Your online dating experience... (1 Viewer)

[DeathStar1]

Generally, after you write a woman for the first time, or guy in the ladies case, how long does it take them to write back? How long do you generally wait for them before you delete the sent message and go on looking?

I've tried two dating sites, match.com and EHarmony. Both where terrible with search engines and yeilded no results.

6 months later, I'm trying a new service, and so far, things seem to be going good. People are interested enough to look at my profile. I've received a few spams... but it's better than the other service sites by far in terms of activity...

 

[Chu Gai]

It depends on how soon she expects her money

 

[Holadem]

Perhaps you're just too... um... unique.

In a good way.

Fuck'em, they don't deserve you.

Or something.

--
H

 

[DeathStar1]

Nah, the entire world Deserves me! It would explode without my uniqueness on it

Oh, and is considered bad taste to ask a lady out at work?

 

[Ruz-El]

I've had no luck, mainly because I'm yet to actually pay any site in order to contact people. You see, I'm awesome and a hell of a catch, so they can come to ME damnit!


More truth to this than a lot of people want to realize. I have a cousin whos hooked deep with a gold digger from another country. He sends her money. She comes up to stay with him once a year. He says it's for keeps, but they always have a fight and she goes home. We reffer to it as her summer shopping trip.

My advice: never send money!

 

[Carl Johnson]

I'd say that if you don't get a response within a week then the odds of making a match are somewhere between slim and none. Don't delete any of the messages that you send because there is a chance that she was unable to respond for six months because she was manning the international space station. It's unlikely but keep hope alive

As with fishing if you're not getting any bites then change your bait. I was all but ready to give up on personals when I couldn't get any responses with my first couple of ads but I did some fine tuning. Believe it or not there are women who look for and respond to men's ads. That's how I met my current girlfriend

When writing the ad think about it from the woman's point of view. Tell her what she wants to hear and you just might catch one.

 

[Ryan-G]

I didn't have any luck at all. Got exactly one girl to e-mail me back, which consisted of "We're not a good match". Though I only did it for 1 month, got tired of seeing the same 12 people all the time. Heck, it took 3 weeks for me to get a single response, I was begining to think something was wrong with the E-mail system.

That was on Match.com I then tried True.com and learned the hard way they are a scam. They'll let you sign up over the web, but to cancel you have to call them during buisness hours. Which is something really nice to discover at 10pm on the last day you can cancel the trial. Got smacked for $40 dollars on that one.

 

[Wendy_L]

Neil ~ I feel your pain. I've tried the online dating thing, several times, and I've never been successful. For myself I found it too time consuming. You see someones profile, send them a message, they send a message, you then upgrade to emails...maybe do that for a week or two then suggest a phone call. After about a month you might actually consider meeting in person. And then when you do meet them in person they could be perfectly nice and presentable but there just ain't that spark that you need to consider seeing them again. Ugh, it just got to be too much like work.

I finally decided to leave things up to fate. If I'm meant to meet someone I will meet them. No matter if it's in line at the grocery store, at work (highly doubtful in this place), at a mutual friend's party, or someone just IM'ing me out of the blue.

On a positive note, I do know several couples who have met their significant other online or thru an online dating service. My mom and her boyfriend being one and he's a great guy and they are a great couple together. Very happy. (puke, puke...lol).

Good luck!

 

[DeathStar1]

Heh, I tried the fate thing for 10 years after I got out of hischool. It hasn't worked yet, so now I'm back to the online dating .

You're right about the slow process, but in this case, I'd consider it a cautious process. Case in point. Even though there profile wasn't available currently, I saw a very cute lady online. So, I IM'ed her. After a minute or two, I asked her how she came across this site. She then preceeded to tell me how her ex boyfriend screwed her out of money by having her set up an account so he could send her money and vice versa. She's apparently a model and now over seas for a client. Soon as he got her money, he left. Now her client wants her to do the same with him and she's stuck at the hotel until she pays her bils.

As if that didn't send up red flags, here's the real kicker....'I really wish you could get me out of here, it's too hellish'. so, before she could tell me she's thre president of nigeria and wants to put money in my account, I politley back out of the conversation, told her I didn't have an email, reported her to the site, and they closed down her profile. Guess I wasn't the only one .



On the bright side, I had a very great chat with a lady who shared similair interests with me just this morning. She's a teacher, is living in MASS, but currently in Singapore finishing up some college degree(she's asian, so maybe that's her home country). very down to earth and friendly, so maybe something might be happening here .

Quick Note to Ryan G.

I've seen those True adds all over myspace. I was thinking about signing up, but if they use super suggestive adds like that to lure in people, a lady like that is not someone I'd like to meet. Good looks, yes, but if they dress like that for an add, who knows what they do for a date

 

[MarkHastings]

Yeah, the online dating thing just isn't working for me. I definitely would prefer to meet someone outside of the internet. I just use online dating as an aside thing. I don't put too much pressure on myself because I usually don't get many responses.

For one thing, I do realize that I am kind of picky. With my serachings, I limit to non-smoker, no-kids, never been married. That often limits my matches significantly, but those first 2 things are things that I just can't compromize on.

So now, with the matches that I do get, I have one gripe. Why is it that EVERY single female has to list "Love of Hiking, Skiing, and going to the beach" - ACK! I hate those things and it seems like 95% of the profiles say that! LOL

Now as for the other thing, I know I may get really flammed for this, but the only ones who ever try to contact me are the....ugh, how do I put it delicately....large women?

So that's why I never do well on those sites.

 

[DeathStar1]

Heh, I don't mind the out door activity listings. I love getting out on nice days . What I do find funny, is that 98% of women on these things almost always list, 'no games', or similair statements. It makes it sound like all the profiles where written by one person when you come across that statement . A question for Wendy...while I do have a general idea of what it means, is there a specific thing these women don't want to see when you write them a message if they have that statement down?

Also, I agree with you mark. I have the No Smokeing, No Kids, and never been married settings as well. I'd like to add no binge drinking, no weird peircings, and no tattoos, but that's probably asking to much .

Don't mean to insult anyone with this one,
but considering I am overweight myself at 260, I wouldn't mind going on a date with someone who was equal in weight so long as they had a great attitude and good looking face. But it would probably never lead to anything romantic. After looking at myself in the mirror for so long, I just don't consider fat attractive, wich is why I'm trying to loose it . That's why I generally try to go to the ones that visit the gym regularly .

 

[Wendy_L]

Yeah, you might be asking a little too much there. I consider myself a pretty normal chick but even I have been married (even if it was only for a couple of months) and have a tattoo.

I found myself having a similiar problem with the whole outdoor thing but what I always came across was people who said, "I like to work out", "I like to go to the gym", "I like to keep in shape." Ugh. I make no apologies for the fact that I'm chubby and don't like to work out. The thing is, I know a lot of people lie about this because I have a few female friends who did the online dating thing and they put in their profiles those same statement and I don't think any of them has gone to the gym more than 5x in a year.

Re: fate, I'm 36 yrs old and fate still hasn't stepped in yet. I thought it did once, hence being married for a few months but boy-oh-boy was I mistaken there!

I wish you guys luck in finding the right lady for you. Just don't totally write off the chubby girls. You might be surprised what you find.

 

[MarkHastings]

Wendy, I didn't want to get into a long winded explanation, but I don't mind "Chubby" - in fact, I prefer the "Healthy" look. Oh man, one of my dream girls is Rachael Ray.

I just can't find myself attracted to someone in the 250+ category (which seems to be the responses I get).I got no qulams about the tattoo (got them myself) and I don't exactly rule out previously married women, but I am slightly cautious.

 

[Wendy_L]

Rachel Ray IS NOT chubby. LOL. She's very average sized. I weigh around 170 lbs and I'm chubby.

You know, I thought I would be the kind of girl guys would want to scoop right up because I don't smoke or have kids but that doesn't seem to matter.

*shrugs* Who knows? I've given up trying to figure out how to find that perfect person. Like I said, I've decided to once again leave it in the hands of fate. Who knows, maybe I'm not destined to ever meet anyone. Maybe I'm destined to be that crazy cat lady everyone is afraid to go near at Halloween. If that is my destiny, so be it... just gives me more time for watching all my TV shows.

 

[MarkHastings]

LOL Ok, I won't say no more then.

 

[Holadem]

'the hell? What happened to my man Williamson? .

He is perfect!

--
H

 

[Tim Hoover]

Several years back I did the online dating thing, using Yahoo Personals. I'm a pretty homely-looking guy and all, but I seemed to get quite a few responses. I did meet a girl off there who's been living with me for the past two years

 

[DeathStar1]

Yeah, I tried Yahoo Personals as well. Got one response saying that I seemed like a nice guy, but she was already involved. I also got a response from a very nice overweight woman, but the 'nice face' feature definetley wasn't there.

As far as the no kids goes....I guess I might be able to date a woman with a small baby. But Everyone in my family is still married. It would be kind of awkward to bring home someone who's a single parent, plus I wouldn't know how to handle the fact if they where still friends with the ex, or fighting with them for that matter.. It would be kind of weird for me..

ands of fate. Who knows, maybe I'm not destined to ever meet anyone. Maybe I'm destined to be that crazy cat lady everyone is afraid to go near at Halloween. If that is my destiny, so be it... just gives me more time for watching all my TV shows.
>>>

*Does evil Tress McNeill/Cat Lady laugh*

If the weight descriptions on the site I go to are acurate, and the ladies are being truthfull, I don't think 170 looks all that chubby. That's probably the right size area to be in. If I see someone who lists themselves as 110, or even as low as 80, I start to worry they may have eating/health problems or something.

As Mark stated, it's the 240+ ladies I generally don't find that attractive. Vice Versa, too thin and bones is ugly as well.

 

[Holadem]

Now that's unusual?

For starters, a single parent with a small baby has very little time for anything else.

Mostly, I would say the older the kids, the further the relationship which produced them and it's inevitable emotional baggage ==> the healthier the situation.

--
H

 

[Jay H]

I spend too much time in the woods to really find somebody that would be compatible! And being an engineer, we're all geeks and typically male.

If I could find some lady who is passionate about the outdoors, nature, and the environment, I'd be set, I think the whole match.com eharmony is too generic, there must be some kind of place where active people hang out. Met some really nice friends on the various hiking, biking, paddling boards I hang out in, but friends alas.

Unfortunately, I also dislike large group hikes, or group events and much rather do my own thing which isn't really conducive to meeting women that way. Unless you want to come across as the boston strangler or the unibomber..

Jay