A little venting about the g/f... (1 Viewer)

[Julie K]

Chicks also enjoy insects and kitchen scraps but I've never known them to like cheese. But why are we talking about immature fowl?

Oh yeah! And yes, I'm single

And with your attitude, "joking" or not, you're likely to remain that way. Enjoy.

 

[BryanZ]

Definately talk to her about it. From what I've gathered it sounds like this has been an ongoing problem. Definately apologize for the alarm going off as long as it did but also ask her why she didn't wake you up? Perhaps the best thing right now is for you two to break up. If you were married I would say to try and work things out. Because this evidently is not the case, get out of the relationship. If it takes her chewing you out first to come to realize how special you are that is indicitive of other problems. When I do something for someone, I want to hear the words, "Thank you" or "I appreciate your doing this." It doesn't need to be every time or every day. Just them noticing what you do for them and letting you know how much they appreciate your being that way.

In this relationship you do not feel appreciated at all and, in part, feel taken for granted. Almost anything you do at home for her is taken as a "so what" or "I could have done that."

Another question is have you told her how much you appreciate her and the things she does for you? If not, that could be a contributing factor to your problems. In any event, at the very least some time apart from each other seems to be in order after you two have talked things through at a time other than late at night. Find a time when you both are sharp and awake and have no pressing concerns such as laundry, work, etc. Good luck!

 

[Vince Maskeeper]

I don't really have anything to add in reagrds to the open question- I think it was simply venting... and probably healthy to do as often as possible.

However, I couldn't resist mentioning this:

Not I. Get rid of her, now. I personally don't understand these female games, and I refuse to play

them. A relationship is a two way street. You should not have to walk on ice all the time lest ye risk her displeasure. It's bullshit.

I just had to laugh a bit at Ryan's comments here- nothing against him at all- but it is certainly an ironic statement that when she does something you don't like you should dump her as to prevent having to "walk on ice".

I would say that if you dump your girlfriend for complaining that you let your alarm go off for over an hour, them maybe you are not the one being force to "walk on ice".

I think ending a relationship the moment the other person does something you don't like is the definition of forcing someone to walk on ice!

LOL! Couldn't resist... irony just sucks me in.

Vince

 

[Geno]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok if I can stop from laughing at all the comments that have been posted Ill try to get my 2 cents in.

Well obviously there is some tension in the relationship. Tim feels like he is getting walked on for no good reason. I personally think that women will find anything to go off on a guy if she is used to treating him that way. But in her defense, some guys like to be treated that way [thats how S&M originated], and she did not "throw the clock, bash his head, destroy his HT" she only said it was inconsiderate.

Now he should have told her that her statement about doing the laundry was inconsiderate. Tim next time she does that, throw it all in and just push the button. If she complains about you messing up her clothes [they shrunk, bled on the whites, or anything like that] tell her that she can do it cause you tried throwing them in and pushing the buttons like she said.

List all the things that she relies on you for and list all the things you rely on her for. are they about the same? If you really love her, sit down and show her the list and talk it thru, let her understand why you are frustrated. if you dont love her, you will realize that she just "needs" someone, and doesnt "want" you.

 

[TimDoss]

Again, thank you all for your advice... we talked about it all, and we're both going to work

on things. There really is too much good about us to just throw it all away... aside from a couple of

things we don't mesh on, that I believe can be fixed,

we get along great. Yesterday was very much just venting...

something I don't get a chance to do much, and it helped.

A lot of the way she reacts is due to a bad marriage she just

got out of, so patience and understanding on my part shouldn't

be too much for as much as I love her. It just gets frustrating sometimes.

 

[Mark Schermerhorn]

JUST got out of a bad marraige? Man, thats a lot of suitcases you're going to be carrying around for a while... :frowning:

 

[John Besse]

Julie, that's harsh. I was just trying to get a laugh out of Tim. That's all. Make him feel better while he was a bit upset. That was my reason behind the joke. You're not even giving me the benifit of the doubt of being a good person or not. You truely hurt my sensitive feelings. I take great offense to that. Can't we all play nice like reasonable adults...

 

[John Besse]

BTW Tim, my younger brother is in a relationship with a girl who just got out of a bad marrige. So far, it seems to work for him. They get along great. Just listen to a bunch of her problems and try and be a good friend. It has worked so far for my brother. Hey, it got him engaged.

 

[David Ren]

DELETED. Don't want anyone I know reading this since I am using my real name.

 

[Julie K]

You truely hurt my sensitive feelings. I take great offense to that.

Hey, it was just a joke.

(Hint: the irony overflows...take a good look at your post and try to expand upon your feelings about my reply in order to understand that tacking the words "it was just a joke" to something otherwise reprehensible does not make it any less reprehensible. This is what reasonable adults should understand...)

 

[Julie K]

Girls like assholes. Nice guys finish last. When I first started to realize this, my relationships got a lot better.

:rolleyes
No, most women do not like assholes. Unfortunately, some assholes breed and they tend to raise their daughters by their own warped view of what women should be. These women have absolutely no feelings of self-worth and feel they do not deserve anyone nice or caring for a mate. If you become an asshole yourself you will just be continuing the cycle.

 

[David Ren]

DELETED. Don't want anyone I know reading this since I am using my real name.

 

[Julie K]

Julie, think of all the guys you ever went out with and what attracted you to them.

ROTFLMAO! You are ever so wrong if you think I was ever attracted to assholes, consciously or subconsciously. I find it most amusing that someone who has never met me thinks he knows the kind of guys I used to go out with.

And you are ever so young and inexperienced if you truly believe that "all women" want to be treated badly. You simply aren't seeing the numbers of women who are quickly sizing you up and then dismissing you without a second thought. Grand declarations of "All < anything > think/act/want blah blah" are simply a cop-out to avoid more careful consideration of the subject.

 

[Janna S]

A plausible corollary to David's statement that "All women are subconsciously attracted to assholes" is "All men are assholes."

I believe both to be false.

I also believe that whining that all women are attracted to assholes is a chickenshit way for a man to make himself feel better when he is frustrated with how complex it is to interact with other people on a meaningful level.

Hey, we all get frustrated with boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, neighbors, bosses, the guy in the next car, the mail carrier, the kids on the corner, the president, the clerk at the grocery store, our ex-spouses, our kids - you get the picture. This is life, in all its wonderful messiness.

The solution is not to give up and say, "All [men, women, black people, white people, ex-wives, blondes, fat people, cops, teenagers, etc] are [assholes, greedy, lazy, cheaters, liars, stupid, ugly, etc]." The solution is to view everyone as an indivdual, to examine our own behavior, assumptions, limitations, weaknesses, and strengths in each encounter and each relationship, and strive to be and do our best despite whatever frustrations we face.

 

[Holadem]

I'm the most popular guy in New York.

No, that would be me!
[Agent Smith mode]
How can you be the most popular guy in NYC if you can't... drive?
[/Agent Smith mode]

 

[DaveF]

I don't understand the reasoning behind, "I'll become an asshole so women who like them will be interested in me."
1) Do you really want to be romantically involved with (or married to) such a woman, who wants you to tear her down, rather than build her up?
2) What's it say abour your self-worth if you are willing to cast aside your values, become that which you formerly loathed, just for a date?
3) HTF'ers will endure the public ridicule, long waits, and many frustrations just to get the OAR version of their favorite movie. Then surely they wouuld endure some frustrations and rejections for the much more valuable prize of an "OAR" woman (or man), rather than some mis-guided "Pan-and-Scan" gal (or guy)
Maybe I'm sheltered, but I've not known these mythic woman who date jerks and like being smacked around. All the woman I've known, even those with "issues", still demand and require respect.
For me, it's worth it to play fair, and pursue a proper OAR woman

 

[Ryan Wright]

I just had to laugh a bit at Ryan's comments here- nothing against him at all- but it is certainly an ironic statement that when she does something you don't like you should dump her as to prevent having to "walk on ice".

I think ending a relationship the moment the other person does something you don't like is the definition of forcing someone to walk on ice!

Vince,

My comments weren't based on this one incident. They were based on the picture Tim painted as a whole. This seemed to be a continued thing, and being that there isn't a marriage here, I handed over the advice I would have taken myself. If he had simply said, "She's mad at me because of this one incident" I wouldn't have advised him to end things.

Then again, I also am quick to give up on people. I suppose it's my carefree nature. You don't want to treat me with respect? OK, fine by me, see you later. Of course, I'd never give up on my wife that easily. A marriage is different. That's why I "shacked up" for over a year before getting married. I wasn't about to marry someone I didn't want to keep.

But girlfriends? I dropped 'em like a hot potato when they treated me in ways I didn't appreciate. As for the "walking on ice", I'm talking about the whole "I'm mad at you and am going to treat you like shit but I'm not telling you why" game. It gets old the first time around. Sorry, unless you come right out and tell me why you're mad, I'm not going to apologize, nor am I going to tip-toe around you. And if you tell me I "should know" why you're mad, it will be the last you'll see of me until I get an apology for your behavior.

 

[Jon_B]

I also believe that whining that all women are attracted to assholes is a chickenshit way for a man to make himself feel better when he is frustrated with how complex it is to interact with other people on a meaningful level.

Interesting. I've never thought about it this way, but it's probably true. If so, then it must be true on the flip side that all men are jerks and a-holes.

Jon

 

[Scott Strang]

All points being made in this thread are good ones. Needless to say, it seems like some women like guys that treat them badly but inside they probably know it shouldn't be that way.

Then there will always be a few women that are mentally imbalanced and prefer to be treated like shit. This is probably due to low self esteem and these women will sooner or later get what they have coming to them which is sad; I hate to see a woman die from physical abuse in extreme cases because they're too stupid to see reality.

We all probably have stories of dating people that kept going back to their former abusive SO's.

On the other side of the coin, there are some of us here that also acted stupid and stayed in relationships that smothered us and resulted in our being treated like shit.

I'm one of them and have no one to blame but myself. Yet when one's self concept is low due to mental abuse, it can be hard to see beyond the moment.

 

[Darren H]

I can't imagine how depressing this thread would be if Janna and Julie hadn't shown up.