Any profound regrets? (2 Viewers)

[JohnRice]

Excellent point. I think that is probably part of my motivation on starting this thread. The "No Regrets" philosophy also has a sort of "I'm flawless and I don't care what happens to others" mentality to it, which I find rather selfish and weak. Sure there is something to be said for not letting your mistakes drag you down, but denying them is no better. Actually, my ex wife became a spouting proponent of that sort of "My Truth", "Living in the moment" philosophy and took it to such an extreme it became a bigger impediment than any amount of guilt could have been. Plus, it was incredibly tiresome.

ChristopherG, sorry about the situation. I don't have much trouble spilling my guts, so maybe my story will help you, that is, once I tell it.

 

[Ruz-El]

Interesting thread. As far as regrets... I've stacked up so many in my adult life that resulted in my current standard of living, I can't fathom another year off it.

 

[Bob McLaughlin]

I can't think of anything I would call a "profound" regret because I tend to see multiple sides to every situation, the good and the bad. I think I would mostly make the same choices in life, given the information I had at the time. This does not mean I am 100% happy with every facet of my life but I can't pin anything down to one bad decision I made at a given time. Maybe I'm a good decision maker, or maybe I don't blame myself as much as some people blame themselves for what is happening to them in life.

Back when I was struggling to paying off my student loans, I would sometimes wonder if I should have attended a cheaper university! But I can't really say I regretted the decision I made--a lot of good has come out of it.

 

[Greg_S_H]

I took guitar lessons, and a friend of mine came in and knocked over and broke the gumball machine by accident. He started picking up and stuffing gumballs in his mouth in some weird attempt to cover up or clean up or whatever. The music shop owner came out to see what the ruckus was and went ballistic when he saw this going on. For the rest of my time taking lessons, he'd ask me, "Where's that big boy who broke my gumball machine?"

I don't think my friend regretted it, though. Probably doesn't even remember. Your story just reminded me, is all.

 

[Micah Cohen]

I regret going to college. I regret not learning a skill or trade instead. Instead of effing off for four years, resulting in a completely useless degree, I should have learned how to do something like fix HVAC systems, or be an electrician or a plumber. Now I merely work with these skilled technicians (that is, give them money all the time), and they are always some of the happiest people I know. They accomplish something every day. They solve problems. They use their skills. They have "personal satisfaction" on a level I am utterly unfamiliar with. I have cheated myself of skilled success by going to college.

I have cheated myself utterly.

Oh well.

MC

 

[Garrett Lundy]

While I won't go into details, this being a family-friendly website and all, lets just say I regret waiting until I was 29 to start doing what I should have been doing at 18.

Of course if I did start early I would be in a whole 'nuther world of debt right about now...... At least I can say I didn't wait until my 40s like many people in the hobby.

PS: I regret buying that 1972 Plymouth® Duster® with the 383 big block and fiberglass hood. Total money pit. Should have bought a used Toyota®.

PPS: Same for the 4-spd Harley-Davidson® Sportster®. Chicks didn't give a crap about what brand the bike was, so much as I had a bike. I could have bought a 10 year old used Kawasaki® and got just as much felt for a fraction of the price and less headaches.

Things I don't (yet) regret: My 1st tattoo. Even though mom said I would regret it.

 

[nolesrule]

You should regret using all those ®s in your post, unless you are responsible for defending those trademarks for those companies.

 

[mattCR]

Four moments, two of which really haunt me... two of which are just strange.

(1) In college, I dated a girl for a couple years off and on, and it was a good relationship, but I always felt as though she was having issues sorting out her life and she had the -worst- problems of keeping things clean, which annoyed the hell out of me. Six years later, she's on a major TV show as a very popular actress pulling down megabucks and I think "wow. I f*(& that up" But looking at my wife, I'm OK.

I wrote down the next three and realized two of them are the kind of thing I regret enough I'd never say in public, because they could hurt the other person involved, even if I faked names. One of them, though, isn't much a regret as still one of those things that gets me blind furious years later.

Surprisingly, one regret I'll put down that will shock people:

(2) I regret going to college. I enjoy my degree, it's a perk, but I've never used anything in that field, I immediately came out of college and went to work in a different field, got certified in that through work by myself, and did that. I knew that was going to happen all while I was in college. So the nice BA degree sits in a drawer, going to no use, while the debt from going will haunt me as I pay off the tab through small monthly payments for eons. It was "fun" but I probably could have made more money faster and been in the same place if I had went straight for the certification, and then just moonlighted the degree.

 

[gene c]

I'm not going to say that I have no regrets, but I don't dwell on them either. Not because of denial, but acceptance. I know that I've made poor decisions in the past and probably will in the future as well. You can learn from the past, but you can't change it. I just try and make the best of it and move on.

But what really worries me are the decisions I've made in the past that still have the opportunity to resurface and bite me in the @ss. But whatever happens, I'll deal with it.

 

[JoeyR]

Man put the crack pipe down. I'm a commercial HVAC tech, top of my game, moved over to controls and pretty much the only guy, I make some money but its nothing to write home about. We are supposed to be happy in front of the customer, thats what we are paid to do.

Proud of our skills, I will agree with that part.


My life has pretty close to being an endless chain of regrets

 

[ChristopherG]

Micah is posting again, so that can't be all bad.

So - let's not chastise each other for our regrets. They are ours. Unique, individual and real. Whether someone regrets college or someone regrets not going to college, it is a regret. It is personal, and it is real. Do not denigrate, insult or minimize it, especially if it is not yours.................??? Why would you do that?

 

[JohnRice]

I agree. There is a certain spirit to the (at least my) intention of this thread.

The fact is, I have thought the exact same thing Micah posted. Then I think, without my education, I wouldn't have had the corporate job I hated so much, and I wouldn't know I would have hated it. So, without the education, I would probably be sitting here thinking about how I should have been some sort of business giant and taken the world by storm. In the end, I'm glad I entered a work field I ended up despising.

So, I have an education and have accrued an awful lot of knowledge about a skill (Commercial Photography) that is virtually unvalued now. Of course, the other day someone was expressing admiration that so long as I can visualize an image, I am easily capable of creating it photographically. So, here is someone who wishes he had the skills I have often wished I didn't bother developing. A number of other HTFers have expressed the same to me. Isn't it an interesting irony.

So, no matter how much I grew to hate my corporate job, I've come to realize how glad I am to have done it. I've done million dollar deals. At the moment I thought that was impressive. I don't anymore, but I'm glad to have been there. It has been incredibly difficult to finally let go of photography as a career, but I'm happier for it. Now I have a chance to try managing people and a more reasonable size business, which I am seriously looking forward to.

My marriage was a boneheaded mistake. Unfortunately, it was something I needed to learn. What I wonder is if the "regret" that motivated me to start this thread had never occurred, it may have averted so many of these others. It might have changed the one thing which I have the most difficulty accepting, but it may have eliminated some of the "good" difficulties as well.

Yes, this stuff does keep me awake at times. I think it is mostly that I am going on 44, divorced and have just moved into a new career, only the third of my entire life, & I've been working since 7th grade, and the one gaping question in my mind has been pretty much left unresolved for good.

 

[Adam Lenhardt]

I burned out of computer science and went back to school for journalism. Now I'm only working part time and just barely stay ahead of expenses. That being said, I can't really call it a regret. If my life is still stalled a decade from now, I probably will. But I hated my life before. Now, I'm at worst dissatisfied. And there were a few great years in between.

 

[JoeyR]

First off, that is the exact same thing I would say to any of my friends, sorry that you dont see the humor in the statement I made.

Secondly I was explaining that what you see is not what you get, I fight the minmaliztion of what I truly do at work everyday. This is the facts though, the reality of "what is seen" versus "what is true is a great divide". I agreed with the satisfaction part, which is a very minimal part of my job and trying to show that regretting what you envision may not truly be a regret if you saw the whole story.

 

[JohnRice]

Joey, you should read Micah's post again...
I see absolutely no "minimalization" there. Quite the opposite. Plus, I'm not sure how you expect someone who doesn't know you to react to the opening line "Why don't you put down your crack pipe". It may be a joke you use personally, but in this context it isn't likely to come across the way you intend.

 

[Micah Cohen]

[putting down my crack pipe...] Eh hem... Don't make me regret posting here!

Hey! The skilled techs I work with every day (HVAC, plumbers, electricians, etc) really ARE happy guys. I know this because I have worked with them for years and know their families. (How do I work with all these people? I'm in real estate... and that's yet another regret...) Sure, they project happiness. But they've spoken candidly to me, as friends. They are proud of their skills, do what they do well, and go home happy at the end of the day.

(I mean, "happy." You know, not existentially bothered by life's BS, the way I am -- no navel gazing going on. They accomplish something every day, and they are proud and happy about it. I accomplish zilch, zero, nothing. And I blame college. What was the point of this degree? It's fish-wrapper.)

As for "posting again," I regret leaving Polk Audio, my first job in the AV industry. It was a super company to work for, the best ever. And my creative teammates were awesome, the best ever! (Too bad about my sub-par dept boss...). But now I've moved, got a new, improved, bigger home theater, and I'm back to learn about HDMI and Oppo and upconversion and all that crapola from the skilled experts here at HTF.

The thing of it is, I regret not learning something useful (a skill!) that I could use to accomplish something in this world. I'm basically a leech now. I take money, I give money. I do not MAKE or DO anything creative or useful.

All the good books have been written. All the great movies have been made... I bet skilled technicians or artisans don't think those stupid regretful thoughts.

But I do. All night long.

...sigh.

MC

 

[JoeyR]

Ok, so now as the can of worms is opened wider, what exactly did you do at Polk audio?

Next if you dont mind me asking, you said your in real estate, are you a super or an agent?

We have the same regrets truthfully, I dont know many techs that havent wanted to get out the field or that havent gotten out of the field. I still agree with the skill statement, that is one of the only things about my job, I know what I know and I know that many others dont, it is nice to have people from across the U.S. to offer you money to come to work for them.

But being proud of your skill level has some disadvantages. Me and some guys from another forum had made some resumes' to compare our skills. Somehow my resume got posted on the net and emailed through a site we use. My counterpart contacted me at another one of our branches and asked what my full name is. I use my full name on any paperwork I do. Told him and he said man I have a resume from you and we were going to give you a call then I realized as I read it that it was probably you. Within 2 days I had no less than 12 job offers, everyone that contacted me I sent an email back saying that it was sent out accidentally and I was happy where I was at. Several contacted me again asking me to reconsider and they would do whatever but this is where it gets interesting. My buddy at the other branch had got a copy, well my company uses the site I went to(did not know) and they look for keywords in resumes. Needless to say I had a crapload and the owner, my service manager, and the vice president of the company were ALL emailed my resume. :frowning:

 

[mylan]

I regret going to college and tech school somewhat. I had to work after school so I opted to go to a two year junior college and tech school for which I ended up with an associates in electronics. I was hired right out of school by Mitsubishi doing quality control work in cellular phones back in the late 80's, early 90's. It was a very intense two and a half years in which I felt underqualified for the job.

I fell into my current field of scratch-off lottery printing by chance, I was hired because I had some technical knowledge but now they hire anyone with half a brain. The reason I am still there after 16 years is because it pays well, the hours, working weekends and holidays have sucked but I do like having a roof over my head.

I regret going back to tech school in 1995 to try to leave printing and re-enter the technical field. I spent a year in evening classes before I burnt out on book learning, I wanted hands-on. The one good thing to come out of those classes was an interview with BellSouth Mobilty ( now AT&T Wireless) for which I was hired as an apprentice during the 96 Atlanta Olympics and........I regret turning the position down as it paid way less than what I was making doing lotto and I was buying a house and getting married that year and just could not justify leaving a solid fulltime job for something that could have been only temporary. To this day, I wonder how my career would have turned out had I taken the job, would I be a highly paid senior tech by now or would I have been downsized during the tech crash of 2000?

I regret not saving more money when I was younger and had WAY less expenses, now that we have the big mortgage, two car payments and everything else, that becomes harder to do.

 

[drobbins]

When I saw the "Profound Regrets" I thought that there would be things like - a high school sweetheart getting an abortion and then not being able to have kids when you got married later. Or having a car intentionally stolen in order to get out of a top heavy loan.

It is interesting to read how many have regretted going to college. My siblings did go to college, but I chose trade school and became a machinist. Graduating from high school I already had 3 years experience. But since I started a family and money is more in demand, I always wonder if I should have done the college thing. I have worked my way up into a management position making double what I would as a machinist, but I am board stiff at work. I am thinking that I will probably go back to running machines - after the kids are out of college. Now reading these posts I am wondering if I should send them?

Like others posted here, I live in the present and I don't mull over the "what ifs" looking back. There are so many variables in life, so there is no way of telling "what could have been".

 

[Micah Cohen]

Mulling. It's my worst habit.

I was in the Marketing Dept at Polk Audio. (I wrote the manuals. The ads. The newspaper...) After years in advertising agencies I went "client-side," and it was fantastic. Finally, a company and product I didn't have to lie about! Excellent company, excellent work ethic, excellent people... bad department head. After six years I realized I was never going to get anywhere else, and decided to leave. (I went from the frying pan into the frying pan by jumping over to DefTech. I shoulda stayed put, shut up, taken the Polk paycheck and left my brain at home every day to rest up for the weekends.) Anyway, Polk still rocks, far as I'm concerned. They just remain a little unclear on the concept of marketing. But that's ok. It was a great time.

Now I manage real estate (my own, some partners'). And I regret, since that's the point of this, not buying more real estate when the buying was good in order to boost me up out of the "small" file and into the "don't have to worry about expenses" file. But as my father always says: "There's no woulda, coulda, shoulda in real estate." (And as a "woulda, coulda, shoulda" kind of guy, in a "regrets" thread no less, you'd wonder what the heck I'm doing in this biz. Me too.)

This biz puts me in touch with skilled technicial guys, as I've mentioned, and it remains, despite the stories in this thread from "regretful" skilled mechanical techs, my deepest regret that I do not have these skills. The guys I work with run their own businesses or work for other small businesses, and are of course under pressure to perform and bring home the bacon, but they as a rule (and excepting the thoughtful posts here) seem quite happy not to over-examine things, as I do. There's something not working, and they find the problem, and they fix it. And at the end of the day they go home and watch movies or something, I dunno.

And, I don't mean to sound "flip." These guys are not simps. They are very smart, skilled guys with families and mortgages and pressures. But my point really is that I regret that I took a path that gave me the time to FOCUS to my detriment on my own personal failings and shortcomings. I have a degree in NAVEL GAZING, apparently. And a degree in laziness and procrastination and... and regret!

"SO, TURN IT AROUND AND DO SOMETHING!" you say. WRITE THAT BOOK!

Yes. Yes, sure. Tomorrow. I promise.

...sigh.

I wish I had fun regrets, like not marrying my "first true love" or throwing out that lottery ticket with the trash yesterday. (I regret my regrets!)

MC