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Your favorite bad movie review?

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4 replies to this topic

#1 of 5 OFFLINE   SteveGon


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Posted December 01 2003 - 09:30 AM

Mine's gotta be Mr. Cranky's review of the godawful i am sam:

[quote] Lucy is what we call a cinematic puppeteer's wet dream, a 7-year-old archetype of precocious wisdom which simply does not exist. She knows what she wants. When the court asks her, she responds, "All you need is love," a line of dialogue so unbelievably bad, it's a wonder it didn't reach up to Heaven and inspire God to destroy all of humankind in a single apocalyptic rebuke for our wasted potential. [quote]
Go here for the full review.

#2 of 5 OFFLINE   Nick Sievers

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Posted December 01 2003 - 11:29 AM

James Berardinelli's review of the atrocious Bad Boys II

[quote] The only thing as bad as bad comedy is bad action. Bad Boys II has plenty of both. In fact, those two things are all it has, unless you count the small helping of bad drama. When it comes to this movie, the word "bad" initially seems highly appropriate. But Bad Boys II isn't just bad - it's a catastrophic violation of every aspect of cinema that I as a film critic hold dear. [quote]
Linked HERE. My god this film was bad.
Top 10 Film Lists: 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004
Film Lists: 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005

#3 of 5 OFFLINE   Greg_R



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Posted December 01 2003 - 12:27 PM

Although the "I am Sam" review was pretty good, I'm going to give my vote to Mr. Cranky's Good Burger review.

[quote] Historians have come to a general consensus about which creations constitute the pinnacle of human creative achievement: Michelangelo's David, Da Vinci's Mona Lisa, Shakespeare's Hamlet. Few of us are fortunate enough to live in a time where an artist finally masters his medium and creates a work of such inspiring, enduring brilliance that its light shines across the ages. Now, however, ours will be remembered as the age when film finally found its champion. The debate which once raged about the relative merits of Citizen Kane vs. Casablanca can now fall silent: As the end of the twentieth century nears, Good Burger has achieved cinematic perfection. [quote]

#4 of 5 OFFLINE   Rob P S

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Posted December 01 2003 - 01:26 PM

This review of Jaws the Revenge.

[quote] If you keep slogging through life’s more unpleasant tasks, you’ll eventually see them through. This is a lesson I have recently relearned. I’ve spent the last several years—I’m pretty sure that’s right—reviewing the four movies that constitute the Jaws series. These sojourns have taken me from the Olympian peaks of the initial film to the Stygian depths of, well, this one. I’m just beginning the final leg of that epic journey, but I can see the sun stretching and yawning as its fiery pate edges over the horizon, bringing with it a new day. (Admittedly, I’ll probably spend this new day reviewing a Steven Seagal movie or something.)

Still, I’m not taking our current subject lightly, as it is marked by a rare distinction. The gulf in quality between Jaws and Jaws: The Revenge may well be the widest between any two such films in the entire history of cinema. This is not meant to be a hyperbolic claim. While I’m sure others can suggest competitors for this dubious crown, I’d be willing to defend our featured pair against all comers. [quote]

#5 of 5 OFFLINE   Patrick McCart

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Posted December 03 2003 - 09:05 AM

Roger Ebert's review of The Time Machine is a joy to read.

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