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First Date: Do's & Dont's (Flowers?)


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68 replies to this topic

#1 of 69 OFFLINE   Michael D. Bunting

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:24 AM

Okay,

I divorced about 6-7 months ago and have recently begun dating again. I have went out on a few dates here and there over the past 3 or 4 months and everyone of them went fine.

I think I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing. I have a date this evening with someone who I have met over the internet (now, don't worry, she is not Russian!!! --- Sorry Blu!) via match.com

We have chatted the past 3 weeks and we finally decided to meet tonight for the first time. We'll be meeting up and then going to a nice dinner in Tacoma, WA on the waterfront.

The main reason I posted this is to get an opinion on whether I should bring along a nice little bouquet of flowers for her. What do I do here? I'm not talking Roses here - just a nice boquest of something "pretty".
This is something I HAVE NOT DONE on most of my previous dates at all. In fact, I only did it one time for a date that had us attending the symphony orchestra in Seattle, so it was a special night.

Flowers for tonight? Yeah or Neay?

Any other advice for me?

The girl I'm going out with tonight is 22 (I'm 30) and this will be the largest age difference that I will have ever experienced on a date, so I'm a little nervous about that..otherwise, I think everything will be fine.

Would love to hear any pointers from you all out there...of course, I'll have to take these with a grain of salt, as it is Friday night and you guys are all at home surfing the HTF Posted Image Just kidding....

#2 of 69 OFFLINE   Rob Gardiner

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:33 AM

Go get her, tiger. Posted Image

I say NO flowers on the first date. Save them for a special occasion.

#3 of 69 OFFLINE   Chris Lanni

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:34 AM

Oh man, now we see why it was/is that you have to sell all that stuff in the Hardware for sale thread. Posted Image

How have your conversations been going online? Have they been at all deep and emotional? If so I think flowers are exceptional.Posted Image

And by the way I am married and I am like just waiting for my wife to get home from work...Right?

Gods Love
chris

P.S. Be yourself and have a blast!Posted Image

#4 of 69 OFFLINE   Andrew Pratt

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:42 AM

Normally I'd say no but since you already sort of know her it might not be a bad idea...just keep it simple

#5 of 69 OFFLINE   Mark Sherman

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:44 AM

Play it cool no flowers but a nice Bottle of wine at the table would be nice.

Go slow the wine nice dessert at a cafe then go for a walk. if its in the city there are tons of guys hawking flowers if so grab ONE for her. That way its a nice ending to a great night.


hey it worked for me
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#6 of 69 OFFLINE   Moe Maishlish

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:45 AM

Haven't met her yet?

NO FLOWERS!

Internet/Phone chemistry is NOT the same as personal chemistry. There's a lot to be said about body language, facial expression, etc. If you had already met her in person, then you'd be able to guage the "in person" attraction level. As it is right now, you might not be sure if she actually looks like her picture (you have seen a picture, right?).

In addition to that, when you bring a girl flowers you're kind of expressing an emotion, or a hope. Some women find flowers very romantic... but for the most part when they meet someone for the first time, the last impression you want to give them is that you've already got feelings for them. You might freak them out, scare them, whatever. Let them determine on their own (without any "bribery") that you're the man for them. This ain't TV or the movies, and all that mushy garbage is crap... especially when it comes to meeting people online.

(For the record, I've met MANY women online... trust me on this one.)

Save the flowers for the 3rd date (not the 2nd... 2nd is the buffer date, when you get together to make sure date #1 wasn't a fluke). Posted Image

Moe.
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#7 of 69 OFFLINE   Cees Alons

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:01 AM

You've chatted along and now meeting for a first time and a dinner occasion? Nothing wrong with a nice modest set of flowers to give her when you meet. Don't make it "heavy-handed", though. Just give it with a smile, it's just to be meant as a nice gesture to honor the occasion now the two of you really meet. Not to do something "very special" or "very romantic".
She's 22, so I don't think a bottle of wine is a present she's likely to appreciate.

Did you swap photo's already? If not, make it all very casual and .. well, just pleasant. In that case you people don't even know if you're each other's mutual "type" or not.

Make it all as normal and casual as you can. She may be a bit nervous about the situation too. Especially, because she's probably even less familiar with a situation like this than you are.

Nice meet, nice chat, nice meal. That's the idea. Got to know each other a lit better and more personal (than through the Internet).

May appear to be just a good evening. May appear to be more.


Cees

#8 of 69 OFFLINE   Michael D. Bunting

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:28 AM

Thanks for everyone's great advice and suggestions!

We have exchanged photos...have talked on the phone numerous times..and we both seem to be really excited about tonight. So, I'm pretty sure I'll be stopping to pick up a little something (flowers) before we meet.

Quote:
Nice meet, nice chat, nice meal. That's the idea. Got to know each other a lit better and more personal (than through the Internet).


Yes, this should sum up our night - thanks Cees!

Allright - time to get ready Posted Image Wish me luck!~

#9 of 69 OFFLINE   Jason Pancake

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:29 AM

I respectfully disagree with Cees. The Doc knows all and gives some good advice for what NOT to do on a first date. Bringing flowers is one of them. Others on this forum can back me up on his advice. He knows what he's talking about. If only I had known about the Doc before I got married Posted Image

http://www.askmen.co....ip_expert.html

Doc Love Archives: (Highly Recommended)
http://www.askmen.co.../archive23.html

#10 of 69 OFFLINE   Michael D. Bunting

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:34 AM

Allright...I'm going to think on the "flowers" here for the next 45 minutes...

...it's a tough call...for me anyway...

Her and I just chatted and we changed our meeting place to somewhere where I probably won't feel comfortable (local coffee shop) walking in with flowers in my hand, so I'm actually leaning towards NO FLOWERS right now...

Again, thanks for all the advice/suggestions..better go, or else I'll need flowers to help apologize on why I was late for our date Posted Image

I'll let you all know how it goes...and that could be as early as a few hours from now Posted Image or perhaps tomorrow Posted Image

#11 of 69 OFFLINE   Chris Lanni

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:40 AM

OK...If you give flowers and the date works out great then I voted for that. If the date enters the mausoleum never to be seen again then that is not the way I voted. Posted Image

No matter what happens if the date works for the best then it was my ideaPosted Image Posted Image

Uhh...Right?Posted Image Posted Image

Gods Love
chris

Seriously though, just have a relaxing time with her.

#12 of 69 OFFLINE   Greg_R

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Posted June 18 2004 - 11:44 AM

Quote:
The Doc knows all and gives some good advice for what NOT to do on a first date. Bringing flowers is one of them.
But would you classify this as a first date )in terms of the Doc's advice)? They have had lengthy contact before tonight. However, I would say nay on the flowers (you're already buying her dinner).

#13 of 69 OFFLINE   Pamela

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Posted June 18 2004 - 12:14 PM

My vote is no flowers. Lengthy contact doesn't mean diddly squat until you meet face to face. Only then will you know if you click. If the first date goes well, then by all means, give her flowers on a subsequent date.

#14 of 69 OFFLINE   Shane Martin

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Posted June 18 2004 - 02:43 PM

No flowers until the 2nd date is the way I'd go but if you take the same car I'd open the door for her and stuff and act like a gentleman Posted Image

#15 of 69 OFFLINE   Jason Pancake

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Posted June 18 2004 - 03:32 PM

Hey Greg,
The Doc would probably consider this a first date and as such would be very much against flowers on the first date. His concern is that it suggests desperation on the man's part. I know he states this in at least one of his articles on AskMen.

#16 of 69 OFFLINE   Danny Tse

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Posted June 18 2004 - 03:35 PM

I will second no flowers as well.

Just be yourself, be gentlemanly, relax, and have a good time.

That's it. Evaluate after first date.
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#17 of 69 OFFLINE   Adam Gregorich

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Posted June 18 2004 - 09:11 PM

And don't forget to tell us how it went Posted Image ....

#18 of 69 OFFLINE   Artur Meinild

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Posted June 18 2004 - 10:35 PM

I recommend flowers for special occasions only. I have only bought my girlfriend flowers once, and that was recently for our ½ year anniversary. She was moved to tears... Posted Image
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#19 of 69 OFFLINE   Michael D. Bunting

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Posted June 19 2004 - 01:08 AM

Hey everyone!

Went with: NO FLOWERS

Good news! The date went very, very well and ended up being longer than we had both anticiplated or planned on it being. We talked pretty much the entire night; over dinner, walking on the waterfront, and even later sitting in a park. Dinner was great, as we got the best seat in the house (somehow) overlooking the Pueget Sound.

It seems like we have a lot in common, so we agreed to a 2nd date sometime this next week.

So, I may break out the Flowers on our next date, or perhaps wait once more. I guess that'll be another post early next week Posted Image

Quote:
No flowers until the 2nd date is the way I'd go but if you take the same car I'd open the door for her and stuff and act like a gentleman


I ALWAYS open the car door for anyone I go out with on a date...same goes for this at the movies, dinner, or anywhere else with a door. Just the way I was brought up...

Thanks again for everyone's advice and suggestions!

I probably could have brought flowers last night and everything would have went fine going that route too possibly, but I think it was a safer bet not to bing them this time, in my situtation anyway. Have a good weekend!

#20 of 69 OFFLINE   Cameron Yee

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Posted June 19 2004 - 04:19 AM

Glad to hear you had a good time. I have a question: How do you keep your date from opening the passenger door before you get there? Do you tell her you're going to do it? Do you run really fast? Being a fellow northwesterner I've known very few women who expect or anticipate a car door being opened for them. I had a friend in college who was really big on opening the car door, but he'd always have to race over to the other side. I don't know if his dates just thought it was endearing or overdoing it.
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