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The eternal Family Guy Quotes thread (1 Viewer)

JohnS

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Stewie: Yes, by all means, turn me into a child star, then I can go to Californ...I....A and rangle me a threesome with the Olsen Twins!
or this one...
Stewie is throwing a thantrum in his crib.
Stewie: Alright Claus where's the wire? Where is it? Show yourself Claus!
Lois in the other room
Lois: Stewie, go back to bed.
Stewie: This doesn't involve you Lois!
Lois: Don't make me come in there!
Stewie: Don't make ME come in there!
 

Gui A

Supporting Actor
Joined
Dec 25, 2000
Messages
596
Brian's sitting at the bar, stewie comes to get him...

Stewie: Oh, here's a pleasant sight, cirrhosis the wonder dog.

Brian: (slurred)I'm not, I'm not drunk.

Awright?

I-I just have a speech impedement.

(vomits)

And a stomach virus.

(falls from stool)

And an inner ear infection.
 

NickSo

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Peter and Lois at the 'WOODY' awards:
(paraphrased)
Stranger: hey baby, you got a nice wiggle, have you ever thought of a little Girl-Girl action?
Lois: PETER!
Peter: good luck pal, i've been barking up that tree for 15 years
:laugh:
 

NickSo

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This was a few weeks ago, so i forget exactly what happened
Stewie: I'd talk to you if you werent such a bitch
and
Stewie: Oh that is SOO fresh, you're using the line to The Weakest Link, out of context... to insult... me! How clever, that is just sooo fresh, i've never heard anybody say that! etc etc etc...
:laugh:
c'mon! bump... lets make this last forever, since family guy isnt gonna be holding on much longer :frowning:
 

Derek Miner

Screenwriter
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Feb 22, 1999
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1,662
I'm catching up on my taped episodes of Family Guy. I just watched the nudist episode last night. Two things stick out in my memory...

When the kids in the mall are taunting the nudist boy: "My father's a tailor!"

And when Peter and Lois are going nude to show their support and Chris walks in: "Hey, why's everybody else naked?"

Oh yeah, Nick, the Weakest Link spiel was great...

"Do you have any Titanic references you want to try?"

I love how they just stretch those things out... they get funnier the longer they hold.
 

JohnS

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The sign outside the Workplace Sensetivity Training meeting says:
"Tomorrow: Dyslexic Film Society Presents Chevy Chase in Feltch"
 

Mike Broadman

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Lois: "I'm not wearing any underwear."

Peter: "That's alright, we can always get a new chair."

If someone could get a transcript of the Oompa-loompa song about the guy in the wheelchair- that was one of the funniest things ever.
 

NickSo

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Im gonna give this a bit of a bump.. hopefully with the publicity of the new DVD itll get some replies :D
 

Mike Broadman

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"I've been adopted by a Benetton ad!"

The commentary for one of the episodes on DVD clears up the title song lyric: it is indeed "laugh and cry."
 

Darren Davis

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Oct 9, 2001
Messages
248
oh my, I'm in tears remembering all of these quotes. Is there a Family Guy website equivalent to snpp.com for the Simpsons?

"What do you think of the one you call 'God'?

Isn't His absence slight-ly odd (maybe He's forgotten you)"

I won't post the whole lyrics because I don't want to offend anyone or break any forum rules.
 

Stacy Huff

Second Unit
Joined
Jul 13, 1999
Messages
378
That's interesting. I always thought that Stewie said "Laugh and cry" in the opening sequence, but while watching a tape I made with the closed captioning on, when it got to that point the caption said, "effing cry." I couldn't believe it! I hope I still have that tape. I taped a later episode, and the captions had changed to "laugh and cry." If you have the DVD, it may be worthwhile to watch with the captioning on just to see if they slipped something in.
 

Mike Broadman

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Stacey, closed captioning is often incorrect and faulty. I believe they're usually done by a third party, so if someone heard it as "effin' cry," that's what goes in.
A great Family Guy site is www.familyguyfiles.com
I've been visiting that one a lot since getting the DVDs. It helps fill in the gaps for all those references I don't get.
 

James Davis

Agent
Joined
Apr 13, 2003
Messages
43
(Stewie and Brian selecting a vehicle to steal.)

Stewie: Ok we need some wheels.

Brian: This one's unlocked.

Stewie: An SUV. We're trying to elude someone not take the kids to soccer practice. Let's take this one

Stewie giving his eulogy "I never knew biscuit as a dog but I knew her as a table. Steady, all four legs the same length."

(Chris on the phone.)

Chris: "What are you wearing? ...oh I bet you can see through that."

Meg: "Who are you talking to?"

Chris: "Grandma."
 

Ian_H

Supporting Actor
Joined
Aug 6, 2001
Messages
569
Probably one of the most "un-p.c." quotes that cracked me up is when he sees that Joe is in a wheelchair:

"Holy Crip! He's a crapple!"
 

NickSo

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I forget which episode its from, but here's what happened:

*A mob is about to attack peter*

Peter: Hey look its bigfoot

Bigfoot: hey hey hey, this is your problem, not mine

(paraphrased, of course)
 

Dan Rudolph

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Peter is shopping for potty trainign books

Clerk: We have the ever-popular Everbody Poops as well as the less popular Nobody Poops but You.

Petter: Well, see we're Catholic, so...

Clerk: Then you'll need You're a Dirty, Wicked Child and That's Concentrated Sin Coming Out the Back of You.
 

Nigel McN

Supporting Actor
Joined
Oct 23, 2000
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originally the audio was 'effing cry', completely clear it was changed later. It was a "hey they changed it!" moment when I first heard it.
 

JohnS

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family watching a Pawtuchet Beer commercial,(with two girls rubbing sun lotion on each other)

ANNOUNCER: "Pawtuchet Patriot Beer, if you drink it, hot women will have sex in your backyard"

SAME EPISODE

PETER: "At least I'll be the fattest guy who won a boat."

Camera pans over to the neighbors house with Fat Albert looking at a letter

FAT ALBERT: "Hey!, Hey!, Hey! I'm gettin a boat."

PETER: "Ah, man..Even Della Reese is getting a boat.
 

Greg*go

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jun 14, 2002
Messages
941
Chris is on diving board..

Stranger: Hey, you can't park your car up there.

Peter: That's not my car, it's my son.

Stranger: Oh (looks at wife), honey, it's not a car, it's just some fat kid. Jeez you're fat, aren't ya... fatty fat fat fat.
 

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