American Idol - Season 9 (1 Viewer)

[Hanson]

It was Big Mike who was rumored to have been cut for spilling the beans. More specifically, his father spilled the beans to a Tampa paper in January.

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[Aaron Silverman]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikah Cerucco

Kara is surprising me this season. She has grown on me. I think she has a love of music that I share, and it infects me when I'm watching the show.

She's infecting something, alright!

Still no personality to speak of. And why hasn't Hanson been making fun of that "shirt" she was wearing?

 

[ChristopherG]

Hanson - that is an awesome mashup...I feel a tiny bit soiled for some reason though...

 

[Patrick Sun]

I'm sort of hot on Janelle, though I don't know if her voice will hold up, just know that she needs to just keep wearing those short dresses or anything to show off her legs (like Haley Scarnato did since her vocals were lacking).

Crystal is going to need a make-over (at least go with some teeth whitening) because she'll need it, though I suspect she'll be able to keep up with the vocals pretty easily, it'll be all about presentation for her.

Most of the guys casted just seem to be really dopey dudes, so it seems that they are going out of their way to stack the deck for a female to emerge victorious this season.

I can't really say I see a single star in the bunch of 24 this season, so I'm not all that hyped by the promise of what this season of AI can bring.

 

[MarkMel]

Originally Posted by Patrick Sun

Crystal is going to need a make-over (at least go with some teeth whitening) because she'll need it, though I suspect she'll be able to keep up with the vocals pretty easily, it'll be all about presentation for her.

Nah, she matched her teeth color with the color of her acoustic guitar on purpose.

 

[Carl Miller]

I think Crystal has a great voice...don't care about her teeth or her looks. This crop is pretty weak it seems. I don't even understand how that Lee Dewyze guy, or that short 16 year old kid made it at all.

One thing I'm very happy about is seeing that "rock girl" with the short black hair didn't make it. She was incredibly annoying, and I have no idea why they were giving her so much camera time.

This whole thing about Crystal's teeth has me wondering if anyone here read National Lampoon when they were younger? Every year they gave an award to the Ugliest Rock Band. It was always very funny. Queen were repeat winners.

 

[Carl Miller]

Wow, was that bad! I feel like I've overdosed on bad singing and commercials. Three singers per half hour was brutal with all the commercial breaks, I'm definitely going to DVR tomorrow's show.

I thought Katelyn and Lily were the best of the group.....Siobahn, Crystal, Janell and Michele were ok and the rest...horrible. Particularly Lacey, Haley and Ashley. I have no idea why Paige was getting such props for her performance. It was mostly getting drowned out by the background singers and yelling when she wasn't.

And Ellen? Her whole I love you, but you suck, and you're great but you suck routine was completely useless.

 

[Patrick Sun]

My comments before the judges give their critique:

Paige Miles - eh, didn't make me excited by the performance. Not much in the star power department so far.

Ashley Rodriguez - awful song choice, and didn't enjoy it one bit. No star power.

Janell Wheeler - Weak voice, song was too big for her.

Lily Scott - memorable, with her own style, and didn't sound half-bad, but
won't be able to provide pyrotechnics on power ballads.

Katelyn Epperly - Tough to watch perform, few too many facial tics, vocals
were okay with strange phrasing that wasn't as effective as it could have
been.

Haeley Vaughn - Has this annoying cutesy demeanor that turns me off to her
as a performer. Please, America, vote her off.

Lacey Brown - a little too nasaly with pitch and enunciating problems,
probably nerves got the best of her, which is too bad.

Michelle Delamor - Nice tone to her voice, but doesn't quite have that spark
to put her over the top, and her voice goes flat in spots, perhaps out of
breath at times.

Didi Benami - Song choice was bad, the song just sounds too self-indulgent,
and didn't showcase her limited vocal range.

Siobhan Magnus - visually reminds me of Anna Paquin (but without the gap in the front teeth), the song felt a little slow and dreary without much energy, not a good song choice.

Crystal Bowersox - Best voice amongst the girls, good musicality, natural performer, looking forward to her next performance. Too bad it's not Harmonica Idol.

Katie Stevens - Very confident for a young lady, tons of vocal range, though she's got a little bit of high school musical schtick going on.

 

[Spero D]

Crystal Bowersox was best of the night for me. As good as Katie Stevens was it seemed (to me at least) in some strange way, that she thought she had already won the compeition and was performing her departing song. Thankfully the judges brought her back down to earth. Still the best 2 of the night.

Speaking of judges I have new found respect for Kara DioGuardi. Just found here singing Terrfied which Didi did during hollywood weak and man was I surprised by how talatented Kara is. She should try out for Idol -

 

[Hanson]

So after loudly proclaiming that this was a “girl’s year”, the season started off to a very rocky start, as nerves, inexperience, and bad sound mixing torpedoed the chances of more than half the girls. Lucky for them, there will only be two cuts tonght, because half the girls were just drowning out there.

And when I say drowning, I mean sounding like a bag full of cats thrown into the river drowning. While there was no Antonella Barba or Stevie Wright level of ear rape, a couple of contestants crashed and burned really hard while only a handful produced vaguely tuneful renditions. The rest were still nowhere near the level the audience expects at this stage of the competition.

And by some of the judges’ feedback, it probably sounded different in the theater than on TV because some dumb bastard at the sound mixing board apparently stepped out for a cigarette break right before the show started and never came back, because you could barely hear the band backing the singers. The lesser voices were really exposed while breathing noises were amplified for viewers at home. It didn’t help that the background singers, for the second year in a row, just weren’t in the same part of the note that the singers were in, and that caused a lot of dissonance as well.

Before I jump right into the reviews, I have to say that I haven’t missed Paula at all during the audition process, and I didn’t miss her at all tonight. Not that Ellen is all that great of a judge – she’s like the complete opposite of Randy – white, skinny, female, and gay, except that she’s exactly like Randy when she just repeats what others say and adds nothing to the conversation. However, Paula’s constant incoherent ramblings and frequent interruptions of Simon kept bringing the show to a screeching halt, and her absence is an absolute plus in my book. For the slight bits of entertainment she brought, she was a real negative influence on the show and I’m glad she’s not there anymore. In a frightening turn of events, Kara actually said things I agreed with on more than one occasion, and I would almost say she turned a corner if it weren’t for some truly stupid things she said to counter-balance them.

Paige – In a harbinger of things to come, Paige kicked off the night by being slightly sharp or flat throughout most of her performance, and her inability to get into the fat part of the note made her voice sound weak. I really hate to ding her for her song choice, as it’s a known fact that there are a limited number of songs to select from, but All Right Now was just all wrong. It’s one of those songs that’s mostly shouted, and Paige needed to retool the arrangement to make it more soulful and melodic. Plus, the key was too low to match the fat part of her register. It just sounded like bad karaoke, and even though the judges gave her a slightly positive critique, it was really not very good or memorable. Paige also missed the big note moments by oversinging those notes and going off key.

Paige is hobbled by her almost total invisibility in the audition process, and a big part of her screen time showed her looking dowdy and crazy eyed. There was a moment in the song where she started clapping above her head, but instead of clapping noises, the mic hitting her hands produced nothing but thudding, which is an apt metaphor for her performance. When she hit her last note, it appeared she was getting a root canal. Ryan revealed that Paige was sewn into her dress and hadn’t peed for 5 hours. Well, almost 5 hours.

Ashley – If you’re going to pick a Leona Lewis song, don’t pick a crushing bore like the ironically titled Happy. Just a boring and botched attempt at a melisma filled R&B number, Ashley didn’t exhibit the chops needed to make this anything other than unmemorable. The snippet from dress rehearsal shown in the recaps at the end of the show sounded much better, and I can only assume nerves were the reason this performance went off track like it did. The judges really did a number on her, which wasn’t all that fair since it wasn’t any worse than Paige’s performance, and that got middling positive responses. I get the feeling Ashley didn’t like her critques.

Janelle – Janelle appears to have been bred for a show like this, with her pretty girl next door looks, blonde flowing locks, great smile, stage presence, and charisma to spare. And although some of her audition highlights made it sound like she was a sure-fire contender, Janelle was unable to get through What About Love without warbling off-key throughout. It didn’t help that this Heart song was just way too big for her voice, and she was so nervous that her mic was trembling like a teacup chihuahua puppy. Unless she pulls out a miracle next week, she’s clearly in the bottom half of the singers right now and won’t make the top 12. While Paige was sewn into her dress, it looked like Janelle had her pants painted on, as her jeans were so tight they looked like something out of a comic book.

Lilly – Lilly’s Hollywood Week rendition of Lullaby of Birdland was my favorite performance in all of the auditions, so I was fairly amped to watch her perform Fixing a Hole. Unfortunately, I was a bit let down by unexpected pitch problems and she just didn’t have the same sweet tone she showed earlier. Some of her phrasing and pronunciations were weird and off-putting, and she cut in and out at times when she dipped her below the mic. At times it seemed like she was having difficulty remembering the lyrics. Lilly isn’t the prettiest girl in the competition, but her hair and makeup aren’t doing her any favors. Reminds me of the Albino from the Princess Bride.

Katelyn – My wife didn’t like the dress, but after seeing her in the same hippy dress show after show, I dug the leather cocktail dress and it fit her to a T. So it was a shame about the Madonna hair and make-up circa 1984 as well as the patterned stockings. I dunno – stockings like that scream “hooker” to me. Oh Darling was the first performance of the night where the singer didn’t go off key and maintained a nice tone. Unfortunately, it was fairly straightforward and a bit repetitive, and the whole thing came off as karaoke. BTW, Kara shouldn’t be critiquing anyone’s fashion choice, seeing how she was wearing something from the Flashdance collection. BTW, is Katelyn related to Matt “The Moleman” Giraud?

Haeley – I’m sorry, but for a multitude of reasons – inability to sing, inability to play guitar, the lisping, the horrible outfits (she looked like a hooker nurse on prom night), the nose piercing, and the fact that she looks like Gollum in a wig and dress, Haeley is my least favorite contestant, and while I Wanna Hold Your Hand wasn’t as disaster ridden as I was hoping for, it wasn’t, by any stretch of the imagination, any good. I was afraid that the judges were going to praise her for this screechy, strangled, sloppy mess, and the trio of Randy, Kara, and Ellen did try to sugarcoat their critiques. Thankfully Simon got right down to it and called the performance “verging on terrible” and “a complete mess”. Ellen chimed in to dub it a “hot mess”, which means either Ellen changed her mind and hated it or Ellen doesn’t know what a “hot mess” is – and it isn’t a compliment.

Lacey – This was about as close to Stevie Wright as it got tonight – a nervous, off-key, terrible rendition of Landslide. The thing went off the tracks rather early on when Lacey sang “lanside” instead of “landslide”, and I think she just discombobulated after that (her dress rehearsal footage in the recap showed a much more composed performance). As if to make matters worse, Lacey chose to sit down for this song, which was a mistake because she nervously ass-danced in her seat, thrusting her hips back and forth as if she were humping some invisible boyfriend while singing. Her hair looked like a cross between Gohan from Dragonball Z and Heat Miser. Oh, and the outfit kinda sucked too. The dress itself was fine, but if you’re going to wear something that goes off the shoulder, use some double-sided tape if you’re worried about modesty. Don’t pussy out and wear a green wifebeater under it. Reminds me of this terrible Alaina Whitaker number from season 5. Yeesh. BTW, Alaina didn’t make past week one either, Just sayin’.

Michelle – If you’re having a hard time remembering Michelle or her performance, or anything about her, I don’t blame you. She got zero air time and then performed a perfunctory version of Falling that was verging on snoozy. I will give her this – Michelle was only the second singer to get through the song without going off-key all over the place, but this was total karaoke. I think this is the wrong time to go with such a low energy song. Maybe it’s just me, but any outfit with a bustle gets a thumbs down. It’s just a stupid look.

Didi – This was my absolute favorite performance of the night by a mile. By 100 miles. The pitch was dead on and I loved the tone of Didi’s voice. She took a song that I only vaguely know and made me want to download The Way I Am because she did such a great job with it. She was superb. So when each judge took turns slagging the performance, I was a bit dumbstruck. I’m not sure what they were listening to, but what she performed was something that could be on the radio tomorrow. I wasn’t that huge of a fan of Didi’s going in, what with all the crying and sucking up to Kara in Hollywood Week, but right now, Didi is top four material.

The one thing about Didi that’s so weird is that her face changes with each expression, where she will look like Taylor Swift or Marg Helgenberger or Kathy Lee Gifford or Brooke White or Becki Newton or a half dozen other people depending on her mood, and sometimes I don’t even realize it’s her when I see her.

Didi’s jacket looked like a braided rug with buttons on it, or perhaps an oversized Rastafari hat with buttons on it. It was hideous either way. And I wish she would quit wearing leggings under her dress. It’s a terrible look.

Siobhan – For those readers who don’t actually watch the show, Siobhan is pronounced “shavonne”, as it’s the original Gaelic spelling of the name. Siobhan’s slow speaking voice at times makes her sound like she’s either recovering from a stroke or is a bit… special (the part where she wanted to know what a “dark horse” sounded extra special). Siobhan is quite the iconoclast, what with being an apprentice glassblower and the prominent nose ring. I’m not the biggest fan of tattoos, but I gotta give her props on the Edward Gorey tattoo that takes up much of her right shoulder – it’s actually the cover of The Gashleycrumb Tinies, and I think it’s cool as hell. I mean, it’s way cooler than something like this (warning, it’s a bit nauseating, and no, it’s not the monkey’s asshole in the bellybutton one). The reason so many people remember her from the auditions are her crazy ass singing faces, like the Predator face and the transforming into a werewolf face. And so I was a mite disappointed when Siobhan didn’t make any facial contortions worth noting while singing Wicked Game. And while it was pretty good, it wasn’t all that memorable or anything to write home about. She didn’t even bust out any big notes, and I scratched my head when she basically said she didn’t do it as some sort of strategy. Well f*ck me, but this is the time to grab the audience by the balls, not display subtlety. Singing a lilting ballad like this was kind of a mistake. Should she have sung a big rangy song? Does Siobhan shit in the woods?

Crystal – It’s rather disappointing to me that I can no longer make fun of Crystal’s yellow, pasty teeth nor her unwashed presentation. I was going to turn Crystal Chops into a cottage industry, and then she pulls the rug out from under me and gets her teeth cleaned and puts on fairly clean clothes. Eh… maybe I can do something with her dreads or her stoned demeanor. In any case, Crystal is a very seasoned performer and had little trouble staying on key, but you could hear little hitches in her performance where nerves were clearly affecting her (when the audience started clapping, she dropped a word and sounded like she was having trouble with the lyrics in the chorus). But Simon is sort of right – if you take this performance out of the context that 10 other singers who shared the stage ranged from mediocre to godawful, it’s good, not great. And the harmonica has already gotten old – it’s an unnecessary hippie affectation, and frankly, it’s rather unimpressive harmonica playing. Like, she’s no John Popper, you know what I mean? One amusing thing about Crystal is that she is such an American Idol outsider that she thinks Simon’s critique is a dialog of some sort. Crystal, you’re supposed to smile and nod while Simon’s talking, not interject about how David Bowie would be a cool song choice.

Katie – Feelin’ Good? Really? I’ve lost count of how many top 24 contestants were taken out by Feelin’ Good. It’s like a suicide song. I know Adam did it last season, but it was well into the season and not during the prelims. This was yet another singer who exhibited a good voice that just couldn’t get into the groove and delivered a messy version that I found annoying to watch, what with all the mugging and winking and weirdly tentative vamping and shimmying. Yes, she’s only seventeen, but Allison Iraheta blows this girl out of the water on every level. Not really sold on this one.

 

[Lucia Duran]

Wow the girls were all prepared to go in and open the show with a BANG, but all we got was a light thud.

Not impressed!

 

[Mikah Cerucco]

Spero D, thanks for the Kara link. I've already written in this thread about my appreciation for her love of music and talent. I'm still not the biggest fan of "Terrified", or her singing, but I save a special place for anyone who's willing to be heard without 14 levels of reverb and autotune. I like people who perform because they have something they feel is special they want to share with people. As opposed to, "It's a way to make a dollar." >> "So after loudly proclaiming that this was a “girl’s year”, the season started off to a very rocky start"

 

[Steve_Tk]

just plain awful last night. AFter that I may not need my fast forward button anymore, might not even watch.

 

[Brett_M]

It was a typical first night performance from all 12. Some good, some bad:

Paige Miles - Dull. Bad choice of song. In trouble.

Ashley Rodriguez - weak voice. Cute, though. In trouble.

Janell Wheeler - Weak voice, song was too big for her.

Lily Scott - great voice and a sure sense of self as a performer. I really like her.

Katelyn Epperly - good performance for me but she needs to tone down her looks. She's not hot enough to let that carry her.

Haeley Vaughn - I liked parts of her performance but she's a little weird. Needs to grow up. In trouble.

Lacey Brown - bad song choice and pitchy.

Michelle Delamor - She does nothing for me. Not a star.

Didi Benami - My favorite girl in the competition. I love her voice and I thought she performed well. I didn't know the song but I'd buy it.

Siobhan Magnus - I like her. She has some pipes -- just needs to learn how to use them.

Crystal Bowersox - She's born to do this. Teeth whitening helped.

Katie Stevens - too young and no soul.

 

[EricSchulz]

Hanson:

Thanks for the info on Siobhan's tattoo...I thought it looked like an ad for Tim Burton's "Mary Poppins".

Nothing really impressive, but "I Want To Hold Your Hand" really bit the big one.

 

[Patrick Sun]

Todrick Hall - took far too much, undeserved, liberty with his song choice. Not the way to start the show, it was alien-sounding.

Aaron Kelly - not ready for the big time yet, felt like he was straining on the big notes, and seemed out of his depth.

Jermaine Sellers - sung well if he was trying to sing to cats. What a wash-out for his opening performance.

Tim Urban - prescient song choice, as it was too late to apologize in having to endure his performance.

Joe Munoz - felt too much like a glee club performance, but very ernest, and needs better song selection.

Tyler Grady - reminds me of an awkward looking female basketball player, unfortunately, he was there to sing, and his vocals are mushy and lack oomph and impact.

Lee Dewyze - was unintelligible, but he looked comfortable singing unintelligibly. Simon was off his rocker with the praise he lavished on Lee, who sounded goat-like in spots.

John Park - was totally horrible, I couldn't understand any of the lyrics, and confused passion for a song's message with actual emotional commitment to the song itself.

Michael Lynche - truly bad song choice, why in the world would a guy twice the size as the Maroon 5 singer choose a song that would shrink his vocal presence even further?

Alex Lambert - a mediocre, uncomfortable, mess if you watched him sing, but didn't sound too bad if you closed your eyes and just listened to him.

Casey James - the male version of Carmen Rasmussen, was it nerves or the cougar stalking him with her eyes, or just the way he really sings? That trailing vibratto he sings with undermines the rest of his presentation (looks).

Andrew Garcia - the total opposite of fun and enjoyable, but he can really enunciate well, and is suited to be a good storyteller in songs, but not a recording artist.

 

[Spero D]

Yikes. This may turn out to be the least talented season of Idol out. Luckily for Simon after this one he's out. The guys were all hopeless and only 2 of the girls stood out to me.

It's go to be hard going (i.e painful listening to more) getting to the top 12

 

[Brett_M]

Todrick Hall – self-indulgent, ruined the original hook. He’s a performer, though.

Aaron Kelly – good for his age. Has potential.

Jermaine Sellers – like a cat being beaten with a coat hanger.

Tim Urban – good song choice – except he couldn’t hit the notes. What a dope.

Joe Munoz – he’s way too pleased with himself. Good vocal talent but needs to be a man.

Tyler Grady – great song choice but it totally lacked punch, I like his 70s frontman vibe.

Lee Dewyze – there’s a good singer in their somewhere, better luck next time (if there is one).

John Park – great vocal ability, terrible song choice.

Michael Lynche – I really enjoyed his R&B take on Maroon 5.

Alex Lambert – a very nice tone, needs some work on performance.

Casey James – a cool and competent performance. I like his tone, as well.

Andrew Garcia – points for originality and arrangement. Needs to up his game. He’s safe.

 

[Hanson]

If you assumed that the top 12 guys would redeem the mostly terrible performances of the top 12 girls, you’d be very, very wrong. In many ways, the guys were worse than the girls – yes, Lacey was terrible, but at least she was memorably bad. Haeley was a trainwreck, but at least she was hilariously bad. And I’m not alone in thinking that Didi was great regardless of what the judges said. Tonight’s cardinal sin was boredom – every single guy was boring on some level, and no one distinguished themselves at all. I’m not sure who is actually responsible for the make-up of the top 24 (despite what you see, it’s not the four judges shuffling around Polaroids that determines the final cut), but that person or persons have sunk to a new low for sniffing out talent. Todrick – Is seriously have no idea what was going through Todrick’s mind when he concocted this indulgent and amelodic reworking of Since You’ve Been Gone. Todrick basically pulled out every element of the song that made it entertaining, and either the Idol producers sat back and let him go through with it as an act of sabotage or Todrick is the kind of arrogant prick who doesn’t take advice from anyone. I can believe both sides, as the producers are notorious for weeding out fodder at this stage by sabotaging certain contestants while Todrick has pulled the same scam multiple times. If you don’t know by now, Todrick has made a career for himself by staging national tours of musicals like Oz the Musical, and then charging overeager stage parents in each stop of the tour $75 to have their kids audition as T-Shirt wearing extras. After a couple of perfunctory performances, the musical shuts down due to lack of funding, and the audition fees never get refunded. Todrick wore a whistle around his neck during the performance. What a random accessory. Speaking of random, the camera cut to an unprepared Aaron Kelly in the middle of Todrick’s critique. It’s a good thing Aaron wasn’t picking his nose at the time. It can’t be said enough how poorly Bruce Gowers runs the show. It’s shocking that he won an Emmy for season 8 when he consistently flubs basic functions like last night’S atrocious sound mix and frequently cuts to the wrong camera like he did tonight. When Simon asked Todrick where he heard the version of Since You’ve Been Gone he had performed, Todrick replied, “in my head”. The correct answer is, “in my mind. In my mind grapes.” No bonus points for Todrick. Aaron – What an utterly bland and boring piece of shit. He’s like something Michael Sarver pooped out one day and gained sentience. The wan and off key version of Here Comes Goodbye induced drowsiness, but the jolts of screechy dissonance roused you before you could nod off. The lyric, “Here comes the pain” was an apt metaphor for the Aaron’s undercooked performance. The judges decided to be a lot less rough on the guys, because so many of the critiques were sugar coated nonsense. Simon told multiple girls that “the song was too big for you” last night, but somehow didn’t notice Aaron’s insubstantial vocal abilities weren’t up to the task of singing a Rascal Flatts song. Here’s Simon telling Aaron what he really thought of the performance. I know that counting with your fingers is culturally dictated, but I’ve never seen anyone display the number three quite like that. Aaron is a habitual lip licker like David Archuleta. And Ryan is a habitual grabber of young male contestants. Like David Archuleta. Jermaine – I was once in a training seminar for work, and I spent a lot of time participating in discussions and interacting with the instructor. When the class was over, the instructor gave our bosses feedback on how we did. Mine was just a generic comment, but this other guy in the class, who was also Asian, got this glowing review and a commendation for bringing so much to class discussion. The thing was, the dude said two words the entire week, and even he was surprised the instructor knew who he was. You wanna guess what happened? Ya think? The purpose of this story is to wonder aloud if a similar thing happened in Hollywood. Because there was this other black church singer in the auditions named Jermaine – Jermaine Purifory, and from what we saw from the auditions process, he looked like a shoo-in for the top 24. Meanwhile, Jermaine Sellers is actually in the top 24 and sounded like shit throughout the auditions not to mention he acted like a diva the few times he was on camera. Sellers caterwauled through an out of control version of Get Here that made me wonder how he got here. The last note was painful. How painful? You can see it on Jermaine’s face. I can understand the producers want fodder in the ranks, but there was no point in the audition where it appeared Sellers could carry a tune. He was just awful throughout. I’m telling you, they confused the two Jermaines. Black fabric flower alert. I know it’s a tuxedo jacket but… atrocious. Tim – Interestingly, they elaborated on how Tim was originally cut but then brought back to the show at the last minute. What they left out was why he had to be tapped as a replacement. Remember the orphan with the Sideshow Bob hair? His name is Chris Golightly and he’s in the top 12 guys group shot from last week’s green mile show. So what happened? It appears that a short time before the green mile show aired, Chris’ manager let Idol know of an existing contract, one that Chris signed in May 2009, a couple of months before the auditions. I can only speculate that the manager figured they could “work something out” for Chris’ rights. But Idol don’t play that, and Chris was dumped. The manager released Chris from the contract so he could get back on the show, but it was too late. Tim sang Apologize, and when he wasn’t boring the audience with a thin and undistinguished voice, he was assaulting them with one of the worst falsettos the show has heard in a while. Someone pointed out he looks like Michael Urie from Ugly Betty. I’m thinking Nathan Lane. In any case, can’t Idol let us get to know Tim without showing us his pit stains? Joe – Apparently, Munoz is Spanish for fodder. Joe sang You and I Both as if it were just one long note. He failed to enunciate the words, barely stopped to take a breath, and started singing and never stopped. His voice is okay, the singing was passable, but there’s zero charisma here, and he’s completely nondescript. Joe said he would “step it up next week”. Getting a little ahead of yourself, don’t you think? Joe gave a shout out to the people of Mexico – too bad they can’t vote. Joe’s sole distinguishing feature is his resemblance to Ben Stiller. Wait, can resembling someone really be considered a distinguishing feature? Tyler – What a freaking disaster this was. All shouty and pitchy, American Woman wasn’t so much sung as it was barked. It’s the kind of thing you try to tune out at a karaoke bar. The song would have been more apropos if Tyler had substituted “Woman” with “Public” (American Public, stay away from me-e-e!). BTW, American Woman was written and recorded by The Guess Who, a Canadian band. So the song makes less sense if the singer is American. Apropos of nothing, Tyler looks like Anna Chlumsky from My Girl. Lee – Chasing Cars started out okay, but if you asked me if there was anything special or interesting about his voice, I’d have to say no. But when he hit the chorus, he started oversinging and going all sorts of off key. It got so derailed that he couldn’t even find the proper key when the song went back to the verse. Lee is completely nondescript looking. He looks like thousands and thousands of white dudes from Florida to Vancouver. They dispense your coffee. They bag your groceries. They change your oil. Simon seems to think Lee has some sort of quality that can make him a star. Simon is wrong, but Simon will not admit he is wrong. If you want to see what Lee looks like, look outside your window. But if you insist, here he is. Like you’re going to remember. John – There was only the tiniest amount of probability that John would make it out of the prelims to the top 12, and that tiny flicker has been extinguished. Delivering a powerfully boring rendition of God Bless This Child, John displayed zero emotion, cut rate melisma, and a trace of a Korean accent in his singing voice. That’s kind of odd since you usually encounter someone who has an accent when they speak but lose it when they sing. John’s awkward attempt at explaining the significance of the song lost him even more hope at going any further. Michael – Michael was rumored to have been cut for violating confidentiality agreements when his father blabbed to a Tampa newspaper in January that he had made the top 24. Michael goes by the nickname “Big Mike”, presumably to pre-empt the nicknames that would have been bestowed on him otherwise, like “Fat Mike” or “Bitch Tits”. Mike should know that the first rule of making the top 24 is, don’t talk about making the top 24. The second rule of making the top 24 is, don’t talk about making the top 24. Mike’s version of This Love was a little too fast and came off a bit frantic, but his voice is pretty good and he knows how to work the stage and make love to the mic. However, his voice is thinner than you’d expect from a man his size, and it wasn’t what you’d call a memorable performance, something that Simon brought up during judgment. Mike disagreed with Simon’s critiques and audiblized his displeasure, at which point Ellen had to warn him about being cocky. Alex – Alex has the worst stage presence I’ve ever seen in an Idol hopeful. It’s not just that he’s stiff and awkward – he has the stage presence of an autistic child, barely looking up or making eye contact with the crowd and repeatedly looking off in the distance or closing his eyes to avoid interacting with the audience. Which is a shame, because after the shaky first verse of Wonderful World, Alex showed off what is the best male voice in the competition, both soulful and smoky with great pitch control. I know that it’s a wonderful world but I can’t feel it right now Well, I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now The lyrics couldn’t be any more apropos. While I agree with Simon that Alex appeared to be uncomfortable to the point of being pained on stage, I disagree about it not ending fast enough. I don’t know if Alex will ever get any better on stage, but he’s one of the few interesting singers in the entire competition. BTW, I had a good laugh at the clip of Alex telling Mary Powers, “I hate you”. Casey – Okay, okay, we get it – Kara has a hard on for Casey. On the flip side, I find Bryan Adams flurge inducing. I sort of like Summer of 69, but I goddamn hate every other song he’s written. So anytime a contestant picks a Bryan Adams song, I immediately hope they fail. Yeah, I’m looking at you, David Cook. Despite whatever it is the judges said, Heaven was a bit on the shrill side, and he tried to embellish his thin voice with a goaty vibrato that made me instantly hate this drunk driving felon. And you know, it’s one thing for a guy to grow his hair long – I’ve been there. But when you get a perm and end up with Jessica Simpson hair, you’ve crossed into douchebag territory. Not really a big fan. Andrew – Is it just me or did this acoustic rearrangement of Sugar We’re Going Down sound pretty much like his acoustic rearrangement of Straight Up? Perhaps we’re seeing the beginnings of a one trick pony, and all of his arrangements are going to end up sound alike, as if he’s some American Idol version of Randy Newman. I wasn’t really impressed with Andrew’s voice here – it sounded thinner than I remembered, and whether it was because of the song or the arrangement or whatnot, he didn’t show off any of his vocal agility. Andrew wore a collar that partially obscured his neck tattoo. Sartorial coincidence or planned obsfucation? I’m not really sure, since he didn’t try all that hard to hide it during the auditions. But then again, shit just got real now. I have been trying to decipher Andrew’s tattoo and have magnified and enhanced the image to better make out the detail. My best guess is… Trashy. That can’t be, right? Who in the world would get a neck tattoo that reads trashy? One last note – Andrew sounds a bit like Bobcat Goldthwait when he speaks. Or is it just me?

 

[RAF]

Hanson,

As always - [COLOR= #0000ff]Yoo da man![/COLOR]

It's just too bad that the quality of this year's 24 "finalists" doesn't match the quality of your commentary. If it wasn't for our HTF Challenge I probably wouldn't even watch this train wreck of a season.