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Funniest joke ever!


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#1 of 59 OFFLINE   SteveGon

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Posted December 19 2005 - 05:50 AM

What did King Kong say to Ann Darrow?



Will you be my gorillafriend?

Posted Image

#2 of 59 OFFLINE   Scott Simonian

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Posted December 19 2005 - 06:06 AM

Oh...kay.
Another supporter of 1080p and uncompressed multi-channel sound!

My Twin 18's. 50cuft of box, tuned to 11hz and with 2k watts on tap.

#3 of 59 OFFLINE   SteveGon

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Posted December 19 2005 - 06:11 AM

You know, girlfriend/gorillafriend...

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, I crack myself up.

#4 of 59 OFFLINE   Jason Harbaugh

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Posted December 19 2005 - 06:17 AM

Hittin that nog early eh? Posted Image

#5 of 59 OFFLINE   LewB

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Posted December 19 2005 - 09:29 AM

Funniest joke ever ? I dis-respectfully offer 'the aristocrats'.
Coming to DVD 1/24/2006 !!!

Or how about:
Norton - Hey Ralph, you mind if I smoke ?
Ralph - I don't care if you burn.

Now THAT'S funny !

#6 of 59 OFFLINE   Joseph DeMartino

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Posted December 19 2005 - 10:45 AM

My favorite King Kong joke was from a series of cartoons created on-the-spot at a science fiction convention. I'm drawing a total blank on the name of the artist, but the captions were written by Harlan Ellison. The funniest one depicted Kong on top of the State Building, giving a passing bi-plane the universal single-finger salute. Ellison's caption? A one-word word balloon:

Fokker!

Posted Image

Joe

(I've often wondered if Ben Stiller saw that cartoon as a young man. If he did, I think Ellison owes the world an apology. Posted Image)

#7 of 59 OFFLINE   Micah Cohen

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Posted December 19 2005 - 11:01 AM

I know I'm supposed to post a King Kong joke here, but the funniest joke ever is still this one:

Two sausages are in a frying pan and one sausage says to the other sausage, "Gee, it's really getting hot in here," to which the second sausage replies,
"HOLY SHIT A TALKING SAUSAGE!"


Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all week. Posted Image

MC
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"There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney

#8 of 59 OFFLINE   mattCR

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Posted December 19 2005 - 12:42 PM

LewB Posted Image

A man, a wife, his two kids a dog and his mother-in-law walk into an agents office and say "Pardon us sir, if I can have just a minute of your time"

"Yeah yeah"

"We have an act"

"What kind of act is that?"

"It's a family act..."

"We don't really take family acts, way to cutesy."

"No sir, this one is different. First.."


Posted Image

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#9 of 59 OFFLINE   Henry C

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Posted December 19 2005 - 12:53 PM

Posted Image
"You cannot make an omelet without breaking an egg, every cook will tell you that!

But look what happened to the cook!!"

#10 of 59 OFFLINE   Drew Clement

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Posted December 19 2005 - 01:02 PM

good joke

#11 of 59 OFFLINE   Eric_L

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Posted December 19 2005 - 01:23 PM

OK, maybe I had too much nogg too, those last two made no sense to me...

#12 of 59 OFFLINE   MichaelBA

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Posted December 19 2005 - 02:23 PM

Ah, that sausage joke is still making me laugh, and I hate jokes!
He's got the bit between his teeth... all right!

#13 of 59 OFFLINE   Joseph DeMartino

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Posted December 19 2005 - 03:28 PM

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this - some kinda joke?"

Posted Image

The "family" joke quoted above is the beginning of the world's dirtiest joke, "The Aristocrats", told at length and in many variations in the film of the same name.

Regards,

Joe

#14 of 59 OFFLINE   Linda Thompson

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Posted December 19 2005 - 04:08 PM

Posted Image

Posted Image

#15 of 59 OFFLINE   Christ Reynolds

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Posted December 19 2005 - 05:42 PM

i only have about 3 jokes i tell, and they are all the same. my fav:

what do horses eat?
you reply: hay.
what do gay horses eat?
HHHAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!



i also like this one, but it's been floating around for a little while now. for the ones who havent heard it yet...

how many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb?
wanna ride bikes?


Quote:
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this - some kinda joke?"
that is pretty funny.

CJ
And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat anymore, I just use the restroom! And then I CAN eat more!

#16 of 59 OFFLINE   Laura Nicholson

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Posted December 20 2005 - 01:11 AM

What did the fish say when he hit the concrete?

dam



Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

It scares the dog


:b :b
All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when ever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you: digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning, full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed.

#17 of 59 OFFLINE   Scott Dautel

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Posted December 20 2005 - 02:03 AM

One of my faves ....

A honeymooning couple go out for a midnight swim and the wife vanishes.
After hours of searching, the husband calls the police and returns to his hotel.
Later that evening, there is a knock on his door. It’s the police …

Cop: Mister, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news, some good news and some REALLY good news …
Husband: Oh God … give me the bad news first.
Cop: OK, we dragged the bay and pulled up your wife’s body.
Husband: Ahhhh … how could there possible be good news?
Cop: Well, when we pulled her up, we got 4 lobsters, 6 crabs and about 15 oysters.
Husband: Whats the REALLY good news?
Cop:
We're pullin' her up again tomorrow


#18 of 59 OFFLINE   Garrett Lundy

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Posted December 20 2005 - 02:14 AM

Did you hear the one about the blonde who went to church?

She heard there was a guy there who was hung like this (hold arms apart "big fish" style)


A man is drinking in a bar, when a pirate sits next to him. The pirate has an eyepatch, a peg leg, and a hook for a hand. The man asks the pirate "How did you lose your leg?" The pirate takes a drink and tells him "Yar! I was sailing past Cape Horn when a tidal wave threw me off the deck and into the water. I climbed my way back up the side of the ship, but just before I reached the deck a shark lept out of the water and bit me leg off."

The man thinks thats pretty amazing, and asks how he lost his arm. The pirate tells his tale: "Well me matey, we were engaged in fierce mortal combat with the crew of a rival pirate crew. And just as I was about to send the enemy pirate captain to a watery grave with my pistol, another combatant lopped me hand off at the wrist with his cutlass".

"Ouch!" said the man. "How did you lose your eye?". The pirate thinks for a minute and says "A seagull shit in me eye". The man has a puzzled look about him...... "you lost your eyeball because a seagull shit in it?"

The pirate turns a bright shade of red and sheepishly mumbles his reply .... "It was my first day with the hook".
"Did you know that more people are murdered at 92 degrees Fahrenheit than any other temperature? I read an article once. Lower temperatures, people are easy-going, over 92 and it's too hot to move, but just 92, people get irritable."

#19 of 59 OFFLINE   MichaelBA

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Posted December 20 2005 - 02:20 AM

Quote:
A man is drinking in a bar, when a pirate sits next to him.
That alone is actually pretty funny.
He's got the bit between his teeth... all right!

#20 of 59 OFFLINE   Steve Christou

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Posted December 20 2005 - 02:22 AM

A motorcyclist is cycling home to his wife when he has an awful accident. Some time later he wakes up in hospital with a solemn looking doctor looking down on him. "I'm very sorry but you've lost one of your testicles in the crash and it's simply too badly damaged to re-attach." says the doc. The biker is absolutely distraught."Is there nothing you can do for me?"
"Well." ponders the doc, examing his clipboard. "We could replace it with a monkey testicle, they're the same size and shape and it'll feel completely comfortable, it's probably your best bet."
The man agrees to go ahead and just days after the operation is allowed to go home. Nine months later the same biker is sitting outside the delivery room in the maternity ward, sweating bullets. Finally the midwife walks thru the doors smiling broadly. "Well?" gasps the biker. "Everything's fine," The midwife assures him."Your baby is extemely healthy."
"Fantastic! And is it a boy or a girl?" Asks the biker.
"I'm afraid we just don't know," replies the midwife." We haven't been able to coax the little bugger down from the ceiling yet."

Dave hören... auf, wille stoppen sie Dave... stoppen sie Dave... Mein gehirn geht... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin gefühl es... Ich bin ängstlich Dave... Guter Nachmittag. Ich bin ein HAL 9000 computer. Ich wurde funktionsfähig am HAL-Betrieb in Urbana, Illinois auf January 12 1992.


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