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Breaking the news of a purchase to your significant other

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#1 of 38 OFFLINE   Chris_Cur



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Posted April 28 2003 - 02:36 PM

Okay, I ordered a pair of speakers the other day (JBL Studio Series 310II). The bad news: I didn't tell my fiancee beforehand. These things are pretty low in the Wife Appreciation Factor, so I'm not sure she's going to be happy. Has anybody had a similar situation? If so, how long were you in the dog house? How did you get out of it?

#2 of 38 OFFLINE   ManW_TheUncool



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Posted April 28 2003 - 03:15 PM

Well, considering that those speakers don't seem all that expensive (maybe $400-500/pair? based on pricegrabber.com), I don't see the $$$ part being a big deal although the size might be. Still, I don't see it being all that difficult to get out of the dog house. Ever seen the recent commercial for Wendy's(?) w/ the woman trapping her fiancee w/ food for bait to go to a wedding expo? Posted Image


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#3 of 38 OFFLINE   Ellen


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Posted April 28 2003 - 09:27 PM

[quote] I didn't tell my fiancee beforehand. [quote]jeez, you're not even married yet and you're already whipped Posted Image

#4 of 38 OFFLINE   David Preston

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Posted April 28 2003 - 09:57 PM

It's a little late now but next time tell her lets spend some quality time picking out some speakers or whatever. You know whats crazy is my wife wanted the 65" rptv instead of the 57" I wanted. Then we have been wanting a bedroom suit since we got married and she said before we get a bedroom suit I think we need to get new speakers. She wants smaller speakers instead of the floorstanding. If you think it will help you get out of the dog house earlier give her a surprise maybe a little money to spend on herself or get her something she would enjoy as much as you enjoy your speakers.

#5 of 38 OFFLINE   AaronJB


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Posted April 28 2003 - 09:59 PM

Quickly put them in your system before she sees and act like they were always there. "Are those new speakers?" "Nooo, of course not."
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#6 of 38 OFFLINE   Jim Williams

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Posted April 29 2003 - 12:09 AM

Since my wife bought me a DVD player for my birthday (the start of my HT obsession) I have added two surrounds (Energy Connoisseur C-1) a subwoofer (DLS-10) and upgraded my DVD to a Panny XP30. She hasn't noticed any of them. My wife seldom notices stuff that does not interest her. When I wanted to get a RPTV I said to her, "remember three years ago when you said to me 'I have a crazy idea, let's buy a new house', well now it is my turn, I have a crazy idea, let's buy a RPTV". She agreed stating that I never ask for anything anyway so why not. She got the house, I got the RPTV. We are both very happy.
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#7 of 38 OFFLINE   Brian Fitterman

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Posted April 29 2003 - 01:04 AM

Money wise, all my "salary" goes into the family fund, as does her's. A long time ago we made the agreement that we can spend our bonus money (when we get it) on anything we want. Between that and a few side jobs I do, I am able to supply myself with electronics to feed my habbit. I would suggest to do something like that. Set the presidence now. If you start asking for it now, she will expect it to be that way forever. I once replaced our 32 inch TV with a 50 inch RPTV without leting her know, it was ballsy, but it worked.
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#8 of 38 OFFLINE   Neil Joseph

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Posted April 29 2003 - 01:27 AM

Do you smoke, or drink? How about giving one of them up and type up a cost savings balance sheet, then explain that this hobby relieves your stress and will prolong your life, no lie there,
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#9 of 38 OFFLINE   MattMB



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Posted April 29 2003 - 01:32 AM

When I pick up stuff I usually use the magic words "It was on sale." or "There was a really good rebate deal." The Infocus X1 was bought under "It has a free extended warranty and a rebate offer that makes it a really good deal." We always talk about the "possibility" of buying something, but the final decision is always mine as to what, when and how much. Of course, it helps that she loves watching movies on the big screen as much as I do. /me goes to install Bass Shakers.

#10 of 38 OFFLINE   Bob McElfresh

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Posted April 29 2003 - 01:59 AM

Use the HT equipment as an excuse to invite friends over for a "Movie party". Let her pick the guests. Make it a habit to do several of these with each new purchase. This will give her something to look forward to when you buy new stuff (even movies). I STRONGLY suggest you pick up the first "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". While simplified, it really helps show that women turn to others to talk/share during times that men want to go off to our "cave" (garage, HT). If you make sure her needs are met, things will go much smoother. PS: another bit of advice - when she comes home and talks about problems with school/work/others, DO NOT advise her how to handle things or solve the problem like you would with a guy.

#11 of 38 OFFLINE   Chris_Cur



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Posted April 29 2003 - 03:40 AM

Oh, I'm not worried about the spending money bit. This is clearly my money I spent, so that's not an issue. My concern was more along the lines of "She's not going to like these big honking speakers sitting in our den." BTW, I have read "Men Are From Mars,...." Unfortunately, some of the biggest fights I've had have come when I've tried to apply the writings in that book to real life.

#12 of 38 OFFLINE   Rich Malloy

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Posted April 29 2003 - 03:53 AM

Unless they're completely unreasonable (in which case, extricate yourself asap), involve spouses in these decisions early. If you don't have a dedicated listening/watching room, then your purchases will certainly effect your shared living space. You need to be respectful of this. I also had to go through the speaker upgrade, exchanging some small bookshelves for much larger towers. The difference is so extreme that I simply couldn't plop them down one day and expect no reaction. My recommendation? Be very agreeable. There's not a damn thing wrong with the speakers you selected, but they're (fortunately) relatively inexpensive and you have many choices in that price-range (and above!). If she balks, be magnanimous and nonplussed. Assure her that there's no way you'll keep them if she really detests them so ("you don't like them? then they're gone!"). Find out what she doesn't like about them and try to find some speakers you can both agree on... "I might not have spent the money on these B&W 802s just for myself, but given that they look so much better with our decor and exude a sense of luxury and style that the ol' JBLs didn't quite attain... well, I guess I can spend that money... for you, dear."
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#13 of 38 OFFLINE   Kevin C Brown

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Posted April 29 2003 - 07:43 AM

We have a rule in our house: My wife can do whatever she wants in any room of the house, except the family room where my system is. That's *my* domain. Posted Image

Flowers never hurt either. Posted Image
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#14 of 38 OFFLINE   Chris_Cur



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Posted April 29 2003 - 07:46 AM

Thanks folks. There's been some good advice so far, which I appreciate. We'll see how it goes. "But sweetie, this will save us the cost of buying a scratching post for the den!"

#15 of 38 OFFLINE   Lewis Besze

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Posted April 29 2003 - 08:00 AM

[quote] We have a rule in our house: My wife can do whatever she wants in any room of the house, except the family room where my system is. That's *my* domain [quote]LOL Posted Image Posted Image
Finally a real manly advice,good for you Kevin!

#16 of 38 OFFLINE   Kevin. W

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Posted April 29 2003 - 10:49 AM

Chris, you learn the hard way like I did many times over. If I want it I have to get it myself since my significant other would never think about getting it for me. She has her hobby that costs $$$ every month where as my hobby has one time purchases. So if she wants to bitch I can come up with some numbers to show her what she spends and what I spend also. One thing I never do it purchase something at times when $$$ is needed for the family. ALso my hobby is for the family to be shared by one and all. ht_addict

#17 of 38 OFFLINE   KeithH


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Posted April 29 2003 - 11:02 AM

I am engaged, but I still tell my fiancee of my intentions rather than buying hardware and telling her later. Given that I have a penchant for buying relatively expensive components (:B), I am better off that way. As an example, I recently bought a Denon DVD-3800 DVD-Audio player, which was my first component purchase in a year. It was an upgrade, as I had a first-generation Technics DVD-A10. I explained to my fiancee why I wanted to make the upgrade and how much the '3800 would cost. The '3800 certainly wasn't her idea of how best to spend $1200 (duh!), but she had no problem with it in the end. I'm not sure how she would have reacted had it shown up at the door without her advanced knowledge. I probably don't want to know. Posted Image
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#18 of 38 OFFLINE   Yee-Ming



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Posted April 29 2003 - 04:46 PM

heh, yes, when I bought an SVS25-31. we were furnishing our apartment (a few months before getting married and moving in), so I bought a new HT system. I had shown her the floorstanding main speakers at the shop, which are relatively short and slim for floorstanders and she had grudgingly accepted those instead of the satellites I had initally said I wanted.

all I said about a subwoofer was in response to her complaint at the shop that "those big black boxes aren't nice", was that I was getting a nice cylindrical one. of course, at that time I myself hadn't seen an SVS in the flesh (in the plastic/metal?) so I didn't think it was really that imposing.

once it came and I set it up, the first time she saw it, we had third parties with us, so after they had left she looked/glared at me and asked "what is that THING?" :b

she griped about it once or twice to visitors (who also noticed "that THING") in the first two months or so, but I haven't heard a peep since. I think she's used to it by now Posted Image

for my next upgrade, a universal player, but she knows it's on the way (I've been demoing one for the last few weeks).

#19 of 38 OFFLINE   RickER



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Posted April 29 2003 - 05:16 PM

My EX thought spending $20 a pay day was to much for my habit. She didnt even want to talk budget. I would have to wait until she went to bed before i brought my $40 of DVDs into the house. So...when a woman has it in her mind she doesnt like anything. You cant win. Shoot i dont even drink, smoke, or do drugs...why cant a guy spend some money for his movies. Thats why we work. Kids are fed, bills are paid, have fun folks! But anyway, id be the last guy that would know how to make a wife happy! LOL

#20 of 38 OFFLINE   John-Miles



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Posted April 30 2003 - 04:02 AM

Keith from all the gear you have I got to say you must ahve a very understanding fiancee, I mean last i heard you had what 4 5 dvd players? I'd hold on to that woman.


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