Charmin Toilet paper blows away Quilted Northern! (1 Viewer)

[Patrick Sun]

As I sat on the john this morning, and stared at the TP (Charmin's BTW) in my hand as I commence the wipeage, I got the giggles. A grown man sitting on the john getting the giggles just doesn't happen everyday.
Who do I send the psychiatrist bill to?
------------------
PatCave ; HT Pix ; HT Gear ; Sunosub ; Pat's DVDs ; Link Removed

 

[Parker Clack]

Pat:

Who do I send the psychiatrist bill to?

Chris Maynard. Who else? He started this thread all on his own and is responsible for the miriad of giggles on the toilet that have come from this.
Now let's go wipe some ass!
Parker
------------------

For problems with the forum functions send me an [email protected]

 

[Chris Maynard]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!
I thought I was the only one getting the giggles on the throne!

 

[Neil White]

What's wrong with wire wool? Home Depot's own brand works wonders. No traces left after using that stuff.
I'm hoping my brother's looking-in as he's an expert in this area...
Neil

 

[Mike Voigt]

Let's not forget the history of the AssMaster units.
They actually take a look at the ass about to sit on them and determine the best wiping methodology. This is based on a rudimentary scan of the initial stream, which includes certain embedded particulars.
Unfortunately, one particular group of asses did not turn in their specifications in time, so the first generation of the AssMaster units could not determine when these asses were presented to it, and tried multiple ways of handling the incoming stream. None of these worked well, of course, and ended in massive, vociferous complaints by this group of asses.
Now that the particulars of the stream are known, the newer units can handle all of the incoming asses with aplomb.
However, on the horizon is already the newest kind of ass - one with no compression losses. The company producing the AssMaster has announced that it will soon be coming out with their AssMaster2000, which is supposed to handle the extremely detailed streams from the new kind of ass. However, they have yet to acquire poopularity.

Mike

 

[Philip Hamm]

Chris:
------------------------------------
Now people are blaming me for talking sh*t!
------------------------------------
This is much better than have it come out your nose any day.

I can vouch for that

(damn you wouldn't believe the hazing it takes to become an Admin on this blasted Forum).
------------------
Philip Hamm

circa 2000

 

[Trevor Schell]

I sure hope this one is archived..

------------------
Trevor

Link Removed

 

[Chris S]

Newbie Question:
Do I need a special rung with Charmin decoding to be able to enjoy the advantages of Charmin or can I still use my old Northern rung? Thanks, Chris
------------------
Link Removed

 

[Bill Slack]

ROFL.
Thanks for making me laugh guys. We needed something to lighten up this place lately!

FYI, at Costco they sell the one of the best Charmin setups I've ever seen. Keep in mind you need a good setup, that gets a LOT of use, to really appreciate.

 

[Jim Kilgour]

The DTS LD versions of Charmin and Quilted Northern are actually the best..... I personally use Star Trek toilet paper because it wipes out the Klingons......

 

[Jeffrey G. Bane]

And the people beginning and contributing to this thread somehow feel superior to the so-called JSP? Now *THAT'S* what is really funny.
Jeff

 

[Ike]

I just picked up a Muchaco, and though it's no bean burrito, I expected more LFE (Low Fart Emissions) and Use of the Rears. I think I got cheated, or Taco Bell needs to give this one a new overhaul!

 

[Steve Peterson]

Oh crap! (Expression, not literally) Did any of you read the announcement from Toilet City? They are introducing a new kind of toilet paper holder called HolderX. It seems to be some kind of Pay-Per-Wipe scheme.
It looks like a normal TP holder, but has added features that allow it to use the new HolderX TP. The HolderX TP does not work in the standard holder, but you can use standard TP in the HolderX holder. When you use the HolderX TP, you will be charge $.49 for the use of that TP, but you can use it as many times as you want for 48 hours. It will cost you an additional $.29 to use some more of the TP, but again, only for 48 hours. You can buy the whole roll for a one time charge of $4.98 (Called the Silver Option) but you can only use it in that HolderX holder that it is currently in. Taking it over to your friends HolderX holder will start the $.49 charges to his account. Once a month the HolderX device will dial up the Toilet City mainframe and charge your credit card for whatever you used for the month. If the HolderX device cannot call home, it will shut off use of the HolderX TP.
Toilet City has contracted with all of the holder manafacturers to add HolderX capability to them, and is working with new home builders to start putting them in at the time the house is built.
I don't know about you, but this new Pay-Per-Wipe scheme has me broiling mad. Soon, we will not be able to get Open TP anywhere, because the TP makers only make TP in the HolderX format. We must band together and stop this scheme to empty our wallets at once.
Steve "Supporting Open and Free TP" Peterson
------------------

 

[Ike]

Humor? What is this humor you speak of? scoffs

Crappy attitudes if you ask me.

 

[Jonathan Perregaux]

Man, two swipes would leave sh*t streaks in all my garments. I wipe until I can see my reflection in the blood that has pooled on the matted tissue.
By the way, a few years ago Mr. Whipple nearly had to use his fingers because they stopped shipping his lifetime supply of Charmin:
Mr. Whipple Nearly Runs Out of Charmin
December 31, 1995
CINCINNATI (AP) -- Mr. Whipple thought he had lost the roll of a lifetime.
Dick Wilson, the actor who spent 25 years exhorting shoppers to please not squeeze the Charmin, found himself with nothing to squeeze when his free lifetime supply of bathroom tissue inexplicably ended last month.
"They sent me a case or two every month. All of a sudden it just stopped, and I don't know why," Wilson, 79, said Friday in a telephone interview from Henderson, Nev. "I thought maybe I should write them a Happy Christmas card, because maybe they thought I was dead."
A spokesman for Procter & Gamble Co., the Cincinnati-based maker of Charmin, said the company was not aware of Wilson's paperless plight until it was mentioned in a story in Friday's USA Today.
Spokesman Mark Leaf said P&G is not sure why the shipments stopped, but he promised that they will resume immediately.
"It certainly was nothing intentional," he said. "He IS Mr. Whipple, and always will be Mr. Whipple, and certainly we want to make sure that nothing but Charmin goes in his bathroom."
Wilson, who last appeared in a Charmin commercial in 1990, is retired and lives with his wife in Nevada. He said he's still recognized almost daily as the mild-mannered, mustachioed grocer with bifocals and a bow tie.
"People say to me on the streets, `Hey, don't squeeze the Charmin,"' Wilson said. "I tell them, `Hey, you can squeeze whatever you want."'

 

[Patrick Sun]

Support W-I-D-E-A-S-S TP. You'll get the (w)hole coverage.
------------------
PatCave ; HT Pix ; HT Gear ; Sunosub ; Pat's DVDs ; Link Removed

 

[Marianne]

I think we should all re-read the HTF Mission Statement. We must strive to protect the director's original vision.
The first director ("The Human Race - a Work in Progress") decided that we should use a bunch of grass or a smooth rock - so that's what I do. Call me elitist if you like - I don't give a sh*t!

 

[Ronald Epstein]

I will not reduce myself to the level of this thread!

 

[Chris Maynard]

ROTFLMAO!

 

[Greg Stone]

Ditto - ROTFLMAO (referring to picture at bottom of page 3)!!!!

------------------
Greg