Jump to content



Sign up for a free account!

Signing up for an account is fast and free. As a member you can join in the conversation, enter contests to win things like this Logitech Harmony Ultimate Remote and you won't get the popup ads that guests get. Click here to create your free account.

Photo
- - - - -

Happy Independance Day


  • You cannot start a new topic
  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 of 15 Adam Gregorich

Adam Gregorich

    Executive Producer

  • 14,600 posts
  • Join Date: Nov 20 1999
  • LocationThe Other Washington

Posted July 04 2014 - 07:32 AM

A Happy Independence Day from HTF owners and staff.  Hope you have a safe and relaxing fourth of July weekend!


  • Aaron Silverman likes this

#2 of 15 DaveF

DaveF

    Moderator

  • 13,174 posts
  • Join Date: Mar 04 2001
  • Real Name:David Fischer
  • LocationOne Loudoun, Ashburn, VA

Posted July 04 2014 - 08:12 AM

Happy 4th!

 

We've got a 16 yo niece visiting the past week. We've run out of things to do...so we're heading to Norfolk, VA area and hope to do a dolphin-watch boat trip tomorrow, if the residual hurricane winds permit.


  • Adam Gregorich likes this

#3 of 15 andrew markworthy

andrew markworthy

    Producer

  • 4,766 posts
  • Join Date: Sep 30 1999

Posted July 04 2014 - 11:03 AM

In the spirit of the day, and just to show we Brits don't hold grudges, here's a blast from the past:

 

 

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices  (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

16. Last but not the least, and for heaven's sake.....it's Nuclear as in "clear" NOT Nucular. Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

 


  • Adam Gregorich likes this

#4 of 15 Stan

Stan

    Screenwriter

  • 2,025 posts
  • Join Date: May 18 1999

Posted July 04 2014 - 12:19 PM

That was f**king hilarious, especially statement #12.

 

I'm apparently genetically British, please take me back.

As for #16, most US citizens, except for the Bush family, know how to pronounce nuclear :)

 

We sadly have way to many "Duck Dynasty" hillbillies and "Honey Boo Boo" overweight slackers, but maybe we can round them all up and shoot them before we give up our guns to the superior British people.

 

(Fine Print - I do not own a gun, would never shoot a person if I did, just a joke)

 


Stan

#5 of 15 Dennis Nicholls

Dennis Nicholls

    Lead Actor

  • 7,615 posts
  • Join Date: Oct 05 1998
  • Real Name:Dennis
  • LocationBoise, ID

Posted July 04 2014 - 01:51 PM

British history may make even less sense than US history.  Parliament executed Charles I, then later had a second revolution and brought back Charles II and made him King.  But they didn't like his successor, James II, so they ran him out of the country and brought in a Dutchman as King.  The Dutchman's sterility made the Brits sometime later bring in some distant relative German.  So much for the idea that a monarchy affords political stability.


Feline videophiles Condoleezza and Dukie.


#6 of 15 Neil Middlemiss

Neil Middlemiss

    Screenwriter

  • 2,534 posts
  • Join Date: Nov 15 2001

Posted July 04 2014 - 03:59 PM

*
POPULAR

I was born and raised in England, have lived in the US for the last 20 years and became a US citizen in 2008 (I hold dual citizenship) and becoming a US citizen was one of the proudest days of my life. I now have two incredible countries to call home.

Happy 4th, everyone!
  • Adam Gregorich, Dheiner and TravisR like this
"Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science" – Edwin Hubble
My DVD Collection

#7 of 15 Dennis Nicholls

Dennis Nicholls

    Lead Actor

  • 7,615 posts
  • Join Date: Oct 05 1998
  • Real Name:Dennis
  • LocationBoise, ID

Posted July 04 2014 - 04:03 PM

Neil,

 

My grandmother's family was the Dahmer Drews, who are related to the Spencer Churchills since 1066.  Not only is Winston a cousin but so is the late Princess Diana. 

 

Daniel Hannan's article today says it quite well.

 

http://www.nationalr...s-daniel-hannan

 

 

The men who raised that standard believed that they were fighting for their freedoms as Britons — freedoms that had been trampled by a Hanoverian king and his hirelings. When they called themselves Patriots — a word that had been common currency among Whigs on both sides of the Atlantic long before anyone dreamed of a separation — they meant that they were British patriots, cherishing the peculiar liberties that had come down to them since Magna Carta: jury trials, free contract, property rights, habeas corpus, parliamentary representation, liberty of conscience, and the common law.

 


  • Dheiner likes this
Feline videophiles Condoleezza and Dukie.


#8 of 15 DaveF

DaveF

    Moderator

  • 13,174 posts
  • Join Date: Mar 04 2001
  • Real Name:David Fischer
  • LocationOne Loudoun, Ashburn, VA

Posted July 04 2014 - 05:23 PM



#9 of 15 Neil Middlemiss

Neil Middlemiss

    Screenwriter

  • 2,534 posts
  • Join Date: Nov 15 2001

Posted July 04 2014 - 05:33 PM

Neil,

My grandmother's family was the Dahmer Drews, who are related to the Spencer Churchills since 1066. Not only is Winston a cousin but so is the late Princess Diana.

Daniel Hannan's article today says it quite well.

http://www.nationalr...s-daniel-hannan


And with that, I feel like this day is more mine then US born folks :)

Thanks for sharing!
"Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science" – Edwin Hubble
My DVD Collection

#10 of 15 Neil Middlemiss

Neil Middlemiss

    Screenwriter

  • 2,534 posts
  • Join Date: Nov 15 2001

Posted July 04 2014 - 05:33 PM


That was golden!
  • DaveF likes this
"Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science" – Edwin Hubble
My DVD Collection

#11 of 15 Dennis Nicholls

Dennis Nicholls

    Lead Actor

  • 7,615 posts
  • Join Date: Oct 05 1998
  • Real Name:Dennis
  • LocationBoise, ID

Posted July 04 2014 - 05:46 PM

*
POPULAR

In the classic film The Right Stuff, the Wernher von Braun character says about the future of NASA vis a vis the Russians:  "our Germans are better than their Germans".

 

In regards 1776, we could say "our Brits are better than their Brits".


  • Stan, DaveF and Neil Middlemiss like this
Feline videophiles Condoleezza and Dukie.


#12 of 15 Dr Griffin

Dr Griffin

    Second Unit

  • 320 posts
  • Join Date: May 30 2012
  • Real Name:Stanley

Posted July 04 2014 - 07:10 PM

I studied The Revolution extensively in my youth, and today of all days I just cannot take the Brits, that goddamned accent really makes my blood boil. You burned our White House f'christsakes! You've referred to my hometown as a nest of pirates, you condescending arseholes. I AM KIDDING OF COURSE! We're family, we love each other, so we had a bit of a spat. You got upset when we wanted to move out on our own, it happens all the time. You felt abandoned, we were cocky. Now look how good things are. One thing we did miss was good beer. The crap we were forced to drink for decades was shameful. I didn't know beer could taste good until I got a job, saved a little extra money and discovered Samuel Smith's Tadcaster Brewery. I thought: so that's what it's supposed to taste like. Let's forget that stupid fight, I can't even remember what it was all about, so lets raise a glass and salute each other, but mine will be filled with a nice English pale ale at about 55 degrees. Cheers.


  • Adam Gregorich likes this

#13 of 15 andrew markworthy

andrew markworthy

    Producer

  • 4,766 posts
  • Join Date: Sep 30 1999

Posted July 06 2014 - 07:06 AM

British history may make even less sense than US history.  Parliament executed Charles I, then later had a second revolution and brought back Charles II and made him King.  But they didn't like his successor, James II, so they ran him out of the country and brought in a Dutchman as King.  The Dutchman's sterility made the Brits sometime later bring in some distant relative German.  So much for the idea that a monarchy affords political stability.

 

 

I don't think a monarchy necessarily does give stability. It's how the monarchy operates in a democratic country as a figurehead that is an *expression* of stability. Just the same goes for a presidency. And both systems have their merits and faults, but overall they work perfectly well. So vive la difference!



#14 of 15 Dennis Nicholls

Dennis Nicholls

    Lead Actor

  • 7,615 posts
  • Join Date: Oct 05 1998
  • Real Name:Dennis
  • LocationBoise, ID

Posted July 06 2014 - 08:10 AM

Perhaps Winston said it best, as he often did:

 

 

A prime objective of the Constitution was to be conservative; it was to guard the principles and machinery of State from capricious and ill-considered alteration.  In its fundamental doctrine the American people acquired an institution which was to command the same respect and loyalty as in England are given to Parliament and Crown.

 


Feline videophiles Condoleezza and Dukie.


#15 of 15 Stan

Stan

    Screenwriter

  • 2,025 posts
  • Join Date: May 18 1999

Posted July 06 2014 - 09:28 AM

Perhaps Winston did say it best, by the time he got through pontificating, everybody had fallen asleep, nobody left to complain.

 

A prime objective of the Constitution was to be conservative; it was to guard the principles and machinery of State from capricious and ill-considered alteration.  In its fundamental doctrine the American people acquired an institution which was to command the same respect and loyalty as in England are given to Parliament and Crown.

 

Snoozeville :)

 


Stan




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users