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Breaking the news of a purchase to your significant other

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#21 of 38 OFFLINE   Lee Carbray

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Posted April 30 2003 - 06:21 AM

I told my wife I was saving to get some new speakers, but not what and how much. When she saw what, she was not happy, when she heard how much she wasn't happy(and I gave he the price before tax too). She was used to the book shelfs and when I hook up the floor standers she was not impressed. I heard about it every day for about a month and now she has not said a thing since.

She was just pissed because she would have spent the money differently. I don't know why she is complaining, I mean she is on Mat leave and gets to listen to them all dayPosted Image
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#22 of 38 OFFLINE   Kevin C Brown

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Posted April 30 2003 - 08:29 AM

I always make sure that my significant other knows that I recyle old gear, so the price of upgrading is much cheaper than simply what the new component costs... Plus, I never ever pay retail for anything. Posted Image
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#23 of 38 OFFLINE   Dalton



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Posted April 30 2003 - 02:04 PM

Just tell your wife/girlfriend/fiance etc. that you got the stuff for a good deal from some guys in a white van. Posted Image

Seriously, when my wife does notice a new purchase(many upgrades have slipped by unnoticed) i just let her do some shopping too. I just buy her off.Posted Image

#24 of 38 OFFLINE   Chris_Cur



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Posted April 30 2003 - 03:31 PM

I'm dying here reading some of you guy's stories. It's funny and tragic at the same time.

The speakers haven't even arrived yet, so I'm not at critical mass yet.

#25 of 38 OFFLINE   ManW_TheUncool



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Posted April 30 2003 - 07:09 PM

Well, I don't really have a problem whenever I do whatever upgrades--not that I spend as much $$$ as many of you guys. I do a mix of all the various "honest" Posted Image things already suggested by others. For me, the main thing is to keep my wife reasonably well informed and that I'm not spending big $$$ on a whim, which I pretty much never do although I do upgrade all sorts of things on smaller budgets from time to time. Also, it helps that most of my upgrades generally benefit the whole family, not just me.

BTW, when I finally upgraded to the new RPTV a few months ago (after having talked about it on and off and sorta planned it for a couple years!), I almost went w/ just a 47" due to the limited size of our new family-room--heck, when I first talked about it a couple years ago, I was only thinking 40-42". And I really wasn't sure a 53" would fit/look ok or the PQ be all that good from the relatively short distance (8ft eyes-to-screen). But she encouraged me to just get the 53" anyway since it was not really that much more expensive and would probably make me happier. Posted Image And oh, the TV's flanked by a pair of essentially floorstanding Vandersteen 2Ci's, so you know my system eats up major space in the smallish family-room. :P) And yes, it does help that she loves to watch movies at home and loves LotR on the big screen. :wink:


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#26 of 38 OFFLINE   KeithH


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Posted April 30 2003 - 11:17 PM

John said:

Keith from all the gear you have I got to say you must ahve a very understanding fiancee, I mean last i heard you had what 4 5 dvd players?

I'd hold on to that woman.

Thanks, I think. Posted Image Actually, I have just two DVD players -- the Denon '3800 and a Sony DVP-C670D changer. Anyway, she is very understanding. That said, I already had a number of components by the time we met. Also, she is a big movie buff, so she is particularly supportive of the purchase of DVDs or home-theater gear. We presently have just a 27" TV in the home theater room, and she is pushing for an HDTV more than I am. Unfortunately, she is more casual about music. She appreciates the sound of my two systems, but it's just not as important to her. Oh well. Posted Image
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#27 of 38 OFFLINE   Kevin Thompson

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Posted May 01 2003 - 12:13 AM

In our family, real or imagined dollar savings can be used to justify almost any purchase. It's crazy, but I can spend $600 on an $800 item which has been marked down 25% with far less spousal wrath than if I spend $300 on something not currently on sale. Go figure.

Another favorite technique is using the layaway plan. This gives the purchase more of a "planning to buy" feel, which goes over better at my house than impulse purchasing. The cost of the item is spread out over time. More important, you can cancel the purchase at any time for a full refund minus a $3.00 service fee--at least at the Army and Air Force Exchange Service (BX or PX) stores.

As others have said, you want to know now how your pursuit of HT perfection will affect your relationship. Be sure to extend the same consideration to your fiance that you want from her. She may well have hobbies that are totally uninteresting to you. That's OK, as long as you support--or at least tolerate--one another's interests.
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#28 of 38 OFFLINE   Randy Brist

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Posted May 01 2003 - 11:32 AM

I got a real chuckle out of reading the posts in this thread. I have been dodging the wrath of my wife for nearly 26 years when it comes to "toys." We had been married one year and in 1978 I bought a Sanyo Betamax VCR from Sears....for about $800. I went to pick it up as it was a special order. I was rehearsing what I was going to say on the way home. I got home and found out Sears had called while I was gone to tell her "our new videocassette recorder" was in.

I shudder to think how much money I've spent on audio video equipment since then. Most recently I wanted the Sony 34" direct-view HDTV. I took her along (something I NEVER do when shopping for big ticket electronics). I got her warmed up on some of the 4:3 sets and then we walked into the home theater area of the local hifi place.....sound angel's chorus....

"I don't like that one's screen shape. I like the other one, it's bigger." You know the rest of the story.

I've got a nice, new, Sony KV-36HS500....(sigh) I wasn't up to the fight this time. But next time....look out, she's stayin' home.


#29 of 38 OFFLINE   Steve Schaffer

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Posted May 01 2003 - 01:11 PM

When my first wife asked "Why do you need a tv with all those jacks in the back" in the late 80s I knew the marriage was doomed.

This was a woman who thought nothing of spending $150 a month on ballroom dancing lessons for herself, but begrudged me the cost of a set of remote control batteries.

I'm 53 now, single and with nobody to answer to and will not accept any partner in the future who presumes to tell me how to spend my own money.
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#30 of 38 OFFLINE   Jorge UF

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Posted May 01 2003 - 01:45 PM

Great beta vcr story randy. Gave me a good laugh. Damn I'm sort of feeling this pressure as well and my girlfriend doesn't live with me yet, but will in August. I try to inform her about the pros and cons of the equipment and try to include her in the decision process. Worked relatively well so far. Does help that I am the money maker.

#31 of 38 OFFLINE   Tony Casler

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Posted May 01 2003 - 03:01 PM

I can't believe you guys have so much trouble with your wives. My fiancee is actually happy when I buy new gear. She loves movies, so anythhing to make them more enjoyable is fine by her. We have an agreement that I am in charge of the gear, and she can decorate however she wants, as long as it doesn't interfere with system performance. I guess I'm one of the lucky few.
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#32 of 38 OFFLINE   Chris_Cur



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Posted May 05 2003 - 02:46 PM

Well, I told her, and it was absolutely no problem whatsoever. Much ado about nothing, I guess.

Considering she's fine with me having the 40" Sony direct view behemoth in our place, I should've guessed speakers wouldn't be a bigger deal.

#33 of 38 OFFLINE   Yee-Ming



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Posted May 05 2003 - 03:15 PM

update: the day I returned the demo unit, the missus naturally knew about it since I carried it down to the car in the morning on the way to work. that evening, when we returned I was lugging a nice new cardboard box with a new unit in it. all she said was, "wah, got a lot of money, is it?", a good-natured rib about finances (we do all right, we're not scraping the bottom of the barrel or anything, but not exactly flush either -- who is in these hard times?)

haven't heard a thing since. hey, it's my money after all, and we're not short on something else because of it. and she recently bought new tennis shoes and a new tennis racket (with her money, of course), so fair's fair, yes? (but then, her racket + shoes were still cheaper than the player...)

#34 of 38 OFFLINE   Paul Stiles

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Posted May 06 2003 - 09:05 AM

Buy her some flowers and say that they threw in the speakers as a bonus.

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#35 of 38 OFFLINE   Ralph B

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Posted May 06 2003 - 12:11 PM

ya.... as someone already said. most woman who arent into HT arent aware of what you currently have and not at all interested too.

i just make sure my wife isnt around when they get here and put them in place of the ones im upgrading and sell the old ones to a friend or ebay before she even gets a clue. if she asks just deny. my wife has no clue.

or better yet when they do ask just tell them you spent 25% of what you really paid for it, and guys....always above anything else never have one account. keep your own checking account and your money seperate then there is never a question.

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#36 of 38 OFFLINE   Dalton



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Posted May 06 2003 - 12:44 PM

Dead on description of how things are done herePosted Image

#37 of 38 OFFLINE   Craig Robertson

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Posted May 06 2003 - 04:49 PM

i have an agreement with the wife:

i can buy anything i like as long as it's not on credit. one side benefit is that there are no problems with telling her that i've bought something new.

#38 of 38 OFFLINE   Till



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Posted May 06 2003 - 09:43 PM

I love these "My wife"-threads! I have read quite a few of them with lots of laughter. I've learned or better had confirmed what I think anyway. Moneywise, everyone puts in what is necessary in common expenses (rent, food, kids etc)proportional to the salary. If you earn 50% more you pay 50% more of the rent. After all expenses that you've agreed are common are paid into a common i.e. third account, you do with your dough whatever you want (if you spend it on mistresses, do it discretely). Be generous: say, even though she profits from your high-end system, it's your expense. She is generous, too, when she buys the beautiful lace lingerie at her expense...

Decoration and placement issues are more difficult. After all you share the space, if you don't have a dedicated room. I think the option of one poster who said she can decorate as she pleases as long as it doesn't interfere with the system is not bad (if she doesn't have a bad taste). But basically it boils down to finding a fitting partner.

I love music and I love contemporary or modern designer furniture (mostly Bauhaus classics and some 80's and avantgarde stuff), I also love my art collection. My speakers are as high as a man, the stereo takes up an entire wall. All other walls are taken by contemporary art work, some of it hard to understand and appreciate for the uneducated eye. I also have cigars that need to be kept at 80 degrees or below. 80 should be warm enough for any human being not to feel cold when not completely naked. All these things are a part of me and I intend on keeping them when I marry. If she loves me she should love these things that are a part of me or at least not spoil them for me. If she says she doesn't like my paintings or she is insensitive to the sound of my stereo/ HT after having heard it, we are not on the same wavelength... she'll be outta there in no time.
There are more women than men on earth, that gives us a certain power aside from the fun or pain we have while we try to choose. I make her enthusiasm for the things I like a prime criterion in the first place.