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A Guy's rules..

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13 replies to this topic

#1 of 14 OFFLINE   RobertR


    Lead Actor

  • 9,655 posts
  • Join Date: Dec 19 1998

Posted March 29 2004 - 07:17 AM

Got these from a coworker. All in good fun Posted Image

The Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh!!

#2 of 14 OFFLINE   Ricardo C

Ricardo C


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Posted March 29 2004 - 07:42 AM

I actually do use the toilet seat one Posted Image
Man, an hour wasted on this sig! Thanks, Toshiba! :P

#3 of 14 OFFLINE   Holadem


    Lead Actor

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Posted March 29 2004 - 07:54 AM

My life became dramatically easier once I understood and applied this. -- H

#4 of 14 OFFLINE   Rob Gardiner

Rob Gardiner


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Posted March 29 2004 - 07:59 AM

Don't forget

No phone calls the next day.


Staying overnight is optional.

#5 of 14 OFFLINE   DavidAM


    Second Unit

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  • Join Date: Sep 30 2001

Posted March 29 2004 - 09:24 AM

Remember, just because you read it doesn't mean everyone has seen it already. 99% of discussions on here have been discussed already....it would be a quiet forum if everyone did a search before posting.
Gamertag = Ferguson77

#6 of 14 OFFLINE   Christ Reynolds

Christ Reynolds


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Posted March 29 2004 - 09:30 AM

and posts like this have been following close behind. new members join here every day. if it isnt killing you to let threads like this remain open, i'd say save your breath. CJ
And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat anymore, I just use the restroom! And then I CAN eat more!

#7 of 14 OFFLINE   Mike Wladyka

Mike Wladyka

    Supporting Actor

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Posted March 29 2004 - 09:51 AM

you got a little greedy with this one

Posted Image
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

#8 of 14 OFFLINE   Ron Etaylor

Ron Etaylor

    Second Unit

  • 275 posts
  • Join Date: Feb 18 2002

Posted March 29 2004 - 10:19 AM

With respect to the post being old, here's another guy thing: If we think something is funny once, it gets funnier the more we hear/see/read it. i.e. Caddyshack, Blazing Saddles, 3 Stooges, et al.Posted Image

#9 of 14 OFFLINE   StephenA



  • 1,514 posts
  • Join Date: Nov 30 2001

Posted March 29 2004 - 11:05 AM

Don't go moving stuff around or cleaning either, especially without asking. Guys hate that, I know I do. Stuff's there for a reason, and should be there when needed or wanted.

#10 of 14 OFFLINE   Shane Bos

Shane Bos

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Posted March 29 2004 - 12:19 PM

I like how all the rules are so important that they are all number 1

#11 of 14 OFFLINE   Marc_Sulinski


    Supporting Actor

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Posted March 29 2004 - 03:52 PM

This is my favorite. I know this list is supposed to be only half serious, but I strongly agree with this one. The excuse about falling in is ridiculous. I obviously need the seat down on occassion and have never fallen in. I don't think many guys have.

#12 of 14 OFFLINE   Aurel Savin

Aurel Savin

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Posted March 29 2004 - 04:33 PM

I would like to add to this ...


#13 of 14 OFFLINE   Yee-Ming



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  • Real Name:Yee Ming Lim
  • Location"on a little street in Singapore"

Posted March 29 2004 - 06:29 PM

I'm with Marc_S. I think a comedian put it best, "what do women do, take a flying butt-leap onto the toilet without looking???"

#14 of 14 OFFLINE   LaMarcus



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Posted March 29 2004 - 10:53 PM

This is one I personally live by!!!!

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