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A little venting about the g/f...

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by TimDoss, Dec 6, 2001.

  1. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    You know it pisses me off, last night I sat up with her until 12:00 comforting

    her because her and her mother had a falling out... then

    this morning I had some trouble wanting to wake up,

    my alarm is set for 3:45, and without even realizing it, I

    hit the snooze until 5:00... so this morning she tells me I'm inconsiderate. What the fuck???

    Also, what really irritates me is, I have a lot of friends that treat their g/f's and wives

    like crap most of the time, but whenever they do something nice, they

    get praised and talked about to their friends as being sooooo nice...

    I try to treat her how anyone deserves to be treated, and am

    always considerate of her feelings... send her flowers for

    no reason, help around the house... not for the recognition, but because I think it's right.

    But then that behavior becomes expected and you slip up once

    and you're treated worse than the guy that treats her like

    shit all the time. Why bother????

    Ok, I'm done venting... thanks for listening.
     
  2. Holadem

    Holadem Well-Known Member

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  3. Julie K

    Julie K Well-Known Member

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    She's probably still hurting badly and lashed out at the nearest available person (you). I certainly don't condone it, but it's a very normal response. If it happens again, calmly explain that you know she's hurting but please don't take it out on you.

    EDIT: Holadem seems to get the impression that this is a long term thing. If it is, I agree. However, I got the impression that it was just this once. Tim, could you shed some light?
     
  4. Duane_T

    Duane_T Well-Known Member

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    Another story of the nice guy getting dumped on. Why don't these women really look around to see how some other women are getting treated by the jerks out there.
     
  5. Mike Broadman

    Mike Broadman Well-Known Member

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    So what are we learning today? Treat your partner like crap, that way she/he will appreciate it when you do something good.
     
  6. Julie K

    Julie K Well-Known Member

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    Oh come on guys [​IMG]
    It sounds like the g/f lashed out once after a very troubling incident. No one is completely even tempered at all times. Unless this is common treatment (and Tim, please elaborate) I'd say it's way too early for you guys to start whining about the nice guys/bitchy girls bit. (And maybe then I'll start my rant about nice guys ignoring the nice girls in favor of bubble-headed bimbettes with big boobs...)
     
  7. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Well-Known Member

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  8. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    Being lashed out at is not common treatment at all...

    she is not a bitch. I would say that she is very accustomed to me doing things for her, treating her special, what have you, and on occasions that she doesn't deem that enough, then I hear about it... again, I'm not in this for the recognition, but it really feels like the things that should

    be appreciated are taken for granted. Once in a while if she senses that

    it is bothering me she'll tell me that she really does appreciate me, but

    that's after showing otherwise. I've seen this behavior in

    a lot of women friends, actually... I don't know what they

    are like at home, but the ones with husbands that don't pay them too much

    attention with the occasional nice act do seem happier than those with very attentive

    and respectful husbands all the time.

    It just really pissed me off this morning to hear her tell me that I'm inconsiderate...

    whatever I do, how it will affect her is my first concern...

    so my alarm kept waking her up... what an asshole I am.
     
  9. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    Ryan: I did tell her that... I don't put up with too much, we e-mail each other throughout the day...well, not much today... and the first one today was that I didn't

    appreciate it. I didn't get a response.
     
  10. Julie K

    Julie K Well-Known Member

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  11. RogerB

    RogerB Well-Known Member

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    Most "snoozes" last 10 minutes, so....your alarm clock went off every 10 minutes for over an hour? That would piss me off, too. After the second time I would have thrown it across the room. I think you owe her an apology.
     
  12. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    Julie: Thank you for the advice... and I do think you're right about the response to being emotionally distraught.

    The second part of my post isn't dealing so much with being the

    butt of her hurt, but with normal treatment of her and how that

    treatment, I feel, is taken for granted.
     
  13. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    I don't like you Roger. [​IMG]
     
  14. Brad_W

    Brad_W Well-Known Member

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  15. Julie K

    Julie K Well-Known Member

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    Tim,

    So I take it that you are feeling continually taken for granted? (Did this start before or after she snapped at you?)

    What are the sorts of things you feel are lacking in her response to your kindess and consideration?

    The answers to these questions could give you a good starting point in talking to her in order to resove the undercurrent of unhappiness in your relationship. (But now is not the time to bring the subject up - wait until she's on a more even keel emotionally.)

    If you can't get anywhere (meaning you are left with an emotional void in the relationship), then something needs to change. Do not start treating her, or other women, like dirt. Just find someone else. There's pleny of fishies in the sea. Stay a "nice guy" and you will find someone nice eventually.
     
  16. Samuel Des

    Samuel Des Well-Known Member

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    There is no reason to presume. No one wants to be perceived as an asshole. Sometimes, people start to resent a relationship because it is so long term; the fallout is usually petty bickering. Can't say's why: people just get sick of each other. This may be what's happening to you.

    Then again, I don't know how serious the problem is, and I wouldn't want to presume me-self. But generally, you don't "get rid" of people. You leave relationships. If you're not happy, leave amicably if you can. It's slow and hard becoming someone's someone else, but if you see no other alternative, take the step that is best for you.

    Warm Regards, Sam
     
  17. TimDoss

    TimDoss Well-Known Member

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    Julie,

    Definitely before the snapping.

    Without going into my whole relationship, one thing that always bothers me is

    I get off of work at 12:30 usually, and at 2:30 I go pick

    up her two daughters from school and watch them until she

    gets home at about 5:00... during that time, I'll maybe do

    some laundry, maybe start dinner, and when she gets home,

    if I haven't taken out the trash or the apartment is kind of

    messy, she'll be sure to mention it. And if I say, well I'm

    sorry, I was doing the laundry, I'll get, wow, you put the clothes in and push the button.

    That's the kind of thing I am talking about.

    She is the type of person who can't sit still, if she is

    home she is constantly doing or cleaning something... and I

    think that she expects me to be the same way.

    And as far as treating someone like dirt... I couldn't be that way. I would rather be treated that way myself than

    treat someone else like that.
     
  18. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    Tim, it appears to me that you and her don't mesh well.

    My officemate has the same type of "common law" wife who can't sit still and just relax, she's got to be doing something all the time, and if you're not doing something, then you're a worthless slug. She's always got plans for him to do "something" "anything", freakin' slave driver!

    I would consider how she makes you feel, and go from there. If her idiosyncracies are ones that you can tolerate, and don't feel belittled by, than stick it out, otherwise, do both of you a favor, and talk about moving away from each other for both of your own good.
     
  19. Brad_W

    Brad_W Well-Known Member

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    Tim,
    If it is actually like that (and thinking of my previous post) go ahead and either discuss with her your feelings (communication works best) or break off the relationship.
    Though you state you don't want to be mean, I'll give you two lines that I used to break up with girls in case you do want to be mean:
    1. Welcome to Dumpsville, honey. Population: YOU!
    2. The only thing we have in common is the fact that our genitals align correctly!
    It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate their power.
     
  20. Julie K

    Julie K Well-Known Member

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    Tim,
    There could be a few things going on here:
    She's a compulsive neat freak and you and her just don't mesh. (Hey, I'm a slob and can commiserate.)
    Most women do love it when guys do housework. However, there are a few obsessive sorts who can't get past the whole "house as a woman's domain" thing. She may be picking at you as a way to declare housekeeping as her turf or territory.
    Sam is right and she's tired of the relationship. Instead of saying something outright, the unhappiness is manifesting itself as bitchiness about housekeeping. (Just as your unhappiness initially manifested about a comment made after an emotionally unsettling event.)
    In any event, you guys need to talk. Of course, it may come down to one of Brad's lines [​IMG]
     

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