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The eternal Family Guy Quotes thread

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#1 of 139 OFFLINE   NickSo



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Posted December 07 2001 - 11:57 PM

Okay, i kow they've onlybeen on for what, 2, 3 seasons?

But still, i think there are some hilarious memorable quotes in every episode... at least a dozen (I counted once how many times i LOLed during an episode)...

So ill start...

Quagmire (sees cheerleader tied up in bathroom stall) - Dear Diary... JACKPOT!

Peter - Knicks Suck Yankees Suck Jets Suck... Krypton Sucks

Posted Image i could go on, but lets get some other people posting too

#2 of 139 OFFLINE   David-S


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Posted December 08 2001 - 07:41 AM

The reason i decided to keep watching the show: In the first episode, at the end: "Oh no!" "Oh no!" "Oh no!" "OH YEAH!"

#3 of 139 OFFLINE   Mike Broadman

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Posted December 08 2001 - 08:17 AM

Peter thinking: "Don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin' your wife" Out loud: "Doin' your... son?"

#4 of 139 OFFLINE   Rob Speicher

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Posted December 08 2001 - 11:19 AM

A flashback to Peter at a little girl's lemonade stand, trying to pay her with a credit card. Girl: But mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card. Peter: Oh I see. Cash only, eh? Eh? No paper trail, eh? What are you selling? Reefer? Crack? Smack? Horse? X? Shrooms? Dust? Meth? In my neighborhood? I don't think so! And he proceeds to destroy her stand.

#5 of 139 OFFLINE   Jim Spencer

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Posted December 08 2001 - 05:26 PM

Peter talking to a mob boss that he owes a favor to: Peter: Do you want me to whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack-Off a guy? Classic.

#6 of 139 OFFLINE   Stacy Huff

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Posted December 09 2001 - 12:26 PM

"It appears my wee wee has been stricken with rigor mortis." -- Stewie In the opening sequence, they sing the part that says, "All the things that make us..." and then Stewie says, "Laugh and cry!" I always thought it sounded like he said, "Effin' cry." So I taped an episode and put on the closed captioning. Whaddaya know! The closed captioning actually said, "Effin'." Since then I've used closed captioning at other times, and it always says "Laugh and cry." I guess somebody maybe got called on using "effin'."
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#7 of 139 OFFLINE   Chuck C

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Posted December 09 2001 - 08:05 PM

"The world's gonna end at midnight!" Peter: "Noooooooooooooooo (goes over to rabbit) trix are for kids silly!"

#8 of 139 OFFLINE   TedE


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Posted December 10 2001 - 07:40 AM

From a couple weeks ago when they were moved down south: Stewie: "Mommy, I want a mullet!"

#9 of 139 OFFLINE   Tom Rhea

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Posted December 10 2001 - 01:44 PM

Stewie on Lois: It's not that I want to "kill" her. It's just that I don't want her to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this bothersome and then I think, my god, wouldn't it be MARVELOUS if I turned out to be homosexual?
Tom Rhea

#10 of 139 OFFLINE   Jason St Louis

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Posted December 10 2001 - 03:46 PM

Fellas let me have my two cents worth, Family Guy next to the "Simpsons" and "Malcolm in the middle" are shows i watch alot of! Quote from season 3: Peter :Lois i did what you said, first i tried art school(we see Peter in art school taking to a student) Peter: Do..i..do i draw the penis? Peter :Then i tried sculpture (Peter taking to another art student)Peter Do i..do i sculp the penis? Peter: then i tried music? (We see Peter as a music conductor, Peter turns to a fellow student) Peter: Do i.. do i conduct with my penis? Another quote from season 3 episodes: Meg says she will do anything to win, Brian replys Brian: your not the first one to try that! (we then see the mob boss taking to someone? Mob boss: Who are you, to wish i kill someone i havn't met? Why should i kill this "Count chocular" Captain Crunch in a "Red" not blue suit says: Captain Crunch: "Because that Son of a bitch has been speading lies about me?" "My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth?" "With a little bit of respect!"

#11 of 139 OFFLINE   Jason St Louis

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Posted December 10 2001 - 04:07 PM

Another quote from Family Guy, (Stewie sitting down having breakfast in a posh mansion)

Stewie: You bring me the "Wallstreet journal" he then turns to face two more butlers

Stewie:You two fight to the death!(We hear music from original Star Trek as the two butlers beat the crap out of each other)

After Peter's fathers leaves them and goes with the Pope, the family relaxes at home untill Peter's mother comes home at the door?

Brian: Oh no it mom?

Peter: O.k. everyone into the pod! (family rushes into a escape pod a blast's off!)

(In the pilot, Peter talking to his devil)

Peter: hey where's the other guy? (We see his angel in heavy traffic)

Peter's angel: Come on hurry up ya bastard, i'm going to be late!!!

Posted Image

#12 of 139 OFFLINE   David-S


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Posted December 10 2001 - 04:38 PM

meg, in the episode where the handicapped neighbor moves in, where she's hitting on his son:

"I can't taste salt" Posted Image

#13 of 139 OFFLINE   Don Black

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Posted December 10 2001 - 05:00 PM

I, for the life of me, can't figure out why this show hasn't been a hit. The only reason that explains it is its time slot. Give it Futurama's time slot and then we'll see what it can do... This show is unbelievably well written.

#14 of 139 OFFLINE   Nigel McN

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Posted December 11 2001 - 02:30 AM

the line certainly was 'effing cry' I watched the series closely for the first and second seasons, but only recently caught up with the third (and now) the fourth and instantly noticed the stewies changed line

#15 of 139 OFFLINE   Jim DiJoseph

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Posted December 11 2001 - 09:57 AM

This show is an instant classic. Any word on the DVD? (I know, I'm early.) Anyway, from the first season and the following scene, I was hooked: Family is watching what seems to be Wheel of Fortune. On the board, the puzzle reads: GO _UCK YOURSEL It's obvious that Peter knows the answer, and when the solution is revealed: GO TUCK YOURSELF IN Peter says, "Jeez, that one was as easy as 'MY HAIRY AUNT'!" I lost it!!!
Remember...no matter where you go, there you are.

#16 of 139 OFFLINE   Ralph Summa

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Posted December 11 2001 - 10:58 AM

Thank you Jim! I couldn't remember the first part of the dialogue that ended with the "My Hairy Aunt" line. It was absolutely hysterical. I was howling! I had to play a quick game of hangman to explain it to my company! Ralph

#17 of 139 OFFLINE   Kirsten


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Posted December 11 2001 - 12:52 PM

Quagmire getting caught up in one of those cartoon tornado fights where the characters move around like Taz on crack: "Did I just get laid?"

That line is now apart of my official repetoire. Posted Image

#18 of 139 OFFLINE   Sean Cauley

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Posted December 11 2001 - 01:04 PM

Brian [about Meg]: "Obnoxious little runt. What? I said, 'runt.'" Stewie [at the "shootin' gallery" at the carnival]: "This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fight and this is for fun." [Chris sees Kate Moss at a trendy NY restaurant; she turns sideways, is paper-thin, and disappears] Chris: "Aaaah! It's the Matrix!" [At Brian's porno set in L.A.] Lois: "Wow. A real movie set." Chris: "Maybe we'll see Samuel L. Jackson. He's in everything!" Brian: "Okay, Sam, you're going to approach Jenna from behind . . . ." [Also at Brian's porno set] Stewie: "This place smells of cheap perfume and Astro-Glide!" [Peter and Lois ask Quagmire to babysit the kids] Quagmire: "Well, in accordance with 'Megan's Law,' I'm required to tell you . . . aw, sure they can stay!" Edited because One of mine was the same as Kirsten's, only I think I had the wording slightly wrong.

#19 of 139 OFFLINE   Jason St Louis

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Posted December 11 2001 - 01:48 PM

Sorry people the first quote i did was similar to another

"family Guy" episode? but not correct? The original quote from the pilot i should have done goes like this!

Peter: ar gee's How am i gonna break this to Lois, if she find out i got fired for drinking she gonna blame me!

Peter's Devil: Lie to her it's o.k. to lie to women their not people like us?

Peter: Hey where's the other guy

(Peter's angel in heavy traffic)

Peter's Angel: Come on ya bastard i'm late for work..(spill's coffee on himself)ohh..oh this is perfect!

Later on, in the same episode!

Peter : Lois this is really hard for me to say, but *Lois: "What is it Peter?" Peter : Your getting kinda fat!

Lois : "What"

Peter : It's not healthy heh..hehh

Lois : Peter i do my "Jane Fonda work out three times a week. When's the last time you saw your toes!

Peter: Gee man i thought you people were jolly?

Lois Peter what the hell's the matter with you. Honey if there's something wrong you can tell me?

Peter's Angel : Sorry i'm late man what i'll miss?

Peter : thank god your here! what i'll do?

Peter's angel's devil! : Tell him to keep lying he's in too deep!

Peter's Angel : I don't know. Where's the other guy?

Peter's Angel's Angel?Posted ImageHonking on his car horn!) This is unbelieveable

#20 of 139 OFFLINE   NickSo



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Posted December 11 2001 - 03:23 PM

Hello hospital, its quagmire... yeah, its stuck in a window this time! Posted Image

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