help with dealing with my brother (1 Viewer)

[Scott Strang]

I can't believe this shit I'm reading here.

 

[Michael Pineo]

Leila-

If your brother is truly suffering from depression, I hope someone can convince him to give counseling another shot, as well as medication if that is suggested. I have suffered from depression my whole life, but was only recently diagnosed. I can't even begin to express the improvement in the quality of my life since I broke down and finally accepted the idea that I needed help with this. I wish I had done it years ago.

I hope things work out well for you. It is hard to turn your back on family, but it is just as hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Hopefully, as your brother matures, he will realize that he does need help. Unfortunately, most people still have a lot of maturing to do at his age.

MikeP

 

[Malcolm R]

Sounds like your Mom will never do what's necessary to get her baby boy to grow up. For your own sanity, I think you need to wash your hands of them both.

Medical discharge...yeahhhh, riiiight.

 

[Alex Prosak]

Nope. I classmate of mine from high school joined the Air Force after graduation. She couldn't deal with basic and was given a medical discharge. She told the psychologist she was depressed and sometimes felt suicidal, they got rid of her really fast after that. Fact of the matter is she was really looking for a quick way out and she found it, or so she told me.

Leila, I truly feel sorry for the crap your bro is putting your family through. I'm sorry to see that your mom is accepting him back in her house, the pampering will do nothing for him in the short or long run.

 

[Jason L.]

Leila,

I wanted an update to know what happened to your brother. After working as a contractor for close to 4 years in Kuwait/Afghanistan and never being in the Armed Forces I can say one thing based on everything I have heard from other people and have seen with my own eyes.

It is much, much better to enlist in the Air Force instead of the Army.

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

While many of the situations raised in this thread could be true in your situation, the other is that you have a 17 year old who simply needs to grow up. He is not an adult, no matter what he or anyone else thinks, and all of these problems could simply be a combination of immaturity, frustration, boredom, rebeliousness and lack of direction - which I don't think is all that uncommon for that age. I know that it is easier to try and come up with a medical explanation for irrational behaviour, but sometimes all of these things are just part of growing up, including the violent outbursts, depression, and lack of motivation. Just deal with them as best you can without over reacting and it is quite possible he will turn out all right. He is still a kid after all.

 

[Jimi C]

Looks like he's around 20 now. And it also looks like Leilas last post on this board was over a year ago.

 

[JonZ]

Hope shes ok

 

[Paul Padilla]

I only just now saw and read this thread. Leila, I hope all is well.

FWIW, things are rarely as simple as, "He nees to grow up" or "He needs medication" It sounded like Leila had a lot of first hand information that her brother felt bad about his behavior and wanted to change. I have to admit that I considered the homosexual angle regarding his story too but that's the problem with behavior like this. There are so many things it could be, but in the end it could actually be nothing (I.e. grow up). I had an incident with my sister and her grown daughter and my advice at the time was to stop picking her up when she calls at the drop of a hat. A councilor advised her to establish some boundaries, but don't leave her out in the cold. They still need to be able to trust someone.

Tough love doesn't necessarily mean turning him out into the cold. I would think that compulsory psychologist visits and closely monitoring any resulting prescriptions could be a condition on him coming home. Closely monitoring meaning the parents keep the medication under lock and key and dispense it and watch him take them just as it would be for an in-patient. Getting rid of his video games would have to be part of that bargain as well. I have nothing against them...even the violent ones...but 14 hrs a day isn't healthy. Heck...2 hours every day isn't healthy.

Looking to Leila's parents doesn't have to be about blame. The purpose is to find information about his upbringing that helps deal with the situation at present, not to assign fault. From what I read this was a problem much farther back than just the last few years.

Again, Leila...I hope all is well.