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The B Movie Appreciation Thread

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#1 of 11 OFFLINE   Brian Kissinger

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Posted April 10 2007 - 12:15 PM

Oh no, not another "appreciation" thread. Yep, another one.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I just get in the mood for a good old fashioned B movie. Most of the time, it's just a crapfest, but every now and then you find something good and entertaining. And even in the crappiest of the crappy, I almost always find something funny (intentional or not). With Grindhouse hitting the screens and the big 25th anniversary of Porky's, I've got B on the brain.

My love of B movies began in the mid to late 80's. This is when my best friend and I made it our personal mission to view any and everything that may contain nudity, kung fu, or severed heads. And no stinker (Ghoulies 2 anyone) could deter us.

I'm guessing there's some psychological connection for me with B movies and that time in my life. Life is never easy, but damn were those the days. Your biggest worries were: finding rides to the theater, hoping your mom never wondered why you were spending so much time in the bathroom, praying for the new Optimus Prime figure (and at the same time praying the guys at school never found out you still liked toys), wondering which swimsuit Kelly Smith may wear to the pool, and believing that your mom and dad may still get back together again.

So hopefully you'll forgive me for putting more effort into these movies (and granting more latitude) than perhaps they deserve.

Anyway, on with the love.

I've recently discovered the joys of the Starz channel's "Horror Show" on demand category. It's a dream come true with B horror movies at your fingertips, ready whenever you are. This is one I just gave a spin to.

2001 Maniacs (2005)
Tim Sullivan

You are what THEY eat!

This was executively produced by Eli Roth (who Cabin Fever fans will instantly recognize in a cameo) and has a similar sick sensibility, just not the same budget (or perhaps talent/vision) behind it. That isn't to say it's bad....I found myself rather entertained for 80 minutes. But I'll warn you, there isn't anything here you haven't seen before (and probably done better).

Our plot revolves around some college students (and for some reason a biker and his crazy, dangerous hoochie mama) who head out to Florida for spring break but manage to wind up in the sweet southern town of Pleasant Valley, just in time for the "Guts and Glory" festival and barbeque. What Luck! And these horny teenagers (and biker...musn't forget him) know good fortune when they see it and opt to forgo the deviant dangers of Beachtime Spring Break, and kick it in the wondrous town that: "Has no running water, electricity, cable TV, or hot black bitches." Well, you know it's only a matter of time before these unfortunate souls discover that southern hospitality isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

I'm happy to report that all the southern cliches are hard at work here: Dudes trying to get it on with sheep...check; cousins sleeping with cousins....check; bad teeth, square dancing, cannibalism, Daisy Duke shorts, and dudes with the rebel flag eyepatches.....check, check, check, check and check. Throw it all in the pot and make stew!

It isn't long before friends come up missing, and other friends start eating their friends. Then friends get crushed by giant bells, and yet other friends "beerbong" acid. And as in every "Evil Southern Town" movie, friends throw sharpened horseshoes and their friends severed heads, and later get a "maggot bath" from the empty, evil eyesocket of the crazy mayor.

By the time we get to the "twist" ending, you just have no breath left.

BK Recommended

Interesting Dialogue
"I have full confidence in him, daddy."
"Son, one time I had full confidence in a fart......shit all over myself."

Trivial Facts
The film was filmed on location in Georgia.
On my fourth try, I managed to watch the film in its entirety.

Flesh Factor: No less than 6 different naked ladies and 1 gentleman
Gore Factor: No less than 13 severed heads
Cheese Factor: Kraft Macaroni....it's the cheesiest!
"DO NOT float above me while I'm dying in the abyss!"

#2 of 11 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted April 11 2007 - 12:51 AM

You want cheesy? Check out the original Two Thousand Maniacs! Posted Image

Zulo (The Hole) - Spanish film about a man who is kidnapped and held captive in a well. Thing is, he doesn't know why he's being held! Has he been mistaken for someone else? Are his captors getting revenge for some slight? Or are they indulging in a sick game? Disturbing psychological drama details how quickly one can lose control when denied the trappings of everyday life. Not a B-movie in the traditional American sense perhaps, but with its cast of three and one set action (mostly), this was definitely not a big budget production. Fans of Cube and Saw should dig it. (Region two DVD.)

"And you ask yourself where the hole is now. But that doesn't need an answer. It's still there, in you."

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Isolation - Gooey Irish horror flick about killer cow fetuses. I shit you not. Genetic experiments on cows at an isolated farm result in mad bovine fetuses that can infect other creatures, blah, blah, blah. Basically a riff on Alien and not bad, but awfully familiar. (Region two DVD.)

"No Bessie! Agghhh!!!!"

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#3 of 11 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted April 13 2007 - 12:55 AM

Supercroc - Took one for the team and rented this, thinking it perfect fodder for this thread. Yowza. You know it's bad when you keep nodding off during a movie about a giant, man-eating crocodile! The story: the army tries to stop an oversized croc from invading L.A. (as if that were a bad thing). But the way they go on about it you'd think the croc was fucking Godzilla or something. It's a hundred foot crocodile, guys! Break out a couple of Apaches and hose it down with missiles. Done deal. But no, they keep sending squads of fodder (I mean soldiers) to spray it with machine gun fire, knowing full well that the croc's hide is too tough to pierce with bullets (guess they didn't think to aim for its eyes or to bring along any bazookas). Or they could have duct-taped a bomb to Michael Bay (the irony!) and staked him to the ground in the monster's path. Whatever. Bad CGI, bad acting, badly structured, and with a yellow-tinged color scheme that makes it look like the film stock was steeped in piss. Blech. Skip it and watch the National Geographic documentary SuperCroc instead.

* out of ****

#4 of 11 OFFLINE   Andy Sheets

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Posted April 13 2007 - 03:51 AM

I'd think I'd rather watch Alligator again Posted Image

#5 of 11 OFFLINE   Brian Kissinger

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Posted April 17 2007 - 01:37 PM

Today's Theme: B movies masquerading as A movies.

The following films were given the A treatment with budgets and advertising and theatrical releases, but are really just B movies at heart. One was great, the other so painful, I could bear it no longer.

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
Steve Oedekerk

(No Tagline Available)

I guess my recent viewing of this needs an explanation. I just recently caught Kung Fu Hustle and was blown away. No stretch, the best movie I've seen in quite some time, and instantly into my top 20 of all time. It had the perfect blend of action, kung fu, comedy, and heart. So, when I was at a local used dvd store and saw it, I had to pick it up. Well, right next to it was this film. And since I got a free movie, I thought why not give this film another chance. Kung Fu Hustle proved that kung fu and comedy could co-exist rather nicely, and left me wanting more. And like a junkie, I went for the easiest fix. Damn me.

I viewed this one upon its initial release and didn't think too highly of it. But sometimes if I'm not in the right mood for a certain style of film, I don't get the enjoyment out of it I normally would. So I tried again.

Kung Pow has some funny moments. However, the majority of those come from moments that do not involve kung fu. Here's the problem....Kung Pow doesn't like, appreciate or love kung fu movies. It doesn't embrace kung fu, it simply makes fun of it....much like all those insecure bullies from middle school. Some may see it differently, but I implore those to do a double billing with Kung Fu Hustle and tell me which one honors the medium.

I did laugh (sometimes quite hard.....especially the flashbacks scenes) but for every laugh, there were 3 "cringes." And in the end, I could endure no more and turned it off before the end.

Skip it

Trivial Facts
Most of the movie is footage from another film (Hu Hao Shuang Xing).
All the dubbed voices (save one) is star/director Steve Oedekerk.

Flesh Factor shirtless Steve Oedekerk
Gore Factor not much to speak of
Cheese Factor Velveta here (sure it tastes good and looks like cheese....but it's not real cheese

Snakes on a Plane (2006)
David R. Ellis

Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the fright

Snakes is a B movie lover's dream: A crappy B movie with a big budget and stars. Some crazy internet nerds convinced movie execs that this film needed to be the rated R crappy B movie it deserved to be, and they bought it. They went back and inserted naughty parts (nudity and gore) and gave it a big marketing blitz. And you know what? The film pretty much tanked. Well, it is just a B movie after all. But, I would have hated to see the PG13 version.

Here we have a crazy plot (federal witness is on a plane, so bad guy fills the plane with snakes) that just screams B. For this to be anything but, would have been a travesty. And I loved it. If you go in expecting B fun, I don't think you'll come away disappointed.

Take your B movie cliche characters ( mandatory rude, shitty guy; action hero; federal witness; rich, spoiled girl; newlyweds; kids; loser-guy who ends up landing the plane; etc. etc.) and don't dare give them anymore characterization than that, and put em on a plane with about 700 different type of snakes. Let the snakes loose and have fun. My only complaint is the lack of screen time given to "kickboxer guy." I so badly wanted to see him snap off a roundhouse on a snake.

But for those of you who may need a bit more incentive to view this film, I'm proud to tell you the film is educational as well. Here's some things I learned from this film:

Pheromones make snakes mean, not horny
A crate containing about 8 million snakes is perfectly acceptable cargo on a passenger flight
Giving the wrong antivenom to a snake bite victim will cause death
Snakes don't like being peed on

Bk Recommended

Interesting Dialogue
"Snake....get off my dick!"
"Pretty soon, we're going to go down faster than a Thai hooker."

Trivial Facts
Ronny Yu was originally supposed to direct.
Sam Jackson took the role based solely on the title.
During the "microwave" scene, you can see a "snake" pre-setting on the microwave.
The snakes actually win the body count fight killing 31 people, while only suffering 29 losses.

Flesh Factor A snake firmly latches onto a boobie
Gore Factor A snake to the eye
Cheese Factor "Well that's good news.....snakes on crack."
"DO NOT float above me while I'm dying in the abyss!"

#6 of 11 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted April 18 2007 - 12:03 AM

Well, perhaps Kung Pow 2: Tongue of Fury will be better. Posted Image

#7 of 11 OFFLINE   Brian Kissinger

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Posted May 01 2007 - 04:30 PM

Hide and Creep (2004)
Chuck Hartsell & Chance Shirley

No Tagline Available

This is a fun little movie. The key here might be little, however. If you can't get behind small, direct-to-video films, you may want to skip this one. But you'll be skipping a pretty good time.

The "story" involves a small southern town that is suddenly overwrought with zombies. Whoa, there's a new idea. The charm is in the little fun "pokes" the movie gives the zombie genre. I found myself laughing pretty hard in several areas. And that, basically, is the movie's saving grace. The acting isn't horrible, but pretty much what you'd expect. The "special effects" aren't as good as 3/4 the stuff you come across on Youtube. But, I still recommend.

One of the best parts of the film was the brochure on zombie attacks by the government. It is as follows:

1.) A zombie attack is the deliberate dispatch of zombies. Zombies are reanimated corpses that kill living people and feed on their flesh.

2.) A zombie may or may not be immediately obvious. Zombies usually have paler skin than living people. Also they are often dirty and/or bloody.

3.) If you become aware of a nearby zombie, it doesn't hurt to protect yourself. Get away from the zombie as quickly as possible.

4.) If you decide to attack the zombie, concentrate your efforts on the skull area. Damage to the skull can temporarily or permanently disable the zombie.

5.) Don't let a zombie bite you. If bitten, you will become infected. This will cause you to hunger for human flesh, die and be resurrected as a zombie.

6.) If you are bitten by a zombie, you should contact authorities and then kill yourself via a traumatic head wound. Or, ask an acquaintance to kill you.

Oh, did I mention there is a ufo flying around administering anal probes too?

Interesting Dialogue
(Over PA System)
"Hello, I'd like to remind everyone that while we're in the midst of an unholy siege, Downtown foods is still open for business. We have several registers open when you're ready to check out. Apparently, the parking lot is currently clear of zombies. If anyone is ready to make a run for their vehicles, one of our associates would be happy to escort you. Please, no tipping though, it's our pleasure assisting you."

Flesh Factor Yep (and male full frontal)
Gore Factor This one's not for the Gorehounds
Cheese Factor Kraft.....it's the cheesiest
"DO NOT float above me while I'm dying in the abyss!"

#8 of 11 OFFLINE   dailW


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Posted May 01 2007 - 04:57 PM

i've been thinking about this myself since i have been watching a lot of blockbusters lately. my favorite B-flicks the greatest is martial law 2 : undercover cops , kung fu , what more do you want. other ones bulletproof not the sandler flick this ones with gary busey in his psycho best he plays this cop who get recruited to go to south america to save a weapon best part is when gary is strapped to this cable thimble and he gets away by rolling down the hill on the thimble then theres the two maniac cop movies you have the right to remain silent...forever and never too young to die john stamos vanity robert england gene simmons in drag need i say more oh highlander 2 the theatrical version perfect cheese i know these movies are not godfather more like godfather 3 but they are a lot of fun

#9 of 11 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted May 02 2007 - 01:24 AM

Enjoyed another zombiethon the other day and thought I'd talk about two of those films for this thread:

Zombie Doom - The third installment in German splatmeister Andreas Schnass' Violent Shit trilogy. This one is pretty bad and not even deserving of B-movie status, but I have to say that I enjoyed it for its sheer gory chutzpah. Three guys land on an island that is unfortunately for them the base of operations for megalomaniac Karl the Butcher and his Infantry of Doom. Karl rules over his men with an iron fist and isn't afraid to dispatch those who don't make the cut. Methods of execution include a guillotine that seats four and a hook on a chain. In a scene guaranteed to make you wince, a hook is shoved up a man's ass and pulled upwards, ripping out his spinal cord! Ouchy-mama!!! Back to the three guys. They're caught and told they're gonna play The Most Dangerous Game. So along with one of Karl's soldiers that failed to make the grade, they're released and hunted down. Fortunately the ex-soldier has Ninja connections and two of his pals show up, ready to kick Karl's ass but good. An endless stream of gory dispatches follows, including bisectings, impalings and nose-loppings. I believe this film also set a record for geysering blood but I can't be sure. But what about the friggin' zombies you ask? Isn't this flick titled Zombie Doom? Well, Karl's resident, Hitler-mustachioed mad scientist is raising an army of the living dead, though these ghouls see little action. But who cares? This movie is so balls to the wall crazy you don't really care about the lack of living dead action or quality in general. Just sit back and enjoy the carnage (and that godawful dubbing job)!

Brain Blockers - Horror comedy about a college professor cum scientist (bearing a striking resemblance to a golden years Boris Karloff) who experiments on co-eds with his brain serum. Naturally the stuff turns them into flesh-eating ghouls...until they blow up that is! Badly-rendered CGI explosions aside, this is fairly well done for its budget and is pretty entertaining. Kudos have to be given to the cast, as they're generally capable and are game to the task. Of particular note is lead Timmi Cragg (who names their daughter Timmi?), who reminded me of Winona Ryder (still got a crush on her). Oo-la-la!

#10 of 11 OFFLINE   Lucia Duran

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Posted May 02 2007 - 02:19 PM

Far From Home: A 14-year-old girl on a cross-country vacation with her jounalist father run out of gas in a small Nevada town and must stay in a run-down trailer park where she attracts the attention of two local adolescent teenage boys, one of whom is a killer lurking among the trailer park residents. I enjoy this movie. It's one of those B films that I can watch whenever!



#11 of 11 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted May 16 2007 - 12:48 AM

Freakshow - So I'm there at the video store looking for a cheesy flick to balance out the day's rentals, you know, something to counter all the heady, artsy-fartsy stuff. Then I see Freakshow on the shelf, the ad copy proudly proclaiming that it is "in the tradition of Tod Browning's Freaks" and "banned in 43 countries." The liberal reactionary in me says hey, I gotta see this!

A gang of thieves is hiding out in a circus. Their leader has brought along his shirt-doffing, blonde bimbo of a girlfriend. Together they connive to rob the circus owner of his riches: the bimbo will seduce and marry the old geezer, after which he'll have an "accident." Sounds like an awful lot of trouble to go to in order to get your hands on what would most likely be a rather paltry sum of money. (This ain't Barnum and Bailey we're talkin' about.) The thieves here are nasty, brutish thugs, little better than animals, but of course they consider themselves much more human than the circus freaks. When they kill one of the misfits, their plot is uncovered and the freaks get some revenge. Sound good? Well it could have been but this flick is terribly lifeless and seems overlong at even 85 minutes. Gruesome fate of the blonde bimbo aside, there is nothing here to see; rent the Tod Browning flick instead.

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Maybe they meant bored in 43 countries?

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