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Hey, Help Desk!


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3 replies to this topic

#1 of 4 OFFLINE   Joseph DeMartino

Joseph DeMartino

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Posted July 13 2010 - 01:56 AM

The following are excerpts from actual Information Technology (IT) Help Desk requests submitted by users at a state agency somewhere in the U.S.  The names and certain other details have been changed to protect the guilty.

 

The replies are not actual.  They are what the techs wish the COULD have said.  ;-)


Computer is operating extemeley slow. Response time is bad. I de-gragged this computer about 2 months ago and it still continues to be upsettingly slow.


[And there’s nothing worse than a badly gragged, extemeley slow computer]


I HAVE BEEN LOCKED OF RECORDS SYSTEM DUE TO ACCESSIVE ATTEMPTS.


[User has coined a new word, “Accessive”, to describe excessive attempts to access a system, and should be commended for her creativity.  Then unlock her from the system.]


Suite 118-A is the area where Mark Daniels and Catherine Jones are stored.


[Do you keep them in suspended animation when they aren’t needed?]


My mouse is working slow. It is dirty.  Send John to clean it.


[Perhaps you would like him to come in there and wash your d*ck for you, you little sh*t. (* Bonus points for identifying the movie.)]


IM LOCKED NEED TO BE RE-SUBMIT. THANK YOU..


[I’ve days like that, too.]


Labels printer for four (2) people


[Will send two (1) techs to deal with issues.]


room number1770 printer is not working.also mouse is not broken.


[Send tech to fix printer and break mouse.]


John my printer has done the same thing if you have an ink cartlidge please bring it.


[If John has ink cartlidge I seriously doubt he’s going to be able to walk as far as the printer.]


The west building needs to have a new HP P2035 printer replaced with broken one.


[Is this a government operation, or what?]


when trying To create a new message i get an error screen regarding the inner face


[We usually get errors regarding our outer face.]


Please add encrymption to my email account


[Will try, but that sounds painful]


The a/c unit in the lobby is linking (the one by the front door.)


[The IT department doesn’t usually work on a/c units, but if this one is linking, I suppose we can try disabling its network card.]


Block from phone messares, please help

 

[We can't do anything if you're still a block away from the phone messares. Call us when you're closer.]

 

Hi, My mouse ball holder is missing.

 

[Your work order says  "fix mouse."  What did you expect?]


i WOULD LIKE TO MOVE COMPUTER FORM WINDOW 3 TO WINDOW 4 AND PRINTER TOO PIRTINER IN WINDOW 4 DOSE NOT WORK RIGHT... MISFEEDS CHECKS TO MANY VOIDS....


[I believe this message is intended for Mr. Lovecraft.  Please forward it to him.]


Cheryl Johnson has been assessed by John and found to have inadequate memory.


[This is IT.  Dementia screening is down the hall.]


Please remove the 2 deck top and 1 printer from 11 North  Street in room # 14 and bring it to 800 Main St 1st floor.


[If we remove the 2 deck top from 11 North Street , won’t the rain get in?]


I was told that I need to have inscription in my computer installed in order to receive certain e-mail.


[Carving words into your PC’s case is against agency policy.]


All department personnel to be print in one location, Room#86 - Mary Johnson office.


[But to be cursive in another location, Room #85 - John Smith office.]


My copmuter has a pushed in pannel and also the disk tray opens up randomly. I am concerned that the cleaing crew might be bumping into unit and it maight be damaged


[And yet you say nothing about the obviously broken keyboard.]



#2 of 4 OFFLINE   Cees Alons

Cees Alons

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Posted July 13 2010 - 11:41 AM

/img/vbsmilies/htf/smile.gif




Cees



#3 of 4 OFFLINE   Michael Reuben

Michael Reuben

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Posted July 14 2010 - 02:07 AM


 Bonus points for identifying the movie.



 Arthur (spoken by Hobson).

 What do I win?


COMPLETE list of my disc reviews.       HTF Rules / 200920102011 Film Lists

#4 of 4 OFFLINE   Joseph DeMartino

Joseph DeMartino

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Posted July 14 2010 - 02:41 AM

A genuine, hand-carved, gold-embossed "No Prize", of course.  /img/vbsmilies/htf/laugh.gif


Excelsior!


Joe