months, because his recovery exceeded the maximum sick leave allowed, but he had already resolved not to go back to work.
Since that time, I have watched my father, who was fun, jovial and relaxed, turn into a very different person. He now lives with me, but I fear I am getting to the breaking point with him. It seems now, that "the little things" in life really irk him, and that, in turn, is starting not only to annoy, but also to really depress me.
Not one day goes by where something trivial does not frustrate him, often accompanied by muttering "Jesus" or "shit" under his breath. For example, he is now always on a laptop, even when I am in the room, preferring to zone out unless we are watching something he is interested in. Dad worked in IT for years, but never learned to type properly, so he is always going "tap...tap...tap" and then going "taptaptaptaptaptap" in frustration when he mis-types something.
I have also noticed that he now panics about the weather. He constantly wants to know the forecast, and acts as if the information is as important as State Secrets. Bad weather is usually accompanied by complaining and/or ominous sounding tidbits like "Oh my God..." If conditions are too icy or snowy, he traps himself in the house, not even attempting to go out.
When he is home, he sits upright in a reclining chair (which has now become his own) and barely moves, except to get food, or go to the bathroom. He often falls asleep in the chair for periods. The only other place in the house he spends any time in is his bedroom. He can still drive, and often does so for appointments or to get drive-thru food, but he is loathe to go out anywhere or do much of anything. My dad and I are both a bit shy and introverted, but now he won't go to a movie, nor will he go out to eat anywhere, and if we ever do, it's only because I suggest it and ask him to take me out.
The worst part though, is that my father, who is very passive-aggressive, has developed a new habit of judging and criticizing my actions. For instance, what prompted me to start this thread is: Today I came home with some Blu-rays from Best Buy. I left the packaging for a couple of movies on a countertop in my house, while I took the discs into my office to look at them with my BD drive. My dad came home, and after a while, I heard him moving into the kitchen to make himself food. On the way, he saw the countertop, and after saying "Jesus" loudly under his breath, I heard the packaging crumpling up, and it was only because I raced over and confronted him that I was able to salvage it. I could tell he figured that I had made a mess (in my own house) and that he needed to clean it up.
I don't know if it just sounds like I'm complaining, and certainly I am, a bit, but I never anticipated dealing with an aging parent so early. It really seems to me like what my dad has gone through has turned him into a potterng, slightly irritating old man, years before his time. I have been through many surgeries for my CP, and my own life is a constant battle to maintain mobility, so I have tried very hard to empathize and help him (along with his doctors and counselors) as best as I can, But lately, I often find I am doing anything to stay away from him as much as possible.
I guess I just miss my dad.
A little background: I was born with Cerebral Palsy. I was very lucky that none of my mental functions were or are impaired (though some would say I am crazy...) but I was my father's first and only child.
My mother had a bad fall when I was eight years old, and her injuries were misdiagnosed. She became very ill, and died after a protracted illness when I was eleven.
My father remarried, but my stepmother died suddenly in her sleep a few years ago. That was a day after he went in for a second, corrective spinal surgery, that left him with nerve damage. The condition has a fancy name, something to do with the myelin sheaths of the nerves, but I can never remember properly. He can walk, but often needs a cane, and he may have flashes of severe pain, which he is trying to hide from me. He was let go from his job after several months, because his recovery exceeded the maximum sick leave allowed, but he had already resolved not to go back to work.
Since that time, I have watched my father, who was fun, jovial and relaxed, turn into a very different person. He now lives with me, but I fear I am getting to the breaking point with him. It seems now, that "the little things" in life really irk him, and that, in turn, is starting not only to annoy, but also to really depress me.
Not one day goes by where something trivial does not frustrate him, often accompanied by muttering "Jesus" or "shit" under his breath. For example, he is now always on a laptop, even when I am in the room, preferring to zone out unless we are watching something he is interested in. Dad worked in IT for years, but never learned to type properly, so he is always going "tap...tap...tap" and then going "taptaptaptaptaptap" in frustration when he mis-types something.
I have also noticed that he now panics about the weather. He constantly wants to know the forecast, and acts as if the information is as important as State Secrets. Bad weather is usually accompanied by complaining and/or ominous sounding tidbits like "Oh my God..." If conditions are too icy or snowy, he traps himself in the house, not even attempting to go out.
When he is home, he sits upright in a reclining chair (which has now become his own) and barely moves, except to get food, or go to the bathroom. He often falls asleep in the chair for periods. The only other place in the house he spends any time in is his bedroom. He can still drive, and often does so for appointments or to get drive-thru food, but he is loathe to go out anywhere or do much of anything. My dad and I are both a bit shy and introverted, but now he won't go to a movie, nor will he go out to eat anywhere, and if we ever do, it's only because I suggest it and ask him to take me out.
The worst part though, is that my father, who is very passive-aggressive, has developed a new habit of judging and criticizing my actions. For instance, what prompted me to start this thread is: Today I came home with some Blu-rays from Best Buy. I left the packaging for a couple of movies on a countertop in my house, while I took the discs into my office to look at them with my BD drive. My dad came home, and after a while, I heard him moving into the kitchen to make himself food. On the way, he saw the countertop, and after saying "Jesus" loudly under his breath, I heard the packaging crumpling up, and it was only because I raced over and confronted him that I was able to salvage it. I could tell he figured that I had made a mess (in my own house) and that he needed to clean it up.
I don't know if it just sounds like I'm complaining, and certainly I am, a bit, but I never anticipated dealing with an aging parent so early. It really seems to me like what my dad has gone through has turned him into a potterng, slightly irritating old man, years before his time. I have been through many surgeries for my CP, and my own life is a constant battle to maintain mobility, so I have tried very hard to empathize and help him (along with his doctors and counselors) as best as I can, But lately, I often find I am doing anything to stay away from him as much as possible.
I guess I just miss my dad.
