What's the best way to approach the ladies? (1 Viewer)

[Moe Maishlish]

Yeah, but you never know who else farted on the seat before you got behind the wheel...

Moe.

 

[Julian Reville]

Unless you're buying direct from the factory, there's no such thing as an unused, new car.

 

[Mark Sherman]

the thing that has worked for me a couple times. Bring a Kite to the beach.I have one of those Stunt Kites that can do as sorts of tricks. if you can get good at that or just look like you kow what you are doing girls will start talking to you. Or just walk by them after and Make some comment That it was to windy or not windy enough. Boom the conversation starts. But most important and it was already mentioned BE YOURSELF.

 

[Ricardo C]

Not referring to them as "the ladies" might be a good start

 

[Yee-Ming]

Assuming that you want an unused car, don't forget that jumping into a car that is "too new" is illegal...

 

[DustinLC]

The best is to open a conversation with a third party event. Something like:

Wow, he's good isn't he? (seeing someone surf)

That restaurant must be good. Look at the line

Look at that strange cloud formation. I wish I have my camera.

You get the picture. Look around the environment and you'll find something to open a conversation without sounding like you're picking her up. Then you can hit the weather line or other stuffs if she seems to be willing to engage in a conversation. If not, just say have a nice day and move on. But you really have to be able to deliver those line naturally like you're very outgoing and speaks to everyone. If not, develop that skill first by approach almost anyone there and start making conversation: old men, old lady, kids, ect...complement on someone's dog for example. After doing this for a bit, you'll approaching hot babes with the same confidence that you approach an old lady or a child. Then a rejection never seems like a rejection and you're meet one girl after another. I don't see how you can fail if you keep it up.

Remember, just use lines that sound natural for people to start a conversation with like the examples. Don't say stuffs like: nice pair of knockers you have . Or did you just see Godzilla?

 

[Ted Lee]

boy oh boy do i just *love* these threads.

you: "are you from tenessee?"
her: "no, why?"
you: "cuz you're the only ten-i-see"

or, i actually witnessed a friend do this one once.

him: "i would love to f**k you tonight"
her: gave him a stare, took his hand, and said "we'll talk about that later"

floored me i tell ya, but he was pretty studly.

however, neil -- in your case, i don't suggest either one.

how about this -- just be totally honest. no need to come up with some cheesy ice-breaker, or whatever. just walk up to them, and say:

"i noticed you and thought i'd just come say hi."

you're not trying to make up some story, you're not trying to hit on them, you're just trying to start up a conversation. howz that for honesty!

also, try not to let looks be your primary trigger. i hate to say it, and i'm sure i'm being stereo-typical, but the hotties are usually much more critical. it's not that they don't want to talk to you, they're just too worried about their image, what their friends might think, etc. besides, looks fade and their looks may intimidate you.

i don't subscribe to the "practice on the ones you have zero interest in" theory either. that's just being cruel. would you like it if someone "practiced" on you?

yeah, you may crash and burn a few times ... but so what. it's not like you've lost anything and who knows what you could gain ... right?

 

[Ryan Tsang]

I think having to pre-meditate the approach is lame. As others have said, confidence is the ONLY "technique" you need. f**k the muscles, dogs, kites, one-liners.....

Confidence is what makes you interesting, radiant, and approachable. Be yourself and maybe they'll approach you! If they're not interested, you don't need to waste your precious time on them either.

Interestingly, confidence is also what keeps your heads up in the event of rejection. Either way, you win!


P.S. I hate women who play hard-to-get. I'm too proud to chase. I'd rather not have them than degrade myself. And I'm engaged to a beautiful blonde, so I'm not just talking out of my ass.

 

[Mike Broadman]

Yes. It's kinda fun, and chatting with a strange beautiful woman always cheers me up.

 

[DustinLC]

See, I always here the suggestion of be yourself. I'm sorry to say that in real life like getting a job, getting a promotion, successful with girls, being popular and likeable, atheletic, ect.... , for many, being yourself just don't do it. If it's a simple as that, no one will have problem wih anything. Some people are natural at successful of all these things but they weren't borned with such ability.

I know the advices given here about being yourself mean don't do anything that's out of your character, thus looking silly doing something unnatural. This does not apply to the originally poster because I don't know him, but someone who have problem with girls (again, not about the poster), might be very unappealing being themself be it he talks funny, has body odor, trash comes out of their mouth when they speaks, or just too shy to talk. Thus, that person needs to develop skills and make changes to themself. In my opinion, such a makeover is not being yourself. Using a line is not cheesy if it's part of your nature to conversate with people naturally and talking to people. If it comes off that way, a rejection is not a rejection and you can keep on doing it until you meet someone. However, being honest and show that you're trying to pick them up is the wrong approach unless you're Tom Cruise. This approach will only discourage someone with girl problem to never give it another effort after a rejection.

So I stand by my recommendation to just talk to strangers whereever you go so you can feel natural to talk pretty much to anyone. It's an easy skill to learn and it's a good way to see how people who are interested in having a conversation with you respond. Do it for a week at this area you hang out and you'll be natural at it.

 

[Ted Lee]

but that's the crux of the problem. it's not natural for him to talk to women (i'm assuming...) -- so if he starts using a pretense to talk to them, now he has to do "double the work".

now, not only does he have to keep up a "fake" conversation, but he has to try to be natural and charming. sheesh...i can't do that with my wife...not much less a stranger.

 

[Holadem]

Sure. Only that the guy pretty much asked: "How do I get confident talking to women?". Your answer: "Be confident". Really helpfull

Do you really think hearing "be confident" is gonna make the original poster less nervous next time he sees a girl he likes? These things don't happen with the flip of a switch.

Fact: He is _not_ confident, or else thing thread wouldn't be here. Question is, how does he get there? Confidence, when it's not innate, must be gained. As far as I know, the only to get confident at ANYTHING is through practice.

I am no expert, but this "be confident" business is a bit of a pet peeve. It's completely useless.

--
H

 

[DustinLC]

That's why I suggested getting use to talking to almost anyone and get to the point where you're not faking but just being friendly. When I'm in an environment such as the one he described, I can say dozens of things to start of conversation and none of it would be fake. Learning to approach stranger naturally (avoid hot babes at first ) will develop the confidence you're recommending. Don't use lines that refer to her at first or yourself or else it'll come off as a pickup line. As guys we all know that rejection is the death of the confidence and it's the last thing the poster needs. Natural conversation in a friendly way will get you the feel of whether someone is interested or not without an actually rejection.

But again, the key is that it has to be in your nature to talk naturally. Practice with people. I'm sorry to say to if you want to pick up stranger you like, it's the approach. If it's impossible for you to develop this skill, you will just have to wait till work or school or a more conveneint situation to meet girls .

 

[Bob Turnbull]

Absolute agreement, but I think most people's advice to "practice" on other people is based around just friendly chatting - practice how to be open and comfortable talking with a stranger and see if you can generate an actual conversation. Nothing to do with asking for a date or even basic flirting. Just get used to talking with new people.

When it comes to doing this with someone where there is a potential romantic interest, the persuing of that initial attraction will flow naturally if you are more at ease with the art of conversation.

 

[Leila Dougan]

I would pick a man that has any of these characteristics than one that comes across as "cool" or "suave". I want a man with personality, not someone who's slicker than a used car salesman and spewing cheesy come-ons.

It depends on what you want in a woman, I guess. I want someone who can have intelligent conversation, who is not afraid to laugh at himself, and who is honest and trustworthy. If that takes being with a man who stutters and jumbles words during the first conversation, than so be it. In the end when you're in a long term relationship with someone, there's no pretenses. It's just you. And the other person knows and accepts everything about you. In fact, it's all those idiosyncrasies that make the other person even more attractive.

If you're trying to pick up a person who can't handle your oddities, then the relationship is just going to fall apart. All that acting has to come undone at some point and usually the aftermath of that is more disasterous than being honest from the beginning. Now, if you're looking for a quick lay and have no intention of actually forming a real relationship, by all means put on your mask and be whoever you want to be.

 

[Zen Butler]

Along with the devious but effective "purse-snatching" technique. I do have some practical break the ice moves.(He said, "moves")

Most people love to laugh:

Break out into an impromptu dance

Are you any good at pratfalls? This is for experts only, but has a near 100% success rate.


Otherwise, listen to H, for he is about the only cat here making any sense. "Be confident" is the equivalent of "Just Say No!." Practice does make near perfect. Talk to all people. Starbuck's, supermarket, Barne's and Noble, the park etc. You'll start noticing people recognizing you, and they perk up a bit when you come in. You're making progress. Got to have action. You'll start to notice something; that you could have had a date with that attractive Starbuck's Barista two years ago. If you would've just opened your mouth.

H- said:


Word up. This is about as solid as it gets. I would only add, be yourself when talking. Don't run that old-school rap. (Leila brings up a good point, that car salesman game is old and tired)

Here, on the "boulevard of cars", salesman are getting fired left and right for being "too salesmany." It's over. In with the new.

 

[DustinLC]

Leila, easy for you to say

Us guys have to have something to start off with in first meeting. You might be wiling to accept those flaws such as body odors and oddities you speak of, but only after you find something interesting in the guy first. We're talking about first meeting here. If he can't talk, he's ugly, he smells when you first meet him, how will you even get a chance to like the guy to accept those flaws?

With nothing else to start off with but words, it's all in that. Once through the conversation you learn more about him, you might accept all those other flaws and even his planned approach in meeting you if there was one. So in the end, you got no chance with the guy if he never approached you in a likeable way.

 

[Leila Dougan]

The thing is Dustin, is that you really DON'T have to have something to start off with. It's a myth. Some girls may take the bait, but there are plenty of us non-shallow girls who don't care.

I give every guy a chance. Honestly. I've been on a zillion first dates and almost as many second dates. Not nearly so many third dates. But usually by that point, you can tell. I can't think of one single guy I've turned down after less than 30 minutes of conversation.

And everything a guy does, even if not intended, comes off as contrived. Guys can be so preoccupied with sounding cool that they inadvertantely turn away the girls that might most be interested. For instance, I started dating my husband after discovering we both bought the same exact video card to put in the new PCs we were building. If all he did was try to be cool and come on to me, I would have ditched him in a heartbeat. It turns out, he's exactly what I was looking for and didn't even know it.

He had NO idea I was into computers, let alone builing my own system. I don't look that part whatsoever. But that's the trick, you never know who you're going to be talking to. If you're really into HT and the girl hates it, how viable would the relationship be anyway? But if you take the chance and mention it and you discover that she has similar interests, well, you've just made yourself all the more appealing.

So let me ask you this, in all seriousness. . . Do you expect girls to put in all this effort when talking to guys?

 

[DustinLC]

Seriously, tell us how to pick out a girl out of the crowd that you don't need to have any sort of appeal whatsoever to pick them up?
Besides a hooker of course .

 

[Lew Crippen]

Actually I have been surprised all of my life to realize that girls looked past the ‘cool’ or ‘good-looking’ part and actually made the effort to get to know guys before rejecting them. Of course, this is in part not a completely valid observation because the girls that I went out with, were the ones who looked past my non-handsome, non-cool exterior.

The ones who rejected me based on not being tall (for example) I never got to know in any case. Still, I think that girls are more likely to give a guy a chance, than the other way around.

Even today, I can’t figure out what attracts girls. I’ve just always been happy that some (for whatever the reason) were attracted to me.