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Do internet dating sites really work?


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50 replies to this topic

#1 of 51 OFFLINE   Karl_Luph

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Posted August 25 2003 - 02:43 PM

I was just curious because I saw an article about them and could not believe how many millions of people have used them recently. Has anybody actually had any real experiences using them?

#2 of 51 OFFLINE   BrianB

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Posted August 25 2003 - 02:54 PM

Two of my best friends met through match.com, I met my wife online initially, and know plenty of other people who met initially via some form of internet communication. It's just another way of "spreading the net" to seek new people to meet. We use the net for so many things these days, why not to meet new people?
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#3 of 51 OFFLINE   Joe6pack99

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Posted August 25 2003 - 04:18 PM

many many people have had good luck.....

#4 of 51 OFFLINE   Martin Fontaine

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Posted August 25 2003 - 04:19 PM

I recently signed up to one of those. There's this girl I started messaging with and almost met. So far my most likely theory is that she already had a boyfriend and likes to play with guy's emotions. Even if she claimed she met him the day before we were supposed to meet when I asked her why she didn't show up. I think she is one of those who gets a kick out of giving guys false hopes and then shattering them at the moment it hurts the most.

I don't know if I will ever meet someone decent (Are there even any decent girls in this world?) but so far, my experience was not positive at all.
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#5 of 51 OFFLINE   Cees Alons

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Posted August 25 2003 - 08:19 PM

Or she may have been shy and think she's ugly, or fear you would be disappointed for any other reason.

Or perhaps her age was quite different from what you thought. And how can you be sure it was a she?

There are so many complications, most of those are already known from the write-pals era. But also, it certainly works out well for some people.

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#6 of 51 OFFLINE   NicholasL

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Posted August 25 2003 - 08:51 PM

That's what I always thought was the biggest problem. What if you and a girl/guy agreed to meet somewhere, and when you showed up he/she turned out to be...well, not to your liking. Like, BIG TIME not to your liking. That would really suck for them, and waste your time too. I think nothing beats meeting people the old fashioned way, whether it be through mutual friends, coworkers, coincidence, or whatever.

#7 of 51 OFFLINE   Artur Meinild

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Posted August 25 2003 - 09:15 PM

Well, it's certainly normal to exchange photos before you meet. But like others have said, there are some good dating sites and there are some bad ones. In genereal, I would stay away from "free" sites if you are indeed serious, and visit "pay" sites only. In that way, you can sort away all the unserious people.
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#8 of 51 OFFLINE   AllanN

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Posted August 26 2003 - 01:23 AM

In my POS town, NO. But it's hard to find a good date the old fashion way to. Most single successful people leave the area. Like I plan on doing next year because there are very few good jobs.

However if you live in the Youngstown, OH area and are looking for a 18-20 year old's with two kids ans some major issues, online dating is the way to go.
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#9 of 51 OFFLINE   Dave Poehlman

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Posted August 26 2003 - 01:26 AM

Internet dating never works for me... my wife and I can't understand why.

#10 of 51 OFFLINE   Dave_Brown

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Posted August 26 2003 - 01:32 AM

I think those sites just depend on how much work and effort you want to put into them. For some reason I've had mix luck, meaning I've meet a lot of women from them but never established a long term relationship.

And, this may be way out in left field, but it seems the majority of the women I've meet have had no problem getting "intimate" a lot faster after the first couple of physical meetings. It seems the more time you spend talking on the phone/emailing before meeting will coordinate to how many dates before they want to spend the night. Of course there are also the ones who make you run away, and I don't mean because of how they look. I met another girl and after our second date I found out she was now telling her friends I "was the guy she was going to marry, I just didn't know it yet."

At least it has become a lot more acceptable by society. Used to be you were looked at as a leper if you said you met online.

#11 of 51 OFFLINE   Kolya

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Posted August 26 2003 - 03:35 AM

I met my fiancé through an ad that I placed on Yahoo personals. We've been dating close to two years now, and will be making it permanent sometime next year.

I spent most of a year browsing various online personals looking for someone to meet. In that time I messaged about 10 people and actually met about 5 of those. None were what I was looking for.

Frustrated, I placed an ad myself and was brutally honest about who I was (atheist vegetarian geek) and what I was looking for (someone to enjoy life with). I also spent some time fleshing out my Yahoo profile.

She contacted me within a week. We traded emails for a couple weeke, then met for lunch at Applebees. The next weekend we went to the Ansel Adams exhibit at the SF MOMA and walked around the city. Talking about it much later, we knew then we were perfect for each other. Posted Image

#12 of 51 OFFLINE   Cees Alons

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Posted August 26 2003 - 03:42 AM

Quote:
....then I think that the best way to go is to use those services for the purpose of making friends. That's a lot less pressure than dating, and if you find that you do like the person..
Very good advice, IMO! Posted Image

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#13 of 51 OFFLINE   Noah Gottula

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Posted August 26 2003 - 04:40 AM

The best advice I can give you is not spend tons and tons of time chatting online with the other person, before you have even met them. Find someone you're interested in, send a few emails back and forth, so you get to know the person a little better, then try and arrange a face to face meeting as soon as possible. Otherwise it becomes more and more highly likely that you will build this person up into something near perfection and it will be next to impossible for them to hold your expectations went you finally meet in real life.

#14 of 51 OFFLINE   MikeH1

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Posted August 26 2003 - 05:56 AM

Good advice Noah! Very true.

I just go into msn or yahoo chat rooms and have never signed up for a personals website. I have met some great women online and the last one I met, about 2 weeks ago, is the nicest so far. We hit it off great and I'm hoping this one will work out.

A big thing to remember is to not lie. What you say online and then once you meet it won't take long for them to figure out your not telling everything. Myself, I'm actually quite truthful when chatting, always looking for humor and playing with words.

To see if their really who they are chat for a few nights, perhaps a week. Get to know each other. Then ask to call them. Usually she will oblige and you can be relieved when you call and hear a female voice. Ask for pics to, but never ask right off the start. Chicks hate this (I think they feel cheap and it tells them all your interested is in their looks) so after a few online chats then ask.

Anyway, good luck!!

#15 of 51 OFFLINE   NicholasL

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Posted August 26 2003 - 05:58 AM

But what I find is that chatting online is easy because there is no pressure in conversation, no awkwardness in silence, no distractions to ruin the moment, etc. I use AIM alot to talk with friends I have, but I just always saw online dating as something for those perhaps too shy to meet people physically. I mean, as someone mentioned, if you were a "decent catch," wouldn't you have the confidence to meet people the traditional way? True, we do live in the age of internet where everyone and their mom is online...but even posting pictures isn't always telling. It might be a picture of them a long time ago.

And for those of you who have had success with online dating, I'm not putting it down or anything, I'm just stating what I think, perhaps out of my own ignorance do I not fully understand it.

#16 of 51 OFFLINE   Carl Johnson

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Posted August 26 2003 - 06:20 AM

Internet dating absolutely positively works. As with every other kind of meeting people that I've heard of it's not perfect and you'll likely have to go thru multiple failures before making a love connection. I literally got the most bang for my buck thru Match.com . Before internet dating I literally went years at a time without a date but now I'm good enough at it where I have the females contacting me(that's how I met my current girlfriend) Posted Image

#17 of 51 OFFLINE   MikeH1

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Posted August 26 2003 - 06:26 AM

Quote:
if you were a "decent catch," wouldn't you have the confidence to meet people the traditional way?


Traditional way. Heh. I did sports ( baseball), hanging out at the library, then Chapters, the bar scene, the list goes on. I'm sick of the bar scene (been playing that game for years) and truth is the internet is just way to convenient. And like Home Theater, I don't even have to leave the comfort of my own home!

#18 of 51 OFFLINE   Mike Lenthol

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Posted August 26 2003 - 10:33 AM

Are there any websites that actually employ psychologists and actually offer a questionnaire that can be matched with others? Seems like a gold mine from an entrepreneurial standpoint (if made to work fairly efficiently.)

#19 of 51 OFFLINE   Steve Enemark

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Posted August 26 2003 - 12:27 PM

I'd say so. My gf and I met on lavalife.com and have been together for almost a year now.
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#20 of 51 OFFLINE   Scott_lb

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Posted August 26 2003 - 01:49 PM

Mike,
Yes, there is a psychologist that has a matchmaking site who provides various types of testing to "match people up." I do not remember the name of the site, however. As an industrial/organizational psychologist myself, I am curious as to the types of instruments he/she is using for the site. I'm sure you could find it pretty quickly via a google search.

I've also heard that there are dating services exclusive to working professionals, although I am unaware as to if they exist on-line or off. As I understand it, these types of services are much more expensive though. Then again, if you get the results you want in a shorter amount of time it just might be worth it for single professionals looking to match up.
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