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Girlfriend Broke up with Me. Monday.

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Mark Sherman, Apr 12, 2008.

  1. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Well-Known Member

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    Hello all.


    I meet this girl a year ago( feb 2007) at one of my comedy shows. We got each others email and phone numbers and talked a few times But never really went out since I worked retail and had no time to ask her out. I Kind Of put her in the back of my mind of I should have called her more or atleast asked her out.


    Fast Forward to Christmas 2007. She calls me and leaves me a message wishing me a a merry one. I waste no time to pick up the phone and call her its as if we had been friends for years when we talked. A month later we were dating.



    Everything was going well. we would spend weekends together go to the beach ( she lives on the cape) Go for drives, make each other dinner the whole Nine yards. She is great she is smart funny and Just a great all around person.


    This past Monday I get a phone call fromher saying that she cant do this anymore and that her heart is not in the same place as mine. Come to find out that from the time we met and when she called me she dated a guy who really $%^$ ed her over. I guess she hasnt really gotten over him yet.



    Now I do have to mention that she is a single mom with 2 awesome kids she works 40 hours and goes to school part time and next simester looks as if it is going to be more involved.


    Im thinking she has too much on her plate right for me right now. She sent me an email saying that she is going to call me and explain more in detail on why she did what she did.


    I like this Girl alot and I do want to have her in my Life.


    what advice if any can you guys/girls give me to get through or possibly maybe get back together with this amazing person.


    the one thing she did tell me when she dropped the bomb was "I was a very funny and smart man. for what it us worth I guess that means something.



    thanks in advance
     
  2. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Well-Known Member

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    Chicks, who needs 'em?

    Now you can concentrate on that new business, no distractions.
     
  3. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Well-Known Member

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    yeah I know but she was/is just a great person.



    BTW the new business is starting to pick up some speed. I calibrated 3 sets at ones clients house last week. I Just spoke to some of my buddies who work at a local store who are more than willing to get me Business.
     
  4. TravisR

    TravisR Well-Known Member

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    I know it's a cliche but I think the best advice is to find something else to throw yourself into. You've got your business up and running, just spend your time concentrating on that for now. I know it's another cliche but you'll eventually find someone else.
     
  5. gene c

    gene c Well-Known Member

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    I've got to be the last person who should give this kind of advice, but if she does call back, just be honest with each other. If you're not, it won't work out anyway. If it turns out not to be, then keeping busy helps but time is the only cure.
     
  6. troy evans

    troy evans Well-Known Member

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    After reading your post Mark, one thing she said stands out. That's when she said her "heart wasn't in it right now." If that's the case, then, there's nothing you can do. It sounds like you gave your all in the relationship and she wants something else. That's not your fault and if I were you I would move on and if she does come back, tell her you would like to be just friends. Keep your head up, no one is worth begging for. No matter how happy they make you feel. Take Care, Guy.
     
  7. RexFish

    RexFish Member

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    There's this book for chicks called "He's Just Not That Into You" which actually has a pretty good overall message. Bottom line the message is this (aimed at girls but works for guys too)...you are an amazing person who deserves a partner that gives you the same love and attention you give them. If they have things in their life that are more important than you or if their "heart is in a different place" then it's their hang up and you deserve more.

    It's hard to get broken up with, but you deserve someone who sees how great you are and wouldn't in a million years give you up for anything. If she's willing to let you go, then in the long run she's probably not the one that's going to make you happy.
     
  8. JohnRice

    JohnRice Well-Known Member

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    Mark, I have to disagree somewhat with the last few comments. Sometimes it just isn't the right time. Clearly for her, now is not the right time. Of course, it may never be the right time, but there is no reason to close the door because of this. I'm not saying to wait around. Just don't close yourself off to the future either. Of course, if she comes back and then does this again, it's probably a sign of a bad habit and time to move on for good.
     
  9. RickER

    RickER Well-Known Member

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    I had a similar thing happen. Only she was seeing other people, even though she told me she was just seeing me. I got really worked over by the woman i was seeing. Had my guard down, and she had a good act. I still think about her, and its been 5 years. BUT, i have a really amazing woman in my life now, and we have been together 4 years. I couldnt ask for more.

    I guess you could send flowers, call in a week or two. But know, its probably over. Do you have kids Mark, ever been married? If you want kids for instance, and she doesnt...i can see that as an impasse.
     
  10. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Well-Known Member

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    her B day is coming up at the end of the month and i was just thinking about sending her a card or a nice thoughtful gift.



    what do you think
     
  11. willyTass

    willyTass Well-Known Member

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    never ask yourself "why did she leave me?"

    ask yourself "why couldn't I leave her?"


    her reason for leaving you was the opposite of yours
     
  12. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Well-Known Member

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    will that is one of the best things that I have heard pertaining to this



    thanks man
     
  13. troy evans

    troy evans Well-Known Member

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    Mark, what have you decided you're going to do? All too often in relationships when people ask others for advice they have already made thier minds up as to the course of action they intend to take. They end up asking for advice more to find people who agree with them rather than consider advice that may not be what they want to hear. All too often those same people say to themselves, "man, I wish I took that advice." Another thing that strikes me odd is, why did she wait 10 months to get back up with you? It seems possible that the bad relationship she was in could have fell into that time frame. For all you know that relationship could have been going on when she met you. As far as sending her a gift, I don't see anything wrong with that. I wouldn't make the gift romantically involved or anything of that nature. The bottom line is, this woman was involved with you for four months. You put your heart in the relationship and she more than likely didn't. She has decided what's best for her and has asked you to understand. That's fine. You need to worry about what's best for you now. If your love wasn't enough that she could walk away, then, give it to someone who will appreciate it. No matter how you look at this and try to justify it, she's pretty much made her decision on this relationship and she has alot to worry about from what you said. Maybe this will work out in a few years, but, are you going to wait around? What about other women you're bound to meet. Isn't it possible that the person for you may still be out there and this woman wasn't the one? I'm a firm believer that as long as you do what you can things work out the way they should. Not the way you want, mind you, but, the way they should.
     
  14. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Well-Known Member

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    I have decided that I am going to accept the fact that we are broken up and if she needs some time of to recover from that last relationship fine. I am not mad at her I am just confused. She would email me at 6 in the morning or call me at 6 as well just as i was leaving for work. She left me a voice mail of her rendition of Love song By Sara Barellis ( sp) She would ask if i was staying over for the weekend so we could wake up next to each other then BOOM!!!!!!!!! " I cant do this anymore.


    as I stated before she has a full plate and adding me to the mix must have been a bit scary
     
  15. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Well-Known Member
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    I can understand your confusion. Usually a person's actions are indicators of their actual feelings. From what you describe it sounds like she really wanted to be over this other person and did everything she thought she should do to be in a relationship with you, but ultimately she wasn't being honest with herself about what she was ready for and truly capable of giving. Sometimes we want to be ready for something or somebody else more than we actually are. Ironically, you may face the same thing as you move on from this; not that it should stop you - it just kind of stinks for everyone, so you have my sympathies.
     
  16. Lew Crippen

    Lew Crippen Well-Known Member

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    The next boyfriend or girlfriend after a major, failed relationship usually pays the price for that failure. Rebound relationships don’t often work out well.

    My sympathies. Just make sure that you don’t wind up with a new girlfriend that you are using to try to work out what happened with the last one (this is of course much easier to advise than to accomplish).
     
  17. drobbins

    drobbins Well-Known Member

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    I don't have any advice, just my personal experience. My last girlfriend just broke up with her boyfriend a week before I met her. We went out a few times and she would remind me that she didn't want to get involved again too soon. She didn't want another relationship. But each time I dropped her off, should would always ask when will we see each other again. So I took that as she still wanted to have a relationship even though she didn't think she did. We have been married 17 years now.[​IMG]
     
  18. Bob Graz

    Bob Graz Well-Known Member

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    Give her the space she wants and see what happens over the next 30-60 days. In that time she may reconsider what she had and want you back. If that doesn't happen then more than likely it is over.
     
  19. Eric_L

    Eric_L Well-Known Member

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    No birthday cards, no emails, no phone calls. Cut her off completely. If she can't take it she can't take it. If she were to respond then either she will be unhappy for doing so, or you will have reinforced an unpleasant habit. On the off chance she reaches back out to you - make her sweat it - she has to re-earn your trust and confidence.

    It is hard when you are hurting, but stay in control of yourself and the situation. You can't control her, but you can control your reaction to her. Keep your dignity and wits about you and things will work out in your favor - just not how you may expect.

    I'd be willing to bet that you will eventually find material in this for work...
     
  20. Jeff Gatie

    Jeff Gatie Well-Known Member

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    Best. Advice. Ever. The last thing you want to lose in this situation is your pride (speaking from experience on both ends of the spectrum). You might be losing her, but if you keep your dignity and pride, how exactly are you losing?

    Besides, if you don't go all "lost puppy" on her, it'll drive her crazy. [​IMG]
     

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