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Do you fear the imminent approach of Turkey Knapp? - Page 3

post #61 of 217
Listen! And understand! That TURKEY KNAPP is out there. It can't be bargained with! It can't be reasoned with! It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!






At a gun store.]
The Turkey Knapp The Flintlock Blunderbuss, with laser sighting.
Pawn Shop Clerk: These are brand new; we just got these in. That's a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bullet to go. You can't miss. Anything else?
Turkey Knapp: Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Hey, just what you see, pal.
post #62 of 217
You want the Turkey Knapp?!? You can't handle the Turkey Knapp!!!
post #63 of 217
New information contiunues to leak about changes in the upcoming Extended Edition of The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Rings. Apparently director Peter Jackson now feels the Balrog is not scary enough and has replaced it with something more sinister. These revised scenes have been posted at Ain't It Drool News:
Quote:
The Fellowship is surrounded by orcs in the halls of Moria. Suddenly, the score stops. A sickly orange light appears in the distance, accompanied by a horrible, gurgling "Gobblegobblegobble". The orcs pause, then scatter, leaving the Fellowship alone and waiting...

Boromir: "What is this new devilry?"

Pause as we see Gandalf droop, and the uncomprehending faces of the Fellowship. The choir comes back in, and we hear the "Gobblegobblegobble" again, closer this time. Gandalf finally looks up with resignation.

Gandalf: "A Turkey Knapp. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!!!"
The subsequent race to the Bridge of Khazad-Dum remains unchanged, except for the Balrog being replaced by newly-rendered CGI of Turkey Knapp. New Line has thus far succeeded in keeping these images under wraps, knowing that if they leaked before street date, sales of the EE would be severely (and negatively) affected. We pick up the action as Gandalf faces Turkey Knapp at the Bridge:
Quote:
Gandalf: "You cannot pass!"

Frodo: "Gandalf!"

TK unfurls his wings and gobbles menacingly. Gandalf raises his scepter & sword in defense as he recites the following:

Gandalf: "I am the servant of the secret fire; wielder of the Baster of Anor. The dark meat will not avail you, Bird of Udun!"

TK raises his blunderbuss and fires at Gandalf, but the wizard deflects the shot with his sword. Cut to reactions from Aragorn & Frodo, then back to TK gobbling in fury at Gandalf.

Gandalf: "Go back to the shadow!"

TK steps onto the bridge, and fires another shot in fury. Gandalf raises his scepter (which has transformed into the shape of a turkey baster) over his head.

Gandalf: "You shall not pass!"

Gandalf brings the scepter/baster down hard onto the stone bridge, concentrating with all his might. TK advances, raising his gun, when the bridge collapses below him. Cut to a quick reaction shot of the hobbits, then back to TK slowly falling into the chasm as Gandalf watches. We see Gandalf turn away, but TK manages to get off one last shot. The ball hits Gandalf in the leg, and he collapses and falls over the edge of the bridge. He manages to catch himself and hangs by his fingertips at the precipice. We hear cries of "No, no" from the Fellowship, and cut to Frodo rushing forward only to be restrained by Boromir. Gandalf attempts to pull himself up, but his strength is gone. We can see on his face that he knows he made a huge mistake by trying to defeat TK using the 'basting & roasting' spells favored in ancient times. We cut to Frodo's horrified face, then back to Gandalf. We see the realization that he should have used the 'immersion in boiling peanut oil' chants recently pioneered by the C'Jun sect of the Maia. He spits out his final advice to the Fellowship:

Gandalf: "Fry, you fools!"

and drops into the abyss.
I think I'm cancelling my pre-order...
post #64 of 217
Woe to all of you who have not yet experienced the dreaded Turkey Knappā„¢ in all of its fearsome glory. Those of us who have seen it in the past have built up barely a minimal resistance to its dark and foreboding power.

I fear that there will be no hope this year, for any of us.
post #65 of 217
One, two... Turkey's coming for you.
Three, four... Better lock the door...
post #66 of 217
Sung to the Tune of jaws


TUUURRR----KKEEY.......TUURRR----KEEYY.

TURKEY,TURKEY,TURKEY,TURKEY,..........TURKEY KNAAAAAAPPPPP.
post #67 of 217
They Just keep Getting better


Verbal: Keaton once said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Turkey Knapp.
post #68 of 217
How long would the HTF last if Turkey Knapp was animated this time around?
post #69 of 217
My God animated RUN FOR THE HILLS
post #70 of 217
The Turkey Knapp shows no mercy. 5 days till the hellspawn returns.
post #71 of 217
Turkey Knapp - GET IN MY BELLY !!!!!


(I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back)
post #72 of 217
Turkey Knapp as Lon Chaney's Phantom Of The Opera

"His eyes are ghastly beads in which there is no light - like holes in a grinning skull."

"His face is like leprous parchment, yellow skin strung tightly over protruding bones!"

"His nose - there is no nose!"


"Feast your eyes, glut your soul, on my accursed ugliness!!"

5 more sleeps, and he comes...
post #73 of 217
And then there were four days. Hark, I can hear the call of the Turkey Knapp.
post #74 of 217
We're gonna need a bigger server

Turkey Knapp is the concrete proof of the existence of pure evil. You can not run, you can not hide for Turkey Knapp will hunt you down and devour your spleen and squease your eye juice on its toast for breakfast.

"The greatest trick Tukey Knapp ever pulled was convincing the HTF that he did not exist"
post #75 of 217
And Just like that he was Gone
post #76 of 217
Craig, that was freaking brilliant! "Fry, you fools!"

You guys kill me. But in a funny way, not in a "Turkey-Knapp-at-the-Gates-of-Dawn, Run-for-your-lives!" kind of way.
post #77 of 217
Well, we have one day left unit TK-Day. Lock up the children, run to the store and stock up on supplies, because the end is near.

-Dean-
post #78 of 217
Is it a coincidence that Turkey Knapp will arrive the same day Spiderman is released? I think not! It will ensure more victims!
post #79 of 217
Isn't the Turkey Knapp the little dangly thing under their chin?

I'd like to see a battle between the Turkey Knapp and Cthulhu. Who'd win?
post #80 of 217
I just felt a cold chill...
post #81 of 217
That was the icy breath of the Turkey Knapp sending chills up your spine. Oh my.....one and half hours left!
post #82 of 217
Thread Starter 
You guys do realize that the keeper has to unlock the Turkey coop, it's not scripted
post #83 of 217
Word on the street is that he's out. He's wandering out there somewhere.
post #84 of 217
"They're coming." -Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings

post #85 of 217
5AM EST and no sign of the beast....... I must get a life.....
post #86 of 217
8:23 AM EST, and no Turkey Knapp? Is this supposed horror only a figment of some twisted moderators mind? I to, need a life.
post #87 of 217
They're teasing us. Just when we all start to relax, thinking perhaps this year the horror will pass us by... BAM! TK will appear.

Be ever vigilant, friends.
post #88 of 217
I may have saved us all. Last night, after the sun had set, in my backyard I built a fire and burned the 3 MAR DVDs from my collection while chanting lyrics from the Oompa LOompa song as best as I could remember. It appears to have worked.
post #89 of 217
So where is this "thing"!?!?!?!
post #90 of 217
Turkey Knapp is taunting you Cam. He will appear when he feels you are ready.
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