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Charmin Toilet paper blows away Quilted Northern!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Chris Maynard, Sep 28, 2000.

  1. Chris Maynard

    Chris Maynard Well-Known Member

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    Charmin Toilet paper blows away Quilted Northern!
    Sure, both get my butt clean but there is a noticeable difference between the two. I can feel a difference with Charmin.
    Charmin creates a better holosonic ass-field with better separation of the cheeks. Northern is just really flat and just can't handle the LFE (loud flatulence emissions). Northern just breaks apart a lets your fingers do the walking. YUCK!
    Oh I can hear it now..."Charmin takes three times the toilet paper to wipe than Northern for the same job!"
    I don't care how wasteful it is! My backside is smiling the whole time!
    I know that everyone agrees that the difference is small but I can tell the difference. I just can't find anyone to conduct a double-blind test for some reason.
    Now I don't want this to turn into another Charmin vs Northern debate (we already have had enough of those!) so let's not make a stink.
    You should let your ass tell you the difference!
     
  2. Craig Robertson

    Craig Robertson Well-Known Member

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    ok, this one actually made me [​IMG]
     
  3. Matthew Chmiel

    Matthew Chmiel Well-Known Member

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    Sure Chris...
    ::quickly dials up the phone number for the mental hospital.::
    [​IMG]
    Anyway, shouldn't this belong in the After Hours Lounge? I don't see what toilet paper and asses have to do with DVDs, LDs, etc. [​IMG]
     
  4. Doug_H

    Doug_H Well-Known Member

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    I have to disagree. I have a very "bright" bathroom by its nature. When you ad to this my Furgison g4000 Quasi flush Bowl I need the flat characteristics of northern.
    I counter the Finger Job I have a double roll system that will wake the neighbors and peel the paint.
    This is just my opinion though.
    ------------------
    The Mischievous Rogue Strikes Again!
     
  5. Bill McCamy

    Bill McCamy Well-Known Member

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    I cannot believe that you are still using paper!!! Baby wipes, or their European counterpart, made for the job,get the grit out smoothly and cleanly. Soft or hard, stool traces are only a memory...
     
  6. Scott D S

    Scott D S Well-Known Member

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    Dreamworks just announced that they'd release the DVD in anamorphic widescreen with DD/DTS soundtracks. Can't wait! [​IMG]
     
  7. Chris Maynard

    Chris Maynard Well-Known Member

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    Well this thread is quickly going down the toilet! [​IMG]
     
  8. Jeff Ulmer

    Jeff Ulmer Well-Known Member

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    This thread bowled me over. Well, I prefer anamorphic Charmins as they are notably better squeezed. Pillows on my butt, that's what I want.
    Man, I'm feeling flushed.
    ------------------
    Zardoz Online | DVD Reviews at digitallyOBSESSED.com
     
  9. Mike Knapp

    Mike Knapp Well-Known Member

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    Im afraid that "Glad He Ate Her" (the summer cannibal movie blockbuster) will be released on the Extra Sheet brand only.
    It was decided that the extra sheets were more important than the increased softness. Unfortunately if you want the softness there must be a reduction in the sheet count. I know the Northern fans will complain but it was determined that there are more "Extra Sheet" enthusiasts than "softness" fans.
    What most people dont realize is that the Charmin is more effecient and will get the job done in less sheets anyway. More effecient is really what is important, softness is not. The subtle nuances of the soft Northern tissue are often lost on non-critical wipers. Sometimes their systems lack the "resolution" to produce material that would allow them to notice the difference betwen the two tissues.
    As we get older we lose some of our control and the extra sheets become important where a younger user may not miss the extra sheets due to his youthful system.
    I would like to do a blind test...but how would I know when it was completed if I couldnt look?
    Mike
     
  10. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Well-Known Member

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    I'm worried about Knapp, this threads been going for half an hour an his ass ought to have shown up by now. [​IMG]
    [edit] I'm really going to have to type faster
     
  11. David Ely

    David Ely Well-Known Member

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    Damn ... that had me spitting water out my nose!!!!! Better get some of that Charmin to wipe it all up [​IMG]
     
  12. Peter Gregg

    Peter Gregg Member

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    Gotta use the unscented cause the scented one makes me sick.
    Pete
     
  13. Scooter

    Scooter Well-Known Member

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    Charmin is better?
    No Shit!
     
  14. Vince Maskeeper

    Vince Maskeeper Well-Known Member

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    But, how do you feel about mustard?
     
  15. Ben Garland

    Ben Garland Member

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    Oh come on. You guys don't know what you are talking about! What are you, newbies or something? Everbody knows that toilet paper is sooooo passé. Discover what the real butt connoisseurs have known for, well, about two days now. Stop living in the past. Charmin? Quilted Northern?
    My ass says "BIDET ES".
    [​IMG]
    Ben
     
  16. Rob Gillespie

    Rob Gillespie Well-Known Member

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    and from Toilet Paper Review
    "The Charmin Coherent Wiping approved paper is outstandingly better in all areas of crevice cleansing. Klingons, dangleberries, winnits and tagnuts are removed with ease and with unparalleled delineated delineation of the aggressive spatial integrity of the holosonic, gut-wrenching cleansing properties. Nothing comes close to the outstandingly superior feeling of invigorating cleanliness and the enveloping lemon-fresh gusset sensation imposed by this state of the art bum wipe. The Quilted Northern version by contrast is an undistinguished mono experience, bereft of wiping impact. However, both wipes are sure to please.
    Wipers Composite Score:
    (Charmin) 5+/5
    (Northern) 1/5
     
  17. Wayne Keller

    Wayne Keller New Member

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    I prefer the the J6p version of asswipe. I paid a lot of money for my big butt and I want it completely covered!
    Make mine a single sheet of Bounty: The Bigger Wiper-upper.
    [​IMG]
    wrk
     
  18. Adam Barratt

    Adam Barratt Well-Known Member

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    I think there's a definite element of psychology at play here. I don't think anyone would argue that Quilted Northern is much more efficient than Charmin, and as far as I'm concerned the extra paper in Quilted is simply wasteful. The only reason people think it's better is that they automatically assume three-ply will always be better than two-ply. What people fail to realise is that the actual number of sheets is irrelevant!
    Of course, the fact that Charmin have (at least in the past, I can't speak for their current practices) secretly embossed their paper before shipping makes any real comparison void. If they're confident that three-ply really is better, why don't they leave the paper unaltered?
    Adam
     
  19. David Sams

    David Sams Member

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    Over here in the UK the situation is further complicated by the provision of extras!
    Charmin are currently offering a free cuddly bear if you buy their version.
    What to choose. Extras or better ass wipage. [​IMG]
    ------------------
    DAVID S - "HAIL HAIL THE CELTS ARE HERE"
     
  20. Jeff

    Jeff Well-Known Member

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    This thread is emBARrASSing me!
     

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