Paramount -- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FABULOUS STAINS

Dear Mr. Blythe,

I'm sure you are not familiar with many of the films that your company owns the rights to, and I'm also sure this would be one of them. But LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FABULOUS STIANS, is one that deserves your attention. This overlooked '81 satire on rock music, the only other directorial outing by Lou Adler, and an early starring vehicle for Diane Lane, Laura Dern, and Ray Winstone, has picked up a devoted cult of fans over the last 20 years. I was largely responsible for its recent revival at the Nuart Theatre in Los Angeles, where we played it for four weeks worth of midnights, and also great reviews from the local critics.
I would direct you to a very well-written article on the film by director Sarah Jacobsen in the Beastie Boys-published magazine GRAND ROYAL, issue #6, or to episode 29 of John Pierson's SPLIT SCREEN program on IFC, for a more eloquent explanation of its significance. Or I could just use the quote from Courtney Love proclaiming it the best movie ever made, which we used to advertise the film during our engagement.
Since this film has never received even a VHS release, I think this could be a demonstration of the revivalist powers of DVD, much like Anchor Bay's issue of Universal's TWO-LANE BLACKTOP helped it find a new audience. By enlisting the services of director Adler, who has already done a great commentary on your UP IN SMOKE disc, and Ms. Jacobsen, who was able to get interviews with disgruntled screenwriter Nancy Dowd, you could have a great disc. By including missing scenes from it's prerelease incarnations as ALL WASHED UP and THE PROFESSIONALS, you could show the dramatic differences in its initial incarnation and how Adler was able to "save" the film in editing. A commentary track where Adler could face off against Dowd, debating the merits of each's vision would be most entertaining, like the contentious discussion between Steven Soderbergh and Lem Dobbs on the dvd of THE LIMEY. Perhaps also an isolated music score, since there has never been a commercial release of the excellent soundtrack that features members of The Tubes, The Clash, and Sex Pistols.
I'm sure at this time, this is a quixotic pursuit. But my conversations with Jacobsen have revealed that this is something Paramount has considered before. I would like to see them consider it again.
Thank you for all your serious and thoughtful replies to this forum.

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I think a novel way to help defray the costs of repaying for music rights on THE FABULOUS STAINS would be to approach some of the musicians that have been influenced by the movie, get their thoughts on camera for a great supplement, and get a small donation. I bet a lot of the better hard rock grrl bands like The Donnas and Le Tigre could put up a couple hundred bucks, and weird as it sounds, the money adds up as more people find and like the film.
Hey, it worked when Spike Lee needed post production money on MALCOLM X.

Not that funny, I'm afraid. And not just limited to Paramount. The video revolution opened up a whole new can of worms in terms of music licensing. While I would like to believe altruistically that some artists are enjoying newfound revenue, it is more likely that record companies and ASCAP are the primary beneficiaries of this windfall. And as such, the heavies preventing films like STAINS, SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, AMERICAN HOT WAX, and others from seeing video release. Also the forces that have given us heartbreaks like THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST minus Barry McGuire's scene-appropriate assassination song, or the rescored DOGMA trailer on DVD, or indeed, kept classic trailers off of DVD.

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"As I looked back over my life, I realized that I enjoyed nothing--not art, not sex--more than going to the movies." -- Gore Vidal

#1) The film was shot with an unmasked camera, and was thusly designed to be projected at 1.85:1 Adler's interest in CinemaScope apparently was a one-shot deal.

#2) I accept the ending, but it is one of the factors that made writer Nancy Dowd disown the film and take the Rob Morton pseudonym. Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)


That is because all that footage was shot a year later. Paramount attempted to salvage the film by having Adler reunite the girls to shoot the music video and create a "happy ending" for the film. I do not know if and when they tested the film with the old bitter ending, but they must have; on the print we showed, there were three titles, 2 crossed out, with dates next to them. One was Dowd's original title, ALL WASHED UP, next was THE PROFESSIONALS, and then finally LAG: TFS.

#3) It was made in 1981, went through numerous edits, the writer walked off, the director lost interest...the studio felt to give it any sort of real release would be to throw good money after bad. Plus, teen movies were not a moneymaker yet; John Hughes' films would not hit the scene until 1984, punk was still an underground idea, the fact that the "video" is a slap at MTV is a fluke, since MTV was not yet a household word. The world was just not ready. Happens all the time, sad to say. Just be happy it is embraced now.

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"As I looked back over my life, I realized that I enjoyed nothing--not art, not sex--more than going to the movies." -- Gore Vidal

Hey, Stainerators! Here's an idea for you if you have time and inclination. Go to any busy theatre that will be playing the Mark Wahlberg fluff movie ROCK STAR, with a boombox playing "Join the Professionals," a couple hot pictures of Diane Lane, and a petition to get the movie on tape and DVD. Then collect all those names and send 'em on to Paramount. Let the multiplex equivalent of "Heavy Metal Parking Lot" work for us!

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"As I looked back over my life, I realized that I enjoyed nothing--not art, not sex--more than going to the movies." -- Gore Vidal

I normally try not to make any reference in this forum to the nationally broadcast cable TV series that I appear on, the better to keep the focus of postings on the movies that we love. But I think it is worth mentioning that after a recent episode of BEAT THE GEEKS aired, in which I taunted a contestant by proclaiming, "We're the geeks, and we don't put out," the Comedy Central message board began to blaze with postings from viewers who either were fans of LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE FABULOUS STAINS and recognized the reference, and those whose curiosity was piqued by my mention. A couple of people even managed to locate my private email address and asked me if I knew of how to obtain it. I had to sadly tell them it is unavailable.

As our moderators have said, Paramount has been very attentive to our comments, and their "B title" poll is a clear indication that our comments matter to them. While no details can be revealed now, it is likely some of our suggestions will be made into actual fall releases.
Therefore, I put the question to the mountain: I would not and do not expect this movie to come out this year. But could a 2003 release be in the works? Perhaps just in time for the 20th anniversary of its first very brief theatrical run? (While completed in '81, I believe it did not have its original Denver playdate until '83) I'll be more excited for this than a kid waiting for Christmas if a sliver of hope can be dangled in front of me.

Martin, thank you for the encouraging news. If you have chance to speak to this fellow fan, or, more appropriately, if this fan has a chance to speak with his insider at Paramount, try to let them know that there is a major television personality ready to devote his time (at no charge) to collecting interviews, commentary, and offering critical evaluation on this film. Namely, me. Arguably, there may be other people out there who know the movie and it's side stories better than me, but they haven't come forward. I'm here now, ready to get involved. In short, Corrine Burns may not put out, but I will.

It's perfectly reasonable and logical that we cannot expect STAINS this year. I had personally estimated autumn of next year if we were lucky. In fact, that would be better, in that it would give more time to put together a good supplementary package, on an independent or studio-sanctioned basis. When the clearances prove cost-effective (Lane and Winstone's popularity in video sales, high profile demand from fans, etc), Paramount will do the right thing.

In response to your questions:

1. Nothing I have found in my research has indicated an actual budget. Nancy Dowd had a 2-script commission assignment at Paramount as a result of SLAP SHOT's success when ALL WASHED UP was written and optioned. The choice of original director Jonathan Kaplan, who made OVER THE EDGE for a reasonably small sum at the then-new Orion company, indicated the aspirations were probably small at first. But when Lou Adler chose to direct it (over AIRPLANE, which he was also offered), the combination of UP IN SMOKE's huge returns and his influence (through his rock clubs and record label) could have increased the budget. UP IN SMOKE had a low budget and wound up with a $100 million+ return, so the prevailing thought was that as long as he stayed low, the film was guaranteed to turn a profit. They were wrong, obviously.

2. There is not one reference to STAINS anywhere in the Adler commentary track on the UP IN SMOKE DVD. Perhaps due to the chummy reminiscences being shared with Cheech Marin the subject of other directorial outings never came up.

3. The only thing we can do at this time is to show there is a fanbase for this film that will spend money on it. And that can be done in various ways. For example, fans living in cities with repertory movie houses can badger those theatres into booking the film (there is currently one playable print in the U.S.), as I did at the Nuart last year. But then make sure the film draws a crowd and makes money for the theatre and Paramount by spreading the word of mouth.
One could also start a fansite on the web, and inform Paramount if it attracts a significant number of hits. Linking it to popular sites of similar subject matter (riot grrl music, cult movies, etc) is a good way to draw the uninformed. Paramount's reluctance at this time is also a matter of consumer awareness: are there enough people out there who have heard of the film to make it worth pressing mass quantities and selling them.
Another idea (for the more moneyed and entrepreneurial) would be to license merchandising rights to elements of the film. Make T-shirts, dolls, posters, and such. This kind of third party promotion goes on often, and if Paramount begins to see revenue from someone else's initiative at marketing a previously dead property, it will put the bug in their head to make the movie available.

Hope that answers everyone's questions.

Finally, I thought I'd post something to build a dream on. I THOUGHT I would, but apparently I can't upload stuff from my hard drive here. Anyone tell me how I can send my prototype so that people reading this thread can see it? I tried the vB linking, but I don't think it worked because my art is not web-based.